Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

Had to do this recently. MIL and her partner were hoarders, such an addiction. I think it came from poverty mindset, kept picking up more and more 'deals. I had to handle it all this year, my poor husband couldn't cope with any of it. Took me weeks of clearance for what I could cope with, and trying to find the more emotional mementos amidst it all.
About 32 full black bags of pure rubbish I did, not even possible to charity shop those. Around 25 bags and boxes to charity shops. And we then paid a clearance company, took 2 men the best of 3 weeks on and off to empty the house.
You can't change them, it becomes part of identity, and represents their life.
Just save up, try to get your husband to find out what's sentimental etc.
Worst thing is saving all the photos, and then having zero idea who all the people are, because they're not labelled or if they are might not be more than first names. So sad .

Thing is, they won’t be there. Just nod, then when they go get the clearance people in. It isn’t worth upsetting them.

This this and this

I wouldn't worry about it. Clearly they think they're doing something nice for you. Just get a house clearance service in when the time comes - problem solved.

I’d leave the discussion now as they won’t change. When they die, take any bits you might want then get a house clearance firm in. Knowing this is what you’ll do should give you some peace, and the in laws will be no wiser.

I Clean my 89 year old Fathers house every week. I put things in the dustbin and bit by bit, I am clearing cupboards. Last week I threw away about 50 Carte D’Or Cartons and piles of metal coat hangers

You need to try to put this out of your mind. From experience, you cant really force the pace on this. And although you dont feel it, they are relatively young. Youve no idea how long they will live, or how their latter years will end. If you're left with all the junk you can get it cleared really quickly. Believe me. But they may end up in care or having to move. No point getting upset now.

I like the idea of Swedish death cleaning but you can’t realistically expect people to chuck out their stuff to make it easier when you inherit. There will be work to do but most of us have it to do sooner or later. Loads can be chucked out or recycled, the British heat foundation take furniture and appliances is they are ok, vast amounts can be charity shopped, or you can just use a house clearance company and get it all done. Skips are expensive though and a whole house of junk will need need a lot of skips.

I did this for my mother recently and single handedly cleared out her house in 2 weeks. I was absolutely brutal. I have already started doing the same in our house as I don’t want to inflict a whole lot of clutter on my children when the time comes.

OP even your 'amusing' title of your post shows your contempt for them. You sound callous and lacking in humanity. They are human beings, not an inheritance waiting to happen - one where you expect to cash in without the inconvenience of the fact they lived a life.

My god. Why do you want to leave a penny to these pricks?!

on the other hand they are the ones saying that all that stuff is coming to OP and her DH whether they want it or not, which is also a pretty dick move.

We have this to a far lesser degree in my family. Some of the things are useful, some... less so. All the family know that if an offer "oh would you like this" meaning "do you want this now?" the answer is yes, and take the thing right away and put it in your bag/car/suitcase. And then dispose of it as you see fit later when the family member isn't around. Either use it, give it to someone who can use it, charity shop, Vinted or dump.

That way everyone is happy. And any time a "what will happen to x, y, z after I'm gone" is met with "don't worry about that now, let's just enjoy it now" or with photos "let's look at them, who is this? let's write it on the back so we don't forget"

Huh? Four kids and they're leaving it to just one? Why? And if that is the case, why not make up your mind that it won't be "falling" to you? You don't have to clear anyone else's mess - certainly not when they treat you like that.

The thing is though, whether it is reasonable or kind to expect your in-laws to get rid of their treasured ‘stuff’ before they’re actually dead. Possessions are never just things. They are memories, identities, biographies, treasures. I’ve advised my children to put everything in a skip when I shuffle off, but until then I enjoy spending time with my valueless stuff because it is meaningful to me and gives me pleasure.

Silly to get worried

they may live for a decade or two longer and here you are, worrying

just leave it

when they die your husband can get a clearing company, it’s what I did with my parents house

job done

no need to already fret over something like this

I’d be grateful if someone offered me to inherit a big house like this. Tell your in laws I can take it with all the rubbish if you don’t want 😀

They have shown care towards me in other ways, to be fair - and I have very fond memories of their parents.

I've considered that, but apparently it can cause problems when the estate is being settled.

Anyway, it might well be a moot point. If reach the stage that I need to move into a care home, then the house will be sold.

Crystal, China etc are very collectible. Take to local charity shop and they send to auction. They got over £600 from my in laws crystal plus could claim back tax. We all kept 1 piece of it mine was a very useful nice bucket. Was good to see someone benefiting. And my fil was happy to see it go to others to enjoy

The older I become the more I realise that many, many people are self serving uncaring grabbers. The realisation of this from my own family of origin is quite shocking. I will add, not all people are like this…there are some lovely caring gems out there.

But seriously, why leave your money to horrible relatives who don't give a toss about you when you can leave it to a charity of your choice - so that your money can do some real good after you die? Surely that's the way to go?

Clearly they're not true hoarders, they just have a lot of stuff you don't want.

Presumably gaining the house, you come out of it very profitably even with clearing expenses, so I don't think you have cause to keep nagging them.

I’d say ‘How kind, we will treasure it all’ and as soon as they have popped their clogs, I would bin the lot.

IME it is best not to think about it until the time comes. It will only cause great stress for you and them if you try and force them to deal with it now.

One man’s ’house full of stuff’ is another man’s ‘hoarder’. No matter. They value their possessions, you don’t. Smile sweetly, when the time comes pick what you want then get a clearance firm in.