Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

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My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

My Dad really had the delusion that all of the stuff he was hoarding was being kept for our benefit - like he was the family guardian of our history and heritage. I told him multiple times there was absolutely nothing that I wanted, but it just didn't register with him.

We had a professional house clearance company come in after his death. It's expensive, but there are lots of expenses associated with a death. So long as you plan for it , it should be maneagable, and the costs can likely be made up from the estate.

My advice to the OP would be to state clearly (if and when your parents bring this up) that you will be getting everything professionally cleared and don't wish to keep it. And then disengage from the issue. There is nothing to feel angry and put-upon about - unless you actually give in and take the stuff.

Walking around any of the big antique centres around here makes you realise exactly how little all this stuff is worth. It was a bit like walking into my parent's living/dining room.

I did keep some cut crystal glasses and the 1950's EPNS canteen of cutlery (a wedding present to my parents in 1953 which was hardly used) and now my DS has got his own place he is using it all daily (he doesn't have a dishwasher so the bone handled knives are fine)

This.
'Please do not expect us to sort out your chaos, we don't have the time, energy or inclination.'
I feel no guilt that I won't be sorting out any of my mums stuff, or reorganising her council house, when she passes, but to be fair she is already trying to declutter .

Once again, the expectation exists and is causing difficulties now, while they're still alive. That is what was selfish.

My friend had a relative who was a hoarder. They went through the house and extracted obvious cash. Then they found a local charity who agreed to deal with the house in return for a chunky donation. They then sold everything they could and once they'd made back their fee they actually paid back the fee or a portion of it or something. It seemed like a good approach.

We had the same issue with my in-laws. We ended up sorting between us what we wanted to keep (which wasn’t much). Then took all the clothes and small crap to charity shops and subsequently got an auction house in to sell all the furniture and china etc.
There was so much stuff and we’re busy people, so it was sadly the only way to deal with it all.

My Mum was exactly the same, except everything went in the loft or the garage. Dining table and chairs for 14, six loungers and brollies for the pool, garden tools, lawn mowers. There is no pool, no garden, no lawn. Buffet dinner service for 40, posh dinner service for 14. Serving platters, glasses, ornaments. We have just about finished clearing it now.

Did FIL's house, he passed away in June. He'd lived in that house 94 years, had the war mentality of make do and mend and as you can imagine nothing was thrown away and MIL was a avid fan of bits and bobs too - I found 24 vases in one cupboard.. 24, ornaments everywhere, in and out in the garden, we've not finished yet either. They'd kept every pillow that was deemed to old to use, every duvet, blanket, curtains they'd replaced over the years, every broken clock, every framed picture they took down over the years that they no longer liked, just kept everything.

We've filled 3 skips so far, one more needed, left metal out the front to be collected and been to the charity shop with boxes and boxes of the better stuff, car loads to the dump, had better bits of furniture collected for charity. But, we would never have dictated the way they live and probably humoured them if they'd thought we would want it all the way your PIL do. Just be kind to them.

I wish though parents in the UK adopted "döstädning" for their children.

.

You could add to your statement “ however, we look forward to receiving our substantial inheritance!”

Thanks all.
I am fully aware that my in-laws are entitled to live however they like, and I don't expect them to clear the house completely before they pass.

However, at the same time, I can't imagine putting my DD in the same situation in the future knowing that she wouldn't want the stuff.
I feel like it is part of my responsibility to at least try to reduce the burden for my DD, but I know we are all different.

Thanks for the useful tips regarding decluttering/house clearance companies and charities.
I will stop stressing over it and forget about it now. 😀

What's the value of the estate?

If it's valuable, just humour them and then employ a firm to remove it all.

No need to risk being disinherited.

There is a simple solution to your problem.

Ask your in-laws to change their will and leave the house to someone else.

Problem solved.

and once again expectations don't have to cause difficulties.....nod and smile.

brilliant!!

Smile and nod. When the time comes you can just get a skip. Clear what you want and let someone else have or chuck the rest.

you did know that you can pay someone to do this for you?

I’m in a similar position with my in laws. They have lived in the same house for over 50 years and they never throw anything out. I counted a dozen remote controls on their bookshelf from every tv/dvd player they’ve ever owned. The loft is crammed with dead electrical goods. They don’t seem
to know where the local tip is and just keep everything. We’ve offered to help them sort things out and have asked them to identify any special/important things but they are not interested. Goodness knows what we’ll do when the time comes!

My friends do this kind of clearance work as a job. They find lots of gems and the new owners get a cleared house.

But once again, these particular expectations have, and it was selfish to communicate them because of the clear risk that they would. It is the ILs who have created this problem.

Maybe you could, maybe OP could, I certainly couldn't add that. There's little to inherit, if anything, and not doubt my ever hard done by (in her opinion) sister has plans for that.

Has this with late parent. Think own documentary on harders and i am sure you can get the picture. I had it cleared as he claimed to have a box full of important papers which I kept and everything else I got a clearance company to deal with. I was supervising but it was truly awful. The dirt and smell was horrible.

It cost £10,500 and it took the clearance company 5 full days with transit van after van taking things away and then refilling.

I accepted that I might be throwing some valuable but tbh it wasnt something I could do on my own. You couldnt even sit down in the house to start the clearance

The trouble is, in our expereince, we still had to go through everything to check we were not just passing on to the clearance company things of historical /personal intererest/essential paperwork, or a couple of faberge eggs, lol. So it still took months to go through the hoarded clutter, before we then paid a clearance company to do the rest.

Ended up having a conversation with my mother about “what I will want to keep when they’ve both gone”.

She wasn’t happy when I said I’ll be taking nothing and if it’s down to me, I’ll get a skip or house clearance company, unless my brother wants to go through it and take stuff. If he does, he can deal with the rest.

For when you inherit. We cleared the small bedroom and that became the 'keep room ' anything we/family wanted to keep initially went in there. My dm had done a canny job in some areas, infact she had gotten rid of stuff others would have taken.
If they smoked just grt rid as everything still stinks months later. If they have some nice things, ask their family and friends to come over and chose any pieces they'd like. Then either get a charity collection to come along ( very strict on upholstery labels) or pay a clearance company.
We paid our local council to remove larger items ( bit of a wait) and did many charity/tip runs.
We did try to sell some stuff on fb market place but was more hassle for little return.

Good luck 🍀

I had to clear the home of a hoarder parent.
I was utterly brutal and kept only

• what made me smile
• what I would make use of on a daily basis

AND there WAS money stashed in books there WAS jewellery hidden in socks in the underwear drawer there WERE valuables hidden in kitchen cupboards SO Before you get the clearance people in, do a THOROUGH check through