Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

I grow seeds in mine. My response is the same though. If you don't want to be bothered to go through the stuff, get clearance in or decline the inheritance.

I answered earlier about getting a clearance company as other people have suggested.
However, I notice from later posts that there is confusion between real hoarders who live in total squalor, and elderly people who have a lot of clutter.
As a retired person myself, I keep telling my DH and DC not to keep buying us stuff, and that I want to try to de clutter in readiness to move to a smaller or retirement house (hopefully not yet a care home). But my DH is still in denial about his age, though he complains about others who died leaving a house full of clutter.
I have become more aware that items I may have accumulated over a lifetime mean nothing to my DC, and there's loads of stuff we no longer use.
But it is harder when there are two of you, and the other person does not see things the same way.

We have seen that dynamic play out several times. I think most of us are pretty astute at working out the energy from all parties!
Looking after stuff takes energy and 100% in our anecdotal survey I see men not taking responsibility, just piling on guilt.
Do what you can and plan to accelerate later.
I would absolutely love to inherit 2 of every side plate that my parents ever owned could you persuade DH that everything else can go?
That the camping stuff/kids toys/old tools should be in use, else where now?
We should have had my dad's shed contents 15 years ago, it would have been genuinely useful. He could have borrowed it back. Instead we bought stuff and our kids are too generation rent to need it for another decade.

Yes, for most people it’s clutter.

The elderly friend that I mentioned above keeps her flat spotless…but there is literally no place to move in her living room. She has to remove the items in her bath before she can use it.

Her kitchen worktops are covered with non-kitchen items - a doll’s house for example. She used to make dioramas and doll’s houses for charity, but cannot bear to give them away.

Those saying "decline the inheritance" and the landlord has to take responsibility: isn't that as morally questionable as leaving the mess in the first place? So the hoarder abrogated their responsibilities in terms of cleaning up their mess, and then you are abrogating your responsibility as next of kin and leaving a stranger to sort it out.

YRNBU! Just make it absolutely clear to your husband you're not having anything from that house after they pass away. I made a mistake of accepting my in laws trash (old mechanic junk) and that led to me being a monster if I say no to more "memorabilia".

Absolutely not! No! Nyet! Nain!

Just smile and nod. After the last inlaw passes just go with DH and look to see if there is anything sentimental he might want to keep. Look for photos from his childhood. Then call in as removal company. They will charge you to remove it but the cost can be set against their estate. If there are larger things you like but don't have room for just take a photo of them.

Absolutely this, get a house clearance/auction house to take the lot,you won't have to do a thing,it will be auctioned and sold they take commisions etc,but worth it that you don't have to touch it !
I would make this very clear yo them before they pass

That is so sad.

Just tell them you plan to get a skip and a few extra hands to help just toss everything

it’s not your place to deal with all their shit

You will be gaining a huge inheritance and complain about the work involved in that…. I,m speechless, most folk i know inherit zilch…

Well I am guessing you are going to be inheriting the house They’ve “hoarded” that for you. If you don’t want the bother then give the house and its contents to a charity. But I am guessing you want the house!! One day you will be old and your children will be telling you to clear your “rubbish“ so that they can have their inheritance with no work attached. How very unkind of you to tell them that things they may value and are attached to are junk. Why say anything at all? Why should they not live out their lives in the way they want? Theyve saved and worked for whatever theyve bought. And they brought their children up. Just be grateful that they are both still together, living independently and that one day you may inherit a substantial property. Unreasonable..?!!! You damn well are! ( PS. They may have left it to the cats home after your DHs entitled conversation! )

I would tell them that when they die you will be hiring skips and
chucking it all in there. So they may aswell
give it to charity etc now. If you’re crystal clear about the fact you will literally throw every single thing in the house away, it may change their minds.

Are they of an age when they could require social care? If they need any carers to come into the home to support them, the house will need to be in a state where that can be done safely, otherwise they will have to have a clear-out. It might be worth explaining that to them. If they do it themselves and keep what they REALLY want, it will prevent social services insisting on a clearing company who'll just clear out everything to make the space safe. While they are there, watching everything go.

No it bloody isn't!

If I have a relative in rented accommodation it is neither my place to tell them to live in a different way than they want to nor to sort it out for the landlord.

Landlords rent property to make money. People dying in your property is one of the costs of being a landlord. It is not the responsibly of their tenant's relatives.

I'm guessing you're a landlord?

Your parents in law are of the “make do and mend” generations children.

The war was years and years of very little shop bought food, not a lot of clothing etc etc.

My mums mum would wash the elastic thing that held the chickens legs together because they were handy, and plastic bags holding goodies aka crap hanging from nails in the cellar.

Hoarding, is an illness, where the hoarder holds on to possessions when they have/or are dealing with the loss of something in their life.

Perhaps explain to them how eBay works, and help them start to sell their possessions because it would be lovely that someone has paid cold hard cash for an item, therefore the buyer must really really want that item and will love and cherish it as much as they do/did.

If it doesn’t sell, they will know deep down why you will skip the lot!

Hopefully it will change their minds who they leave the house to as well.

This! Honestly, nothing you say will get through to them. Don’t bother telling them you don’t want anything, it won’t stop them. My dm recently downsized but still has stupid amounts of crap. I have told her repeatedly that I will do a house clearance when she dies, plus it all stinks of smoke.

I have been through hell with my hoarder parents.
Mum and step father who passed away within a few months.
Terrible tat everywhere , floor to ceiling with stuff they thought was worth money.
It took 9 months and every weekend to clear it , many of it free to good home.
Heartbreaking at the same time as they actually thought that they were doing us a huge favour .
Because of this I have massively de cluttered to save our adult children the same task.I emptied our loft and garage and got rid of bulky furniture too.Probably went OTT but I was so upset.
I was very angry at them and now my Dad and his wife think it's a huge joke that their house is just as bad and bigger.
Well I am not touching their house.
You need to tell them that they can choose which house clearance company you can use when they are gone and do they think that you want this stressful task ?

Someone I know bought a house and the previous owners children didn't want any of their parents stuff so let the new buyers keep it

It's very selfish. DM left things tidy for us. There's still tons to do when someone dies, even when they haven't hoarded.

Perhaps have a quick check first, to make sure you're not binning any lost Leonardos or Constables? (Good idea to do this tactfully before the need arises?)

Yeah hopefully. I wouldn’t want to inherit a house full of crap.
having helped my friend have to clear out her mums flat unexpectedly, keeping things is literally a waste of time. We didn’t even go through it all, it was piled high in rooms. There wasn’t time and she didn’t have the energy through her grief. It was all literally bagged up and tipped. And it really made me think about what my children will have to go through when I’m gone. And one things for sure, wading through piles of plastic
meat cartons is not going to be it!!!
I would never put them through that. And yes, I would rather my mum left her house to somebody else if that was what I was going to have to do. So whatever shame you’re attempting to put on me there has missed the mark ☺️👍🏼

No point arguing with hoarders.
an 8 yard skip where I live is £400 plus VAT.
you will probably need a few.

local charity shops, fb marketplace and possibly car lot for the rest depending how keen you are.

I don’t see it as selfish from their pov- their stuff means something to them and they want you to have it. So it’s not great but it is well intentioned. Try not to see it as their junk but talk to them and steer them