Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

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My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

This. I totally agree. For those people who are dealing with rented accommodation, they can decline to inherit and leave clearance to the landlord.
https://www.boylettslaw.co.uk/what-if-i-do-not-wish-to-receive-my-inheritance/

You have to accept they won’t change. They don’t want to declutter, and you’ll be left with the house full of stuff when they pass away.

My grandparents were exactly the same, massive house packed to the rafters with stuff, garden sheds, garages - all rammed. They had over forty toasters in the attic. You won’t change them, don’t upset them now by telling them it’s junk. They’ll never accept it. Get people in to sort it out when the time comes if you can’t face it yourself.

I knew a couple who lived upstairs from a hoarder, in a house which had been converted into two flats, so there wasnt much insulation between the two.

We went round there and the smell from downstairs was something I have never experienced before or since. I honestly thought I was going to throw up.

They had been trying to get the council to get involved but they wouldnt.

The old lady who lived therr owned the flat and refused all help.

Piling up food cartons and so on is not the most extreme end of hoarding.

as PP say you can decline to inherit if they are renting - you do not have to pay costs and bills from someone else’s estate (in E&W, not speaking for the entire world).
If they own the property then use part of the estate to cover clearance costs.

Its only a problem for the inheritor if they make it a problem.

They were bought as mum collected them (display plates were one of her collections) because she loved them not for resale value. But yes she believes they are worth more than she paid and doesnt believe me when I tell her that its just charity shop fodder now.

In the 1930s, a relative of mine donated an old horsehair sofa which had belonged to his mother to a Scouts bonfire collection. When the boys unloaded the sofa, old money fell out (the old type from before proper bank notes). He clearly had had no idea it was there and when he found out about it, he wanted it back. But the boys refused. My relative took it to court but lost.

I completely agree. My parents were those same awful pre-war babies who grew up with make do and mend and dirt poor and only in late middle age had some disposable income to spend for themselves. They had raised all of us, done their best to give us better opportunities and all we wanted was for them to enjoy it whilst they could.

I couldn’t convince DM that those Franklin mint “collectables” were not worth their paper certificates - she was convinced that some would be useful to the grandchildren one day and she enjoyed them whilst she was alive having grown up with nothing. We drown in “stuff” these days and I think its hard to appreciate just how sparse peoples’ lives were if they were not the monied classes.

Come the day I was surprised how many of those “collectables” were welcomed by a local charity shop who sold them simply as decorative items. People buy far more tat for their homes and replace it more frequently than my parents' generation did even at the peak of 80s consumerism. We kept a small number of items between siblings/DGC but the rest went.

So the Franklin shite is mostly sitting happily in younger peoples’ homes, the charity made quite a few quid, DM enjoyed her little luxury items to the end and we didn’t have to deal with it.
I was surprised at how much the charity shop made - I honestly thought most of it was skip fodder. British Heart Foundation took any unwanted furniture and the clearance people took what was left. It was no more hassle than we were willing to allow.

Just say ..... 'lovely thank you' and when the time comes organise a skip, house clearance, open house for the neighbours to come and take (keepsake) whatever they want, Facebook marketplace etc.

It's a pain in the arse but if they refuse to deal with it then make it as painless as possible for yourself.

I am surprised from my professional experience that public health couldn't help.

Collecting or even owning a lot of one type of item because it is your interest (like I said above DVDs, books, vinyls) is NOT the same as hoarding. Nor is owning a lot of things if you have a big house.

It took absolutely ages. Years in fact.

oh so they did help but it took a while?

It's not even the quantity of stuff. It was the nagging memories of parents talking at me about their previous possessions that did my head in.
It wasn't the joy of finding one of every dinner service plate they'd owned. It was looking under a king-size bed and finding it absolutely stuffed along with the sideboard, the other cupboard and the garage with 12 sets of midwinter, 16 of pyrex, 8 eternal beau, 40 plates from various spode., the previous stuff, the rere stuff, the it was a present, I never liked it comments. It was the cake stands, the cruet sets and gravy boats for entertaining that never happened because tidying the house was so much effort.
It was being told by my parents, and people on the internet, that it was worth a lot of money.
The space would have been worth more, me earning money, rather than wasting leave googling how much then driving it to auction houses and charity shops and having to book the tip.

You need a car and time to respectfully clear a house. I just want to grieve my parents, not argue with siblings over who was promised something or who suddenly has the fondest memories.

My parents never enjoyed the ridiculous number of boxes piled up in every cupboard and wardrobe
Turning their home into a depository made their day to day life harder without doubt.

But you didn't have to do that.

"It was no more hassle than we were willing to allow"

This is it in a nutshell. Either you huff and puff about how hard work it is, you get on with it yourself with a skip and a van, you pay someone else to do it or you can walk away from the whole lot any time you want. No one is obliged to clear someone else's stuff up.

I spent best part of a day clearing someones house while another relative who was "there to help" spent all the time huffing and puffing about how crowded it was and how dirty it was and how much of a hoarder the person was while spending all their time drinking coffee and doing the square root of fa.

Meanwhile I just got on with smashing up (crap) furniture and putting stuff in a skip and got the whole lot sorted in a day pretty much single handed.

Most of these things are as much of a problem as you want to make them.

It took about 5 years and only got sorted because she went into a home.

We had a hoarder in the family. They died recently and so much has had to be given away to charity shops. It’s very time consuming. The stuff they thought would sell was worthless. I am clearing as we speak.

Buy them a copy of 'Nobody Wants Your Shit: the art of decluttering before you die' by Messie Condo

Having had to clear out my Dad's belongings after he died (including such things as cheque book tubs going back to the 1950's, ordinance survey maps of every area of the country, copies of Scientific American also going bakc to 1950's etc.) I promised my kids I would never leave them with that kind of task, It is utterly depressing to have to go through all this stuff when you are grieving and brings up all sorts of emotions, sadness and guilt.

My Dad was a POW and I think it instilled in him a felling of every little thing has to be saved just in case of emergencies, but I have no excuse and as I get older i find I need and want less and less 'stuff' . Ultimately I would be very selfish to leave it all for my kids. (My XH when we were married brought home virtually the entire contents of his mum's house when she died and insisted on putting out all her old ornaments, using all her cutlery and bed linen. I felt as if my home had been totally invaded and wasn;t my place any more.

But the point, hidden in my rant, was alongside the physicality of the task but the emotions that some people, like my parents attach and share with beneficiaries.
The one leaving these hoards often aren't silent about them.
I mean I love my le crueset saucepan but I'm not telling the kids a full on emotional journey including the future I have dreamed for it during generations yet to be born.
My in-laws have enough precious items with complicated back stories and future dreams for multiple HBO box sets.

I am kind of confused about this, no one has to buy into their elders’ stories about their stuff, are people saying that their elders should change the way they live and their life choices while they are alive because their children want the to? Is it less sad to lose a loved one because they destroyed their old cheque books?

You are not being selfish. It is a huge job to clear a whole house and you do not have the space. You and your DH have already explained that you do not want the items. I would state clearly again that you cannot take responsibility for sorting or storing their belongings. What they choose to do with their things is up to them.

this

Um, they will probably be inheriting the house with its contents. If the will says they get the contents but the house goes to the local cat home then I'd walk away, sure. Not usually the case though.

You might not want to deal with the contents, but for a six-digit sum you'll probably do it or pay someone else to. So there's little point in trying to "state clearly" anything here, as if you're in charge!

@PlsDontDoThat I got your point, and maybe I shouldn't call my PIL "hoarders," as they aren't living in squalor.
However, the examples I listed were the "better" items. They actually have broken electrical items, collection of broken plant pots, ceiling-high stacks of tea towels, and loads of the plastic trays that come when you buy chicken fillets or steak. MIL thinks it may be useful for crafts😂

Do you have...... old royalist memorabilia from royal weddings etc? Super valuable.

I think MIL even has some very old whisky from one of those - that one might actually be valuable. I bet therefore she's actually thrown it away! hahahaha.

She's in the process of moving. I can't wait to see what actually turns up at her new place vs what she had removed by a clearance company!