I did something stupid at the weekend. Can’t stop thinking about it. Why do I do stupid reckless stuff?

[Ineedatellingoff]

Hey. I’ll try to keep this brief. First off I need a good shake. Women who are in committed relationships/marriages should not get on like this! I feel so much guilt for what I’ve done but also glad it didn’t go further as it so could’ve easily done.

last weekend I went on a mums night out with friends. The first one in a while. It was planned ages in advance. I have been struggling with several things in my life and I feel very stuck in a rut. Day to day I get lonely because I don’t work and have been trying to get back into work with little success which has really knocked my confidence. I’m a married mum who is still fairly young but not very young if that makes sense. I’ve had a lot of trauma happen throughout my life that has damaged me as a person and my self worth. I love DH dearly but things (not lately but especially the first year of DC life) have been hard and we’ve faced issues. He’s a lovely man, husband and father.

on that night out I got very drunk because I mixed my drinks (I know better and know it’s not an excuse). I’ve been having a blip with mental health this while back and things were said to me, also setbacks etc. we were having fun just catching up and dancing. We went out of the venue to go to another when we started talking to some random men. An attractive man gave me attention. I was hugging everyone like I do when drunk. We were cuddling and I allowed him to touch me (why the heck did I do that) me and my friend (our other friend had gone off with a random men) were trying to get a taxi because everywhere was full. Random man tagged along. We got into a taxi. Me and random guy were cuddling. I knew he was looking sex and if I was single I would’ve gone for it. He wanted to go into my place (DH and DC were at in laws for the night) I told him no.

when I got in my head was spinning badly and my whole body was shivering. It had been hours since my last drink. I went straight to bed and woke up hours later to feeling the exact same. I freaked out and phoned my ex who I’m on good terms with to come over because I was worried. He came over as I thought my drink was spiked. He told me it wasn’t. I told him what had gone on. We were talking and we cuddled (I don’t see that as cheating) for a while. I liked it because I’m a cuddly girly and I love being held. The way he held me felt amazing. After a while he put me to bed and we cuddled again. Nothing else happened and I was still drunk by this point. He left. When we cuddled it felt like no time had passed in a way which sounds awful.

I feel guilty for the way I acted. Like it’s not fair on DH. Why did I let myself get that way? Me and ex talked about it. He acted better that night like he did at the start of our relationship back then. I confided in him in what I was put through and he told me that I’m not happy and while that’s partly true but I love my husband but I sometimes miss the good times and being held that way. My DH holds and cuddles me too which I enjoy.

what is wrong with me?

Stop making excuses. Cut contact with the ex immediately. And sort yourself out some therapy. The way you’re going, you’re just going to prove that your in-laws are right about you. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

So many excuses for your bad behaviour, none are relevant. You're a selfish person who doesn't give a damn about her husband or the consequences on your child of splitting up your marriage because you want cuddles from men for validation. Grow up!

Your OP is riddled with excuses. Behaviour in Nightclub not acceptable, then why on earth would you ring an Ex for a cuddle because you are a 'Cuddly Girly'
Lets hope your husband doesn't behave in the same way as you tocuhing up people in a club and getting into bed with an Ex . Sorry, little sympathy here

Have you explored the fact that you're just not happy in your marriage and may want to end it? You're allowed to do that you know.

A “mum’s night out with friends” - do your children go to the same school as these women’s children?

If so you really need to get this sorted - these groups of friends ebb and flow. This is not the sort of group to be blind drunk with, demonstrate risky behaviour or indicate you’re a cheat. Crikey, you’ll be gossip fodder very quickly.

Are you ok OP? Do you binge drink or not go out at all a lot? You sound unhappy and how do you have a DH, kids, pets and yet an ex on standby who will come round to your house? Did you invite an ex into the house you share with your husband? This is all risky behaviour you need to understand.

A man would be flamed for this on here.

She’s allowed to do whatever she wants, she isn’t beholden to you or anyone else on this thread. Her husband has been clearly emotionally abusing her by starving her of affection but she’s trapped in a relationship with a child so leaving isn’t a simple option. This is ultimately the best solution for all involved. Her ex can give her the physical validation that she requires, and her husband can continue being the ignorant oaf that he is.

Is this satire?

Where on earth are you getting all this from? It sounds like a You issue

A cheap fumble with a random and an ex isn't going to make you less depressed and nor is getting dumped by your husband, everyone knowing you're a cheat or having to share contact with your kid. Sort your shit out @Ineedatellingoff

What a load of drivel.

Her husband has been clearly emotionally abusing her by starving her of affection but she’s trapped in a relationship with a child so leaving isn’t a simple option.

Take a break from the internet you fruitcake

Reported.

Enjoy your timeout.

Agree. Don't dignify this behaviour by putting a psyche label on it or OP will have yet another half baked reason for her appalling behaviour.

I'd say you'll be the kind of mother-in-law women pray they never end up with.

Predictable response, how uninspired.

Are you another “cuddle girly” who doesn’t think cosying up to some random man then inviting an ex over to snuggle and get put to bed is cheating?

I suspect her husband would feel otherwise.

Her OP was full of excuse after excuse after excuse, when the crux of the matter is she is clearly an attention fiend who has zero respect for her family.

As someone who has a relative with this disorder, you are probably on to something.

@Ineedatellingoff Don't beat yourself up, while you didn't behave very well it's not the end of the world. 💐 You can use this as the impetus to make some positive changes in your life. It really sounds like therapy could be good for you, is that something you'd be able to access? If money is an issue there are often charities or therapists in training who offer low cost sessions if you aren't able to access it on the NHS.
Is there anything you could do that might help with getting back to work, any voluntary work or training courses maybe? Giving up.drinking does sound like a very good idea too.

I declined my first Facebook request 20 years ago because the idea of being judged by people who I haven't seen for decades fills me with dread - but I would rather do that than post this 👆 on here 🤭.
Bless you OP.

If you had even bothered to read the thread you'd have seen my responses to OP. You have a real nasty way of talking to people but you don't like it pointed back at you. Typical.

The OP has been flamed too. One or two people have tried to take a more balanced view and one crank has had a ridiculous take about how the OP has done nothing wrong - which could absolutely also happen (and has many times) on a thread where a man is being flamed.

So what’s your point?

Totally agree. I would be appalled if my own DDs behaved like this. Though it's unlikely as they have been brought up to have good self respect and integrity.

Idk what kind of MIL PP will be but I think it's a bit unreasonable to think that any MIL would be OK with her son being treated like this. I know I'd be devastated for my DD or SD if she came to stay with me for one night and found that her partner had taken the opportunity to cheat on her twice, with a stranger and an ex, and was continuing an emotional affair with the ex. If she wanted my input I'd be advising her to immediately start divorce proceedings and support her and the children however I could.

Someone else has mentioned Borderline Personality Disorder and it does sound exactly like the kind of things my BPD relative does. I feel sympathy for her and would love to see her get better but I would be absolutely terrified for my children if they ended up married to someone like her.

Not if they have a mental health illness it isn’t

What a ridiculous thing to say