I did something stupid at the weekend. Can’t stop thinking about it. Why do I do stupid reckless stuff?

[Ineedatellingoff]

Hey. I’ll try to keep this brief. First off I need a good shake. Women who are in committed relationships/marriages should not get on like this! I feel so much guilt for what I’ve done but also glad it didn’t go further as it so could’ve easily done.

last weekend I went on a mums night out with friends. The first one in a while. It was planned ages in advance. I have been struggling with several things in my life and I feel very stuck in a rut. Day to day I get lonely because I don’t work and have been trying to get back into work with little success which has really knocked my confidence. I’m a married mum who is still fairly young but not very young if that makes sense. I’ve had a lot of trauma happen throughout my life that has damaged me as a person and my self worth. I love DH dearly but things (not lately but especially the first year of DC life) have been hard and we’ve faced issues. He’s a lovely man, husband and father.

on that night out I got very drunk because I mixed my drinks (I know better and know it’s not an excuse). I’ve been having a blip with mental health this while back and things were said to me, also setbacks etc. we were having fun just catching up and dancing. We went out of the venue to go to another when we started talking to some random men. An attractive man gave me attention. I was hugging everyone like I do when drunk. We were cuddling and I allowed him to touch me (why the heck did I do that) me and my friend (our other friend had gone off with a random men) were trying to get a taxi because everywhere was full. Random man tagged along. We got into a taxi. Me and random guy were cuddling. I knew he was looking sex and if I was single I would’ve gone for it. He wanted to go into my place (DH and DC were at in laws for the night) I told him no.

when I got in my head was spinning badly and my whole body was shivering. It had been hours since my last drink. I went straight to bed and woke up hours later to feeling the exact same. I freaked out and phoned my ex who I’m on good terms with to come over because I was worried. He came over as I thought my drink was spiked. He told me it wasn’t. I told him what had gone on. We were talking and we cuddled (I don’t see that as cheating) for a while. I liked it because I’m a cuddly girly and I love being held. The way he held me felt amazing. After a while he put me to bed and we cuddled again. Nothing else happened and I was still drunk by this point. He left. When we cuddled it felt like no time had passed in a way which sounds awful.

I feel guilty for the way I acted. Like it’s not fair on DH. Why did I let myself get that way? Me and ex talked about it. He acted better that night like he did at the start of our relationship back then. I confided in him in what I was put through and he told me that I’m not happy and while that’s partly true but I love my husband but I sometimes miss the good times and being held that way. My DH holds and cuddles me too which I enjoy.

what is wrong with me?

Find a therapist today and delete your Ex’s number or self flagellate for a minute and make never ever again promises that you know deep down you won’t keep.

Now is the time, not months down the line where you end up in someone else’s bed. The choice is yours.

For goodness sake stop talking to your ex.

Then tell him what you’ve done. If it’s so reasonable and something you would patiently work through with him, tell him.

All I see here is you continuing to contact your ex about your reignited passion for each other. Leave your husband because you clearly don’t respect him or your relationship.

That’s it, I’m putting you on the list. 👆No more Mrs nice Karen Swift, you have unleashed a tempest in me 💅

So, are you going to tell him? As, if not, the talking about it option is off the cards.

Similarly, beating yourself up on an anonymous forum is pointless. As I said in my original comment, decide what you want and then do that thing. Take action. You are an adult with agency, use it.

I’m not going to mention a thing to him and I’m going to treat this as a wake up call to sort myself out

Again, these are generalities. What are you actually going to do? What does sorting yourself out mean and how do you plan on doing it?

Only cuddling one man who's not her husband per night. And that's non-negotiable.

I genuinely snorted! 🤣

And if your ex tells him what happened. What then? You’ll be outed as a liar and a cheat.

Let's hope.

You didn’t get very drunk because you mixed drinks you got very drunk because you drank lots of alcohol. If you cannot control how much you drink and it turns you into a ‘cuddly girl’ who makes mistakes then you should refrain from drinking.

There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You were drunk and you don’t know whether you love your husband (obviously). So your drunk self tried on other men for size - which unfortunately when it gets to the point of cuddling your ex in your marital bed is absolutely cheating imo.

You need to decide what you want.

We often see posts on MN about wives or husbands going on holidays or weekends away, (one recently was to Butlins)with friends and are egged on to do so, despite the other halves not being happy with it. Theirs thread has just added fuel to the fire and is not exactly reassuring to those in that situation!

Yes yabu.
you cheated on your husband and are now trying to explain away what ultimately you chose to do. Each step of the way you could have stopped but you continued.
you flirted with the random. Should have stopped. Cuddled the random. Should have stopped. Allowed the random to touch you- I’m assuming sexually otherwise you wouldn’t have written it separate to cuddling- should have stopped. Shared a taxi- should have stopped. Cuddled in taxi- should have stopped. Phoned ex- should have stopped- cancelled his visit. Invited him in, went upstairs, got into bed, at each stage you should have stopped and CHOSE not to. Drink might have empowered you and made it easier- I don’t doubt this- but you continued these chats with the ex when sober.
all of it is cheating. Don’t try and pretend it’s anything but.
you even cheated in front of ‘mum friends’ so publicly humiliated him as they may know him.

if you’re not happy, leave him or talk to him about why your relationship is failing. This behaviour is shocking.
you don’t sound like you want to be with him.

But she’s a cuddle girly, don’t ya know 😂😂😂

If you are happy with dh ringing and ex gf up to come for a cuddle then carry on

if you aren’t - then think now upset your dh would be knowing what you did

for me it’s cheating. Whether flirting - allowing to touch (where dare I ask) kissing or giving phone number.

It’s all cheating with an intent.

if I found out you had done all that and invited ex - you would be coming the ex and I would want a divorce

I can't believe you're still messaging your ex and talking about sex after your apparent "wake up call".

Christ stop having a bloody emotional affair, its still an affair. You block your ex and never speak to him again! This is not bloody on. Or if you are adamant to carry on like this, show your DH some respect and separate from him first so he can also move on with someone else.

Stop with the ex. He’s an ex for a reason and although I’m sure he’s loving the attention and that sex/full blown affair is on the cards I doubt he is wanting to rekindle a relationship. I think you need to split with your husband and I don’t think you are suited to being in a committed relationship and it’s not fair on your DH.

Of course she is. She's loving the attention on here too.

I hope she is, clearly her husband isn’t giving her the affection she needs so people need to lay off her. We are all human and have our own flaws, so stop going after other people to make yourself feel better.

Do you have a Ring doorbell @Ineedatellingoff ?

It is cheating and if the sexes were reversed it would be a case of LTB. You behaved badly not once but twice OP.

Honestly cuddling the man on the night out really wasn’t a deal. Him jumping in the taxi and offering sex was a bit far but you resisted and, whilst not ideal, your friends were there too so all safe and fine. Calling your ex to come over to the home you share with your husband and children though? You really need to put yourself in your husband’s shoes. Can you imagine if you found out he had invited his ex girlfriend over to cuddle him in the middle of the night?

It’s also not even just that, it’s the fact you're still messaging your ex. I think you have self esteem issues and can’t deal with the stability of marriage so crave some drama and chaos. You need counselling. And for heavens sake, block your ex.

Of course it’s her husbands fault she’s behaving this way, she’s totally incapable of acting appropriately!

Poor little defenceless girlie! Who just needs a cuddle from ex!

Honestly, give over!

💯%