Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

It's not selfish because they genuinely believe the items have value. I would not say anything more about it and sort it out when you have to.
My mum has quite a lot of hoarded stuff from decades ago that she puts off sorting out even though she could, so I know I'll have the same issue one day.

I wonder what Gen Z will do when the time comes. They don't seem to own as much.

Stop stressing OP, house clearance will take care of it. Don't add to their stress by announcing your intèntion, say you'll take care of it when they're gone. Hoarders have manifold issues, don't try to change them now. And when the time comes, don't take anything home with you. Don't be the next generation.

You can decline an inheritance. If you don't want to deal with clearing the house. Don't take the house.

😆👌

I agree. Leave them to it, accept you will need to get a clearance company. There's probably some stuff you can sell, maybe enough to pay for the clearance.

And just to clarify, 🙄 I was commenting that it was daft to invent a scenario: "inheriting piss stained cushions" and then react to that: "oh how terrible to have that".

Which it is. Daft, that is. We could all think of a thousand terrible things but, like piss stained cushions, they too wouldn't be part of the OP.

Inspired by this thread, as a collector with hoarding tendencies, I know I have too much stuff. It depresses DH and now Im disabled and cant tackle it, I am limited to when DH can go through it. I know he has worried about things like clearing the garage, which whilst isnt full to the rafters, has got stuff from when we moved from our last house still in boxes that we havent touched. We moved 20 years ago. I have cleared things with his help but we are both overwhelmed and I get easily fatigued.

So I have emailed him a google search of house / building clearances places with a "lets get them to clear out the garage and loft".

I have a collection of paintings and china, that DS has said he will keep only the most special ones. I can think of 2 paintings (one was my 21st present and one our wedding gift from the artist), and one or two of the china I would like him to keep again of sentimental value but certainly not the vast majority, I dont want to burden him with this. I dont want to part with them yet but I do want to make it easier for him.

I know I inherited this from my dad, who talked about the 4 broken sinclair spectrums he had in the loft. They were all broken and he was going to fix them. He had the ability to do so, but they were still broken when he died.

Mum has bits she wants to get rid of now, and talks about selling them. We are talking laura ashley dresses. Ive said charity shop them but she believes they are worth what she bought them for new 40 years ago so wont let them go. She now talks about my young niece will wear them which I very much doubt unless she is going to a fancy dress party. When she goes, I can only think of 3 paintings I would love, and the rest my brothers can have to sell, I no longer want the things I used to.

Early Laura Ashley turns up on the Antiques Roadshow, I wish I had kept mind.

I suspect 1970 and 1980s are not collected.

My dad told my sibling he keeps sums of money in the house, hidden in a coded place only he knows, some within pages of books

Think yourself lucky, @Dontletmedownbruce ... my late, reclusive uncle thought the cat's basket a good place to hide ££££ under the bedding, and I can't begin to describe the smell

This was outdated currency by the time it was found, and it had to be taken to the bank (who weren't impressed either) sealed in thick bags

YABU. - you can decline the inheritance if you want. Do they own their own house? If so then you will be getting a windfall to offset the bother of having to clear the house.

You have my sympathy. Me and my siblings are facing this with our elderly parents. They are co-hoarders and the house is packed to the brim. It’s got to the point that they won’t allow us to visit. My sister managed to sneak a visit in a couple of weeks ago and she said that it was out of control. One work surface in the kitchen was completely packed with washed out margarine tubs and plastic fruit containers. Up to the ceiling. It’s definitely a mental health problem but neither of them would ever consider it to be that. They think of themselves as super prepared for anything that might happen. Plus they too believe that everything they own is extremely valuable and must be preserved. We’ve given up trying to say to them that it creates more problems than it solves.

I dunno, the dress lines didn't kick off till 1966 and in the 70's, the design runs were short. As affordable fashion, (I was there) I don't think many were kept. No you won't make hundreds but they never cost hundreds. It might be worth looking at what they go for on eg ebay before writing them off...depending on how many she has, 20 to 30 quid per frock can add up.

Having cleared 5 houses (full of “stuff” that while treasured by the original owners, if almost worthless to the majority - think of a library of hundreds of beautifully bound hardbacks that a buyer purchased for £50.00), the only thing I will say is that it has definitely sharpened my mind towards my own “stuff” which I will give away or sell, starting next year (my plan is to have a Swedish death plan completed before I retire: this will give me five years to do it).

If you really don’t want your PIL’s “stuff” then just use a house clearance company when the time comes, and don’t feel remotely guilty about it!

You can just disclaim the inheritance if you don't want it.

I’ve gone down a rabbit hole now, one of the dresses I wore that’s still at mums sold for £150 on eBay. Hmm but a few others were nearer £10!

May have to investigate further, however don’t want to do anything to encourage mum.

It might work to warn her that its a "now" opportunity because of what people want now. Such things have no intrinsic value and prices can (and do) go down instead of up. Some 25 tears ago I inherited a Royal Doulton figurine in perfect condition...hand painted, signed by the painter all the good stuff. It dates from the 1930's and at the time I was given it, they were selling for around 700 quid. Now I might get 100 if I was lucky. It doesn't matter to me. I love it and happily don't and didn't need the money but it might be worth reminding here that stuff with no intrinsic value (eg gems and gold) can lose value as well as gain it.

Indeed, she’s got a figurine for me, it’s Coalport. Was expensive new now sells for £10. it’s got bad associations so I don’t want it so will charity shop it.

As for her other china collections they rarely even sell on eBay (as in are listed a lot but don’t actually sell).

And don’t get me started on the fact she has kept every box they came in, in her loft. Can’t imagine where I inherited this from.

My late ex wasn't a hoarder but every household has stuff that no one else wants. When my sons were selling his house they obviously took any valuable/useful items then called in a house clearance company.

They take everything, including contents of fridge and kitchen cupboards, clothes, old tools, etc.

It's too emotionally and physically draining to clear someone's possessions.

I think it's a lot more selfish to expect people to live the last years of their life without the things they like, simply because you're counting down the days until they die. Particularly if you're going to be quids-in when you inherit their bloody house.

Look, my mum certainly owns a load of old shite which will need to go straight to the tip / charity / whatever if she's still living in the house when she dies. I'm sure it will be a case of either me and my siblings having to clear the house of it, or paying a house clearance firm. But as we'd also be getting a house handed to us for free, I'm struggling to see it as 'really really fucking selfish' for my mum to live her last years surrounded by the things she owns and likes.

I guess I just feel that if someone's given you their house, complaining about the hardship of having to some tat into a skip is very much a case of moaning that your diamond shoes are too tight.

I think we are talking about slightly different things: possessions and A Hoard. Do you know the difference?

The other thing is you are ignoring the people who inherit A Hoard in a rented property- so they have to pay rent and disposal costs on their mothers “load of old shite”. The value of the house might make it bearable, but it doesn’t make it less selfish.
Hoarders are selfish - they value their hoard over: all relationships (including with their children); their health; living comfortably; money - look at the investment cost of the hoard! That selfishness pervades all areas of their character and actions- including how they die.

I’m not saying people should end their days with nothing - I’m saying it is OK to be considerate.

yeah one of the best lessons I ever learned was be suspicious of anything labelled as "investment" or "collectible" at the point it was being sold new unless it was actual precious metal...and even then you check the weight of what you are getting vs what you pay for it.

I think if they are genuinely hoarders....like the man with all the newspapers....then its a mental health condition and you can't label them as selfish any more than you can label judgementally anyone else with a mental health problem. I speak from professional experience working in the NHS in the community. Yes I do know the difference.