Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

It cost £4,000 to clear my late parents house. Luckily they left enough money to pay this but if they don’t then it’s incredibly selfish to do this. I would ask them if they’ve made financial provision for this because you would need to take time off work / fuel for tip runs / skip costs etc which isn’t really your responsibility is it? I’ve been brutal when I moved recently in case I die because it’s not fair to expect others to get rid of my shit and I’m only in my 40’s.

Unfortunately they have got the sunk cost fallacy. They think things they have paid for and used have retained their value; whereas most things won’t be worth much. They have had the use and pleasure out of them but some think that’s not enough.

My DH might be interested in the old DIY tools.( I wish I was joking ).

Could you not just have left whomever inherited/repossessed the property to do the clearing?

I have recently been through this with my late parents. 60 years of crap. (They never moved and kept EVERYTHING. Stained old curtains from the Seventies. Receipts from the sixties onwards. Our old bikes.) Do not panic. Here's what you do:

Pick out what you want to keep and put it in a designated spot.

Get a house clearance company to get rid of the lot except the stuff you're keeping). You don't have to do anything. They just come and empty all the drawers, cupboards, everything. It's not too expensive, as they're counting on selling at least some the stuff they take to make money. Ours took five trucks of packed-tight crap, and it cost about 2k. We'd inherited the house, so could afford it.

Job done.

I inherited the property. It would have taken me weeks to clear and I would have needed physical help which I didn’t have.

My dad was never a hoarder but when he died we took what we wanted, sorted bags of confidential documents to be collected for secure disposal and got a clearance company to take the rest. We came in to a totally empty house bar one old Beatles magazine they had found which they thought might be valuable and left on a windowsill for us. I did put his cds and dvds onto an online store as you can scan the barcodes as I had some of mine to do so just boxed the whole lot up and sent them off and got some cash from them.

My mum is still alive. Not a hoarder but has a lot of stuff that she’s kept for various reasons (might be useful) or that’s been dumped in the garage to be used for car boots or go the tip but has never been taken. I have told her it needs sorting or it will all be down to a clearance company to get rid of when the time comes. She has put some things away labelled which she wants certain people to have which is fine. I think k she has made a list. But other than that it’ll all go. I don’t have the mental space to have to deal with it all.

People complaining that their benefactors didn't also provide the labour/funding of clearing the property they were being gifted...

Noooo, don't upset them. Older people get sad when they think of all their things being heartlessly cleared out. I would, too. Just say yes, thank you very much, and then when they're not around any more, get the house clearance people in.

This.

Time passes fast, at least some of what seems like junk might in fact be saleable - I was miffed when I found out that a bag of IMO plug-ugly costume jewellery I'd binned was a sought-after vintage brand. Going through the hoard & checking for things like that is very time-consuming though.

If they're true hoarders it's unlikely that any paperwork you may need after their passing will be ready to hand & any genuinely important/ valuble items are as likely as anything else to be stuffed in overflowing carrier bags under half a dozen boxes of washers & string so a lot of sorting will probably have to be done by someone anyway. Really your only decision is whether you have the time & fortitude to do it yourself or whether you'd be better off with one of the sources of help other posters have suggested.

Bear in mind that when it's a couple there can be a sort of folie à deux element to it & when only one of them is left, that person may in time be more amenable to sorting & sifting.

When the time comes, just in case there's anything of value in the house, ask the local auction house to take a look. Then call in a house clearance firm. Or you could have a garage sale.....

The sad reality is, anything of value will be lost amongst the shite.

My grandad was a hoarder. He lived 2 hours from us. When he became unable to stay in his home due to dementia we moved him into a care home close to us. 3 of us went over to his house for a day and took anything of sentimental value. Then employed a house clearance company to take the rest. It was sad knowing stuff is grown up seeing was going in a skip but it had to be done.

Poor you 💐

Next time you go round there, make a note of broken items they won’t notice has gone. Take it to a dump asap

I find hoarding very depressing, I visit a wealthy neighbour who has filled a 3 bed house, loft, cellar and 2 storage units with stuff, few bits are valuable. her daughter knows at some point, the lot will go to skips. charity shops dont want stuff, clearance companies charge high fees....so she will budget around 3 / 4 k for the skips.. a small one is now £600 plus £120 for the permit .its sad as neighbour is just accumulating a delayed land fill !!

Just coming out the end of it and I feel your pain. However if they don't want to sort it before they go, you can't make them. However they won't actually have any say over what you do with it once they are gone!

You are cruel and unkind.
FFS you don’t get to tell someone what t expect to “inherit”
Fuck me I’ve head it all now.
The world is full of entitlement these days

When my great aunt died. We went to her house. Each took the things they wanted. We got someone to clear the house. It is people’s jobs. You pay them a fee. They sell some bits for you and dispose of the rest. It’s no effort necessarily. It will be fine. Just let them be.

Well, it was a bit stupid of them to get rid of jewellery without asking if you wanted it!!!!

I have done it. It wasn't horrendous emotional or demanding although of course her death was. We removed what we wanted to keep and used a clearance company for the rest. We had the comfort of knowing that our mother had lived the life she chose where she chose to live it surrounded by the stuff that gave her comfort.

It was their stuff and they were only doing what the Op wanted.....

Christmas is coming, gift them a book:
www.amazon.co.uk/Nobody-Wants-Your-Sh-Decluttering/dp/B0BQPW1XMT/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.qxP_WRCtX0o94O3kZ0cwFykhI1e7PvFI6rbZwZyASql2AqYijRsqZFuz58pX4btejUQTl6umsY3SQPNlgb15j3RSNefw6n93tzH-cyeF7S4.ok4HdnjTfENS4EGuD3jhSv9stbr1opVvvxz4h4Ppgz4&dib_tag=se&keywords=nobody+wants+your+shit&qid=1762373015&sr=8-1

sad for who? the person who lived there will be dead and the person who calls in the clearance has made their decision......

You may have to hunt through cupboards, drawers - everywhere really for valuables , important documents,etc so you can’t just ask house clearance to clear the lot. Some very important documents could end up in landfill. They won’t be conveniently placed in a neat pile , ready to take to the solicitor!

I have the same. They’re closer to 80.
literally every scrap of paper, junk mail or anything they ever come across. 4 bedroom house + 3 sheds + office + 2nd property filled.