Hoarder in-laws want us to inherit their stuff

[Xmasiscomingsoon]

My in-laws in their 70s are serious hoarders. They have a massive house filled with stuff.

They have repeatedly told my DH and me that they will not sort out their belongings and expect us to inherit or sell everything after they pass, believing it's all valuable.
For example, hundreds of DVDs, crystal decor, old DIY tools, and casual "jewellery" that's not my taste and to be blunt, not worth inheriting, the quality of something you would see in Claire's or Accessorize.

DH has sincerely explained that majority of their possessions have little to no value, and we do not want them. We offered to help them declutter or sell items, but they refuse, as they are unwilling to give things away for free or accept low selling prices.

We live in a tiny terrace with no storage. I dread the enormous task of clearing their 4-bedroom house, annex, and workshop when the time comes.
AIBU to think what they are asking of us is very selfish?

True hoarding is a mental health issue.
I found 50 years of worn out socks (some of which had £££££ of jewellery hidden inside)

The person died VERY suddenly (heart attack)

Be careful what you wish for.

My parents went through the whole 'war baby' so poor, make do and mend chatter. It was all rubbish they just adored shopping. There is the whole 1960s extensive wedding present stuff, the 70s funky interior stuff, the floral chintz 80s and the worst in the 90s.
Collections of coins, stamps, limited edition Franklin mint and then they got into certified antiques because you know, an investment.
They were dropping thousands when I was so skint. I have had to listen to the war baby, hard luck stories my entire life and I am very bored of it.
I will be hiring a skip and smashing every last plate into it via an open window so the neighbours can see.
The dining table that has seen so many miserable family meals will be the centre piece of the bonfire along with the oppressive cabinets made mostly of fibreboard with a still pristine veneer.
My parents love their stuff more than us as kids, teens or adults. More than friends or grandchildren. The emotional weight on stuff is oppressive.

Don’t stress about it. Tell them you’ll be using a clearance company (or Stacey Solomon) and if they have a problem either they do something about it or they’ll be dead anyway so their opinion doesn’t matter.

this. This totally and forever.

Doesn’t mean that because they have lots of stuff it includes such things as piss stained cushions, just that it is stuff they have loved that others might not appreciate.

The Cats Protection will kindly take their stuff. Just ask them to leave everything to them, including the house.

Think of all the lovely little kitties having toys for Christmas.

Honestly don't stress I've been through it, it's not that hard. Just tell the ILs whatever they want to hear and lets them be happy. Then when you inherit go through the house, take what you want and get a clearance firm in. They don't cost much and a 4 bed they'll do in a day 💐

Stop worrying about it and get house clearers in when they go

I'm sure DS won't want my Emma Bridgewater or DHs hobby stuff but we are not going to get rid of it just in case we pop off.

PIL said similar, items involving two old grandfather clocks, pictures, canteens of cutlery, silverware etc etc. We auctioned off the valuable stuff and the remainder filled five skips. It took four of us every weekend six months to finish and left a very unpleasant legacy. Very very little was kept and MIL now in care never ever asks about any of it!

This is a disgusting attitude and disrespectful to other people and their time.

It is a reasonable expecatation that if you make a mess, you clear it up.

Don't be ridiculous, no one knows when they are going to die so it's all clean and tidy

Why? Why be so cruel?

OP stop stressing, put a plan in place that makes you feel calmer - get some quotes from clearance firms and ask how the process works then bank that info and never mention to your PILs - just nod and be nice - as others have said why should your PILs be forced to get rid of their possessions just to make your life a bit easier once they've died?

This has got to be a contender for daftest post of the year.

Don't worry about it or even think about it any more.
It's very simple. When they die you get a clearance company in and they bin the lot OR you do it yourself with a skip (which obviously will have to be taken away and emptied several times).
If they have to go into a home beforehand and the property has to be sold the same will have to happen. Clearance company. End of story.

I have a relative in exactly the same position as you. He keeps trying to help his hoarding father sort things out but whenever he feels like he's getting somewhere his father brings more junk into the house, either shit he's bought online or stuff other people have given him because it's shite and they don't want it! My relative was getting very distressed about it but we've had several discussions now and he's decided just to leave it and he'll skip everything himself with help from friends and relatives when his father has died.

Not everyone's parents owns homes. Many rent. Mine did.

You obviously haven't had to deal with several decades worth of soft furnishings which have been used by mice and other wildlife as their latrine and the larder as their all you can eat buffet. And your parent wants to salvage things, wash and keep them 'just in case'. You cannot leave an elderly parent who you love living like that because they don't like you throwing things out and cannot accept that eating food that has been shat on by mice is not safe.

And no, they do not have dementia or any sort of cognitive decline.

There was an old gent down my parents road whonwas a hosrder and he had a bloody huge house. He was so bad the emergency services crawled through newspaper to get to his body when he passed.
A clearance company came and cleared his house when he was gone. My dad said he had been once before it got really bad and there were loads of actual valuables, paintings and jewelry, they must have made a mint from the clearance. But they had it all cleared in a day or two.
You could just tell them you will take it on and just dont say you are planning to get it cleared.

Yup,
Clearing a hoarded property while the rent has to be paid
and the landlord is breathing down your neck
because the tenancy cannot be inherited
is beyond the ken of most Mumsnetters

Nod along a bit but detach from this nonsense.
When they go you’ll get house clearance people in and the whole lot carted away.

The OP hasn't said any of that is happening in her situation so the comment about inheriting piss stained pillows was indeed daft.

Your situation is yours it's not the OP's. As well as talking about a different type of problem you are talking about care and concern for the health and well being of a living person not clearing a home after death. Again, that's your situation not the OP's.

Indeed he is!! There's a likelihood no one will find the cash and it will go up in a house fire as the place is dangerous. He repairs electrics with tape and has a fuse box about 80 years old immediately above a shelf of flammables, adjacent is a shelf with boxes and boxes of old magazines and papers. It's a tinderbox, worse thing is these high shelves are in a storage room immediately under his bedroom. We can only hope he isn't there when the place explodes.

It was a comment on you saying it was daft not to want to receive piss stained items. If you haven't experienced an elderly relative thinking you should be grateful to receive them, it is probably hard to understand or believe. And it is all part of the same spectrum of behaviour which I have posted about earlier on this thread.

To the best of my reading ability the OP hasn't said, in any way, that she is being asked to inherit piss stained cushions. You can extrapolate or go down the what-if, what-about route as much as you like, or you can stick to the facts of the OP, which seems the better choice.

In what way is it disgusting to live in your own house the way you want to? I genuinely can't understand your thinking. You'd probably be surprised to see that my own house is very much uncluttered and all my paperwork is in order. I have a horror of clutter. But I know that other people have different priorities and enjoy having stuff. It would be very sad if we all spent our lives worrying about how other people would deal with our homes and affairs when we die.