Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

Oh, man. No, they won't clear a place with bedbugs. Your relative needs to get rid of anything that's been bed-bug-ised. Or have the pest people do the house-heat treatment.

surely its more respectful to support someone in their choices while they are alive?

I know. I am a solicitor. But that’s what I meant by we went and took what we all wanted. I should have also said needed. I also knew where her documents were kept. Which was helpful. But then I just got someone else to do the heavy lifting of the ‘stuff’.

if you get someone reputable they will do that sorting for you. Put the papers in a box for you to review etc.

my parents are chronic hoarders. They live in a house I own so I will just be inheriting clutter. Mum knows what I did with my great aunts house. She threatens to hide fivers in books etc. I will still just get a house clearance person to sort it out. I know where their wills etc are. I don’t need anything by else.

Not quite the same, but I'm an only child with no children of my own. Some of my cousins have heavily hinted that I should just organise a direct cremation for myself. (As I've said above, I've already told them to get in a clearance firm if I've not finished decluttering. However, I've also told them where my jewellery is so that they can sell it for cash for gold, etc.)

It's my cousins who will inherit. There won't be a lot - I have several cousins and my house would be very lucky to sell for 150k if it's not already gone in care home fees.

I know that they're not overly sentimental. Rather than sharing their mother's jewellery, they sold it and shared the money.

I know it's stupid of me, but I'm a bit hurt that they don't want the bother of attending my funeral. I'm thinking of just organising what I want and not worrying as to whether or not anyone is there.

You leave whatever you have to a cause that matters to you.

I have been through it this year. Huge house stuffed to the gunnels. British heart Foundation took all the furniture and mobility aids. A local nursing home took hundreds of books, cds and dvds. All clothing, bedding and fabric stuff went to the village recycling. Dad's fishing gear (a van full) went to a charity that takes disadvantaged kids fishing. Endless supply of china collectables, binoculars and cameras to vintage cash cow which was more than enough to hire skips for the rest. Local scrap metal chap took masses including white goods and gardening equipment. The local cubs/scouts took stuff for jumble sale.
A lot of very expensive stuff utterly worthless.
It took 4 weeks. The local church group were great, they knew which charities to contact for a lot of the stuff.

Why be so cruel? The stuff clearly matters to them. If the house is owned by your PIL the estate can cover the costs of disposal.

At the moment, you need their wellness and friendship. You treat them kindly, so your children also treat you the same when your time comes. When you inherit their full house, you have all the advice above.

I'll probably inherit a similar set up. My parents grew up poor, managed to become relatively much more affluent, but still have scarcity mindset.

My husband and my brother spent a day with a hired transit van emptying a double garage, which has been refilled. They had a house fire and the house was fully cleared to allow repairs, much stuff was written off, and they insisted on having it back to dispose of themselves, but instead they kept it and cleaned it.

I think you just have to accept you'll inherit a massive house and the downside is you have to clear it. You won't make any progress while they are alive and risk that their decluttering efforts will involve moving their stuff to your house and backfilling any space in their house with more stuff.

If only. I could have filled ten skips from my dad’s house. It would have cost a fortune and there just wasn’t the money to do it. I can’t tell you the many tip runs I did. Lots of freecycle stuff. It took me months! I’ve been ruthless. Just saved a few pieces of furniture that I loved and a selection of photos/ornaments/keepsakes.

Same. I went through everything in a couple of days and worked out what I wanted, took a load of stuff to the charity shop, and got a clearance company to handle the rest.

If they are real proper hoarders, which is a type of mental illness, nothing you say now will really help.
So the only thing you can do is agree with your DH that you might make one pass through the house and take anything of sentimental (or real) value. And then you engage a house clearance company to do the rest. You do not need to be there when that happens.

But nothing you can say now will be useful or helpful to your ILs or even your DH.

Sorry, it is hard to see, but unless you can get an outside agency involved now (and even then, not really) nothing is going to change.

Sorry, they are still alive and you are already thinking of what to do with their stuff when they die? Are you sure you won't die before them? What a strange predicament. 'They have a massive house' - presumably, you would be delighted to get your hands on it - or are there other potential legatees?

There's a guy on Instagram who is going through the problem of him & his wife being left with a huge amount of supposedly priceless possessions (from his wife's grandmother). Might be worth a look, it's Nick Fox Radio.
Thankfully my mum has been trying to declutter but they still have a ridiculous amount of stuff!

I haven’t read the whole thread, haven’t been in your situation as both our surviving parents were extremely good at minimising their possessions but what we have inherited and kept (which might be useful for you) are photographs and certificates of births/ baptisms/ marriage/ awards together with letters between family members. These occupy a couple of small boxes in total. Perhaps you could ask your in-laws to collate theirs and designate somewhere to keep them. You wont have to search everywhere for them when the time comes plus one day you or your DC might be interested in them.

Just use a charity shop to get rid, they will be dead so won’t know the difference

@Xmasiscomingsoon Weve just spent nearly 9 months helping to clear out PIL large house as they were downsizing. We were there one day a week doing it and it was a nightmare. It would have been so much easier if they weren’t there! Mil was literally raking through a skip and taking things out (things like old copies of the Daily Mail 😡)

Anyway my advice is to not worry about it and deal with it when they’ve gone.

If you’re interested in the photographs, ask your in-laws to write on the reverse side the names of the people shown. Many a genealogist or future genealogist can vouch for the frustration of this not having happened.

Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I’m in the same position as you with my in-laws and it wouldn’t occur to me to make a fuss. The in-laws are entitled to live as they please, and when the time comes there will be enough equity to pay for a clearance company. Just view it like a predictable expense that will come out of the estate, like funeral costs.

Found you a cartoon 🙂

I have this ahead of me too so I sympathise. My mother has filled all our bedrooms with excess clothes and junk to the point I can never stay there, can barely get into my old bedroom. She has never given away anything to a charity shop. Her own bedroom is packed with boxes up to the ceiling, and the ceilings are very high. She has 3 sheds packed with broken toys etc that she insists on keeping for the grandchildren, but you can't even get to them. My dad has various other rooms and sheds all packed with junk. He also has his business premises packed with stuff and his own house full of junk. I have 3 siblings who are also hoarders, so I imagine it's all going to fall on me to clear this mess. Makes me really angry that they won't get rid of anything. Also we already know one of my hoarder brothers will be inheriting the house.

My in laws were the same shelves and cabinets full of crap There intension was to leave the house to the grandkids and leave her 4 children with all the contents

I haven’t read all of the comments, but the ones I have read, have no sympathy for your in laws.
Thats really sad. You have to remember, these are items they have saved up for, bought over the years, and each item probably holds a memory or has a special meaning to them. Yes, I understand it may be junk to you, but in older age having your possessions around you gives you great comfort. Let them be happy with their things while they’re here.
Worst case scenario you get in a house clearance when they are gone. Think to yourself, if someone came into your home and told you to get rid of most of the things you loved, how would you feel?

i have sympathy. But. Leave it to your brother who will inherit the house. Just walk away from it.

Maybe giving most of your money to charity would be a better idea?