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AIBU?

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I did something stupid at the weekend. Can’t stop thinking about it. Why do I do stupid reckless stuff?

353 replies

Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 01:45

Hey. I’ll try to keep this brief. First off I need a good shake. Women who are in committed relationships/marriages should not get on like this! I feel so much guilt for what I’ve done but also glad it didn’t go further as it so could’ve easily done.

last weekend I went on a mums night out with friends. The first one in a while. It was planned ages in advance. I have been struggling with several things in my life and I feel very stuck in a rut. Day to day I get lonely because I don’t work and have been trying to get back into work with little success which has really knocked my confidence. I’m a married mum who is still fairly young but not very young if that makes sense. I’ve had a lot of trauma happen throughout my life that has damaged me as a person and my self worth. I love DH dearly but things (not lately but especially the first year of DC life) have been hard and we’ve faced issues. He’s a lovely man, husband and father.

on that night out I got very drunk because I mixed my drinks (I know better and know it’s not an excuse). I’ve been having a blip with mental health this while back and things were said to me, also setbacks etc. we were having fun just catching up and dancing. We went out of the venue to go to another when we started talking to some random men. An attractive man gave me attention. I was hugging everyone like I do when drunk. We were cuddling and I allowed him to touch me (why the heck did I do that) me and my friend (our other friend had gone off with a random men) were trying to get a taxi because everywhere was full. Random man tagged along. We got into a taxi. Me and random guy were cuddling. I knew he was looking sex and if I was single I would’ve gone for it. He wanted to go into my place (DH and DC were at in laws for the night) I told him no.

when I got in my head was spinning badly and my whole body was shivering. It had been hours since my last drink. I went straight to bed and woke up hours later to feeling the exact same. I freaked out and phoned my ex who I’m on good terms with to come over because I was worried. He came over as I thought my drink was spiked. He told me it wasn’t. I told him what had gone on. We were talking and we cuddled (I don’t see that as cheating) for a while. I liked it because I’m a cuddly girly and I love being held. The way he held me felt amazing. After a while he put me to bed and we cuddled again. Nothing else happened and I was still drunk by this point. He left. When we cuddled it felt like no time had passed in a way which sounds awful.

I feel guilty for the way I acted. Like it’s not fair on DH. Why did I let myself get that way? Me and ex talked about it. He acted better that night like he did at the start of our relationship back then. I confided in him in what I was put through and he told me that I’m not happy and while that’s partly true but I love my husband but I sometimes miss the good times and being held that way. My DH holds and cuddles me too which I enjoy.

what is wrong with me?

OP posts:
Salvadoridory · 04/11/2025 01:53

Its happened and its done. Its over, just forget about it now. Its perfectly normal to miss the first rush of dopamine that immature attraction gives. Think instead about the drinking. Its so destructive and not only makes you anxious afterwards, but makes you sabotage a night out, a thing thats supposed to be a nice experience. Theres no point in wallowing in guilt or self hate now, put on some big girl pants, power through and try not to let yourself sabotage again. I hate alcohol, I used to wreck every night out. Im not perfect now and still a thrill seeker but without alcohol, I am brave enough to own it and have never felt so powerful. Take care and give yourself a break, its going to be ok. Its over now x

TheBlueUser · 04/11/2025 01:54

The stuff in the club, while bad, is less bad as you sound like you were very drunk and while I'd be very upset and feel disrespected I would be able to understand that we do very stupid things when we are drunk. I would expect that it never happen again, and if this became a repeated thing we would have a big issue.

The ex thing is a completely different ball game, and one that cannot be excused with alcohol. I would very much see you phoning your ex to come over for a cuddle as cheating if I was your DH.

Why would you not call your DH to come home - surely he is the one you should be wanting to seek comfort from.

You sound like you need therapy, alone and potentially as a couple as well.

Frustratedandpissedoff · 04/11/2025 01:57

I can understand enjoying a bit of attention from a stranger in a club, but inviting your ex round for a cuddle and not seeing why that's wrong? That's emotional cheating.

Gair · 04/11/2025 01:59

So you jumped from the frying pan into the fire?

Stop drinking. Get therapy. Find 'safer' friends. Hope fervently that your poor DH does not find out or you could end up only seeing DC for half the time. Oh, and stop calling your Ex for cuddles and a tuck-in!

Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 01:59

Salvadoridory · 04/11/2025 01:53

Its happened and its done. Its over, just forget about it now. Its perfectly normal to miss the first rush of dopamine that immature attraction gives. Think instead about the drinking. Its so destructive and not only makes you anxious afterwards, but makes you sabotage a night out, a thing thats supposed to be a nice experience. Theres no point in wallowing in guilt or self hate now, put on some big girl pants, power through and try not to let yourself sabotage again. I hate alcohol, I used to wreck every night out. Im not perfect now and still a thrill seeker but without alcohol, I am brave enough to own it and have never felt so powerful. Take care and give yourself a break, its going to be ok. Its over now x

Thanks so much. Exactly. I’m usually so careful with alcohol and never allow myself to get drunk as I’m very silly with it. I’m an extrovert and a bit crazy as is but with drink it’s taken to a whole other level and I enjoy attention which is not that good when drunk. I’m not going to let it happen again. I think the reason it happened is because I was drinking different drinks including very strong whiskey. I was and still am struggling with my mental health and trying to move forward in life. I’m glad you feel better without the alcohol

OP posts:
Gilgogirl · 04/11/2025 02:00

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Gair · 04/11/2025 02:01

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Nope, there really are people who behave like this! It's bewildering but very real.

Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 02:01

TheBlueUser · 04/11/2025 01:54

The stuff in the club, while bad, is less bad as you sound like you were very drunk and while I'd be very upset and feel disrespected I would be able to understand that we do very stupid things when we are drunk. I would expect that it never happen again, and if this became a repeated thing we would have a big issue.

The ex thing is a completely different ball game, and one that cannot be excused with alcohol. I would very much see you phoning your ex to come over for a cuddle as cheating if I was your DH.

Why would you not call your DH to come home - surely he is the one you should be wanting to seek comfort from.

You sound like you need therapy, alone and potentially as a couple as well.

Exactly I totally agree with you. I’ve been struggling. I don’t know why I did it but I do need therapy. I just keep telling myself as least I had the willpower not to let it go further

OP posts:
Gilgogirl · 04/11/2025 02:01

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Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 02:02

TheBlueUser · 04/11/2025 01:54

The stuff in the club, while bad, is less bad as you sound like you were very drunk and while I'd be very upset and feel disrespected I would be able to understand that we do very stupid things when we are drunk. I would expect that it never happen again, and if this became a repeated thing we would have a big issue.

The ex thing is a completely different ball game, and one that cannot be excused with alcohol. I would very much see you phoning your ex to come over for a cuddle as cheating if I was your DH.

Why would you not call your DH to come home - surely he is the one you should be wanting to seek comfort from.

You sound like you need therapy, alone and potentially as a couple as well.

DH couldn’t come round because he had DC and I didn’t want to worry him.

OP posts:
Frustratedandpissedoff · 04/11/2025 02:04

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Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 02:05

Frustratedandpissedoff · 04/11/2025 01:57

I can understand enjoying a bit of attention from a stranger in a club, but inviting your ex round for a cuddle and not seeing why that's wrong? That's emotional cheating.

Yes I was wrong to do that but I felt that no one else would come because I’ve felt abandoned lately. I know it’s no excuse and I need a smack

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 04/11/2025 02:06

Don't you live with your DH and DC? I'm confused

Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 02:06

Gair · 04/11/2025 01:59

So you jumped from the frying pan into the fire?

Stop drinking. Get therapy. Find 'safer' friends. Hope fervently that your poor DH does not find out or you could end up only seeing DC for half the time. Oh, and stop calling your Ex for cuddles and a tuck-in!

Exactly. I need to get a good shake and re evaluate my life and priorities

OP posts:
Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 02:07

Mothership4two · 04/11/2025 02:06

Don't you live with your DH and DC? I'm confused

I do but he brought them to in laws for the night for dog sitting

OP posts:
Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 02:09

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I wish it wasn’t real

OP posts:
THEDEACON · 04/11/2025 02:14

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You are naive if you dont think this happens

Gilgogirl · 04/11/2025 02:16

Ok, lady, you need major therapy. I’ve been young have done dumb shit but this is you just looking for every man to adore you. That’s what you want. This to me is your ego trip. Every one wants cuddle you. Your poor kids. Grow up before you ruin these babies.

Gilgogirl · 04/11/2025 02:18

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Thephantom · 04/11/2025 02:20

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Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 02:23

Gilgogirl · 04/11/2025 02:16

Ok, lady, you need major therapy. I’ve been young have done dumb shit but this is you just looking for every man to adore you. That’s what you want. This to me is your ego trip. Every one wants cuddle you. Your poor kids. Grow up before you ruin these babies.

Thanks yes I really need therapy and to grow up. My behaviour isn’t normal

OP posts:
MrBlobbyScaresMe · 04/11/2025 02:24

what is wrong with me?

Ermm, you're gagging for attention by the sounds of it.
Inviting your ex round and cuddling and him putting you to bed🥴, I would say that's cheating. Would you be happy if your DH behaved that way? I doubt it.
Sorry but the whole sob story at the start of your op is no excuse. If you're not happy in your marriage then leave. Can't stand cheaters.

Ineedatellingoff · 04/11/2025 02:26

MrBlobbyScaresMe · 04/11/2025 02:24

what is wrong with me?

Ermm, you're gagging for attention by the sounds of it.
Inviting your ex round and cuddling and him putting you to bed🥴, I would say that's cheating. Would you be happy if your DH behaved that way? I doubt it.
Sorry but the whole sob story at the start of your op is no excuse. If you're not happy in your marriage then leave. Can't stand cheaters.

I think I am attention seeking because I’ve been put down and held back my whole life. It’s no excuse I know. I need therapy and to work on my marriage. I didn’t really cheat because nothing else happened

OP posts:
XWKD · 04/11/2025 02:26

You make it sound like it just happened, and you're somehow the victim.

PardonMeNot · 04/11/2025 02:27

I can’t vote one way or the other. YABU to do stupid stuff like “cuddling” with random men and ex boyfriends. YANBU to question your stupid decisions.

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