I did something stupid at the weekend. Can’t stop thinking about it. Why do I do stupid reckless stuff?

[Ineedatellingoff]

Hey. I’ll try to keep this brief. First off I need a good shake. Women who are in committed relationships/marriages should not get on like this! I feel so much guilt for what I’ve done but also glad it didn’t go further as it so could’ve easily done.

last weekend I went on a mums night out with friends. The first one in a while. It was planned ages in advance. I have been struggling with several things in my life and I feel very stuck in a rut. Day to day I get lonely because I don’t work and have been trying to get back into work with little success which has really knocked my confidence. I’m a married mum who is still fairly young but not very young if that makes sense. I’ve had a lot of trauma happen throughout my life that has damaged me as a person and my self worth. I love DH dearly but things (not lately but especially the first year of DC life) have been hard and we’ve faced issues. He’s a lovely man, husband and father.

on that night out I got very drunk because I mixed my drinks (I know better and know it’s not an excuse). I’ve been having a blip with mental health this while back and things were said to me, also setbacks etc. we were having fun just catching up and dancing. We went out of the venue to go to another when we started talking to some random men. An attractive man gave me attention. I was hugging everyone like I do when drunk. We were cuddling and I allowed him to touch me (why the heck did I do that) me and my friend (our other friend had gone off with a random men) were trying to get a taxi because everywhere was full. Random man tagged along. We got into a taxi. Me and random guy were cuddling. I knew he was looking sex and if I was single I would’ve gone for it. He wanted to go into my place (DH and DC were at in laws for the night) I told him no.

when I got in my head was spinning badly and my whole body was shivering. It had been hours since my last drink. I went straight to bed and woke up hours later to feeling the exact same. I freaked out and phoned my ex who I’m on good terms with to come over because I was worried. He came over as I thought my drink was spiked. He told me it wasn’t. I told him what had gone on. We were talking and we cuddled (I don’t see that as cheating) for a while. I liked it because I’m a cuddly girly and I love being held. The way he held me felt amazing. After a while he put me to bed and we cuddled again. Nothing else happened and I was still drunk by this point. He left. When we cuddled it felt like no time had passed in a way which sounds awful.

I feel guilty for the way I acted. Like it’s not fair on DH. Why did I let myself get that way? Me and ex talked about it. He acted better that night like he did at the start of our relationship back then. I confided in him in what I was put through and he told me that I’m not happy and while that’s partly true but I love my husband but I sometimes miss the good times and being held that way. My DH holds and cuddles me too which I enjoy.

what is wrong with me?

This too. Too many people are using the MH card when they need to simply get a grip. It's an insult to people who genuinely are suffering MH disorders.

See this as a watershed moment in your life and a way to effect change. You are in control of your own life. Make effort to get the life you want rather than seeing yourself as a victim of circumstance.

If there's unresolved stuff about your DH's behaviour around the early years with the DC, speak to him about it and get it out and off your chest and move on in a healthy way rather than this petty shite. Imagine if he had come home and found you with your ex FFS!

I'd say there is a problem if anything more had happened or you want to get back with the ex. If it was just cuddling then you know not to get drunk or drink alcohol at all the next time you go out.
You'd feel better telling your husband but that might hurt him unnecessarily

Look into self compassion. Hating yourself and saying you need a good smack is not helping you.

You made a mistake, all humans make them (although not all the same make the same mistakes). Be kind to yourself while owning the behaviour and look to address the reasons behind it. Use it as a catalyst for change. But again be kind to yourself, it will help you move forward

So you invited your ex over? When will you say cuddling was actually sex? DH deserves better than this. You should’ve called him if you were concerned. You displayed disgraceful behaviour!

Hi all,
Just a reminder that troll-hunting is not allowed on our site - not least because the sort of consternation it causes on threads is precisely the sort of uproar that a troll would enjoy. We're content to let this thread run but please do keep the personal attacks down from now on.

You can't change what has happened now.However you can decide if you want to be with your husband and be a better wife , if that's what you want .
In the future I would be careful of you and your friends going off with random men.
It is not safe.This is how women end up in very dangerous situations.

Is it likely that your ex will tell your husband ? How would your husband feel if you told him what had happened? It will get out , he will find out .Is it better coming from you than your ex or friends you went out with ?

You're deluding yourself to say it's not cheating. You haven't been faithful to your husband - instead of dealing with uncomfortable feelings on your own, after your behaviour on a night out, you sought emotional and physical solace from a man who isn't your husband. It doesn't matter that there was no sex. Even worse, it was your ex, who you are clearly far too involved with.

I agree with the suggestion of counselling to get to the route cause of your behaviour and possibly even marriage counselling if you want to make things work with your current partner.

I think you do have to tell him and confess everything that happened. I do think you are minimising what happened in the club and with your ex. The words 'cuddly girl' and you mention touching in the club suggests more than a quick hug with someone. The ex putting you to bed is also bizarre and again sounds like minimizing him undressing you at a minimum.

If your partner behaved like this you have to think would you forgive them and how would you move forward.
If you cover it up and it comes out in the future then I think that would make it worse.

An attractive man gave me attention. I’m a cuddly girl. He put me to bed. I’m highlighting these things because this is what you need to work on in therapy. You are not a little girl who needs daddy to look after her. You are an adult with responsibilities towards your husband and child and long term therapy can help you. Living as a fully autonomous adult is empowering for you and your loved ones.

Not one but two men touching you, don't drink alcohol again, it doesn’t suit your personality.
Talk to your husband.

It sounds as though you have diagnosed yourself accurately here. There's probably also an element of wanting to know that you are still attractive to men now you are settled down with young children.

You know that you have crossed a line, and your heavy drinking on the night would have lowered your inhibitions and made it easy to ignore the sensible voice in your head (I know from personal experience how this can be).

You need to work on your marriage and you need to avoid alcohol on a night out. Even if you were single, drunken cuddling with two different men on the same night isn't doing anything for your self-respect, but as it stands, it is cheating even if it didn't progress to sex, and you need to be clear with yourself about that.

OMG. This must be some sort of weird joke. A cuddle is cheating? 🤣🤣🤣🤣. God some people are strange. People hug every day FFS. Howling at the 'prepare for it to be over' for hugging some random on a night out.

OP you hugged 2 people. It's not cheating. You did though, allow yourself to get in 2 situations where things could have gone further. They didn't, so no need to beat yourself up but you do need to look at your drinking. You got into a taxi with someone that you know wanted sex with you. You didn't know this man and he could have got nasty, you were lucky it all ended OK. Nothing happened so just see this as a wake up call about alcohol. It lowers your inhibitions and also makes you really anxious when it's wearing off. It sounds like you would benefit from giving up. It's easier than you think. I haven't drunk alcohol for a couple of years now and am much happier

Agree with others the club stuff was daft and I probably would have put that down to drink if I was your partner. You were cheating with the ex though. If anyone spotted the ex coming round to your house, your husband is never going to believe you just cuddled either. I also agree the cuddling the ex in your husbands bed is 100% cheating.

If my husband did this to me and invited an ex round for a cuddle in my bed whilst I was looking after DC at my Mums so he could have a lads night out, I would feel absolutley devastating betrayal and it would probably be the beginning of the end of my marriage as I it would destroy my trust in him.

I would hope to God none of this ever gets out, no more girls nights out acting like a single lady and work on your marriage. Your husband sounds like a good man and doesn't deserve to be treated like this.

If you feel the need to cheat again though please do the honourable thing and seperate from your husband first, its not fair to be cheated on. Xx

I’m on good term with my ex too. We like each others family Facebook posts and wish each other happy birthday every year. Do I invite him over for ‘cuddly girly’ time, in my bed, at the home I share with my husband? Absolutely not!

Cuddling your ex is cheating in my opinion. Your poor husband.

Calling yourself a ‘cuddly girly’ 🫣🤣 wins the cringe contest

You've cheated on your husband with your ex and you have a choice, tell him everything and watch him run or treat it as a wake-up call and stay off the booze. Like others on here, it irritates me when people use handy labels to excuse their behaviour - get a grip, take ownership and make sure it never happens again. Your DH and DC don't deserve this.

1. Stop drinking completely
2. get the therapy you keep saying you need....As in google and starting contacting them today.L
3. Cut contact with your ex today ( as in block and never speak to him again).

YOU HAVE CHILDREN. Wake up.
Stop blowing up their lives because you are emotionally flabby and cant bothered to do the hard things.

I didn’t really cheat because nothing else happened
So you are running home to tell your DH the whole thing? And if he did the same you'd be fine with it? ....unlikely. You crossed a line be glad as it could have been be a lot worse.
"Cuddly girl" is a ridiculous thing to say. Hug your mum not your ex who seemingly want to fuck you.

put down and held back my whole life.
Eye roll.... i dont know anyone who is lifted up and praised and helped their whole lives.
we are all dealt different hands.

You are an adult - You are responsible for you (and now your children) and your choices.

Your husband loved you enough to marry you. If he is so awful and "puts you down" - consider leaving. I dont buy the "always" or "never" tropes, life is full of shades. Always and never are childish language. You need take responsibility to your life and your choices.

If you dont like what you've got work to change it. ...Dont get pissed, make more poor choices and blow your life up.

Untimately i read this thinking "Your poor children".
Hope this is the wake up you need and you can address this.

You need to grow up, stop drinking and get therapy. Lots of people have trauma, childhood issues and/or struggle to adjust to being a parent its not a license to act the way you are. Its not a healthy cycle to make these choices and then be full of self hate after. If you were on here saying your h went out, invited his ex back to your home while you were at your parents people would probably be telling you to leave him.

You need to stay sober, maintain some proper boundaries and grow up. If you’re old enough to mother a child you need to stop acting like. I’m an annoying drunk so I do not drink. If you made a commitment to your husband you need to honour that promise.

You were all over some guy in a club, “cuddling” (grow up) and touching, and I’m guessing kissing, which is cheating. Then you called your ex in the middle of the night and he came over to your marital home, put you to bed and got into your husband’s bed to cuddle you? You’re awful. That is awful.

Your poor husband. He deserves better than a wife who calls her ex to come over and climb into the marital bed.

Have you told your husband what you did?

You do things on impulse so please don't feel compelled to tell your DH or he may not be your DH for much longer.

You’re married with a child and you got off with two other men in one night?

Christ, your poor DH, what a fool you’re making of him.

Stop drinking, today. Get help.

For me getting into bed with an ex and cuddling as it feels "amazing" is crossing a line and boundaries. I wouldn't want that in my relationship

Great if you and your partner think that is acceptable in a relationship... You do you.

Op needs to tell her partner what happened and let him decide if he thinks snuggling up in bed with an ex is acceptable or not. If he's fine with it, no harm done.

I don’t understand the posts telling the OP she needs therapy. If she wants therapy that’s fine but she wasn’t some sort of passive victim in this. We all make choices and some of those choices are bad ones.