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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

563 replies

LadyGreyjoy · 03/11/2025 14:42

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 09:37

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Oh for goodness sake. You're so obsessed with my daughter being conceived from an egg donor! It's odd.

She is so loved and cherished because I waited so long for her, and went through so much painful and invasive medical treatment to have her, because I wanted her that much. She has been longed for a lot longer and more than most children, certainly the ones that came along easily, quickly or by accident! Someone that decided they wanted a baby and then just had one has no idea of the longing for a child for years and the sheer gratitude for the blessing that they are when the miracle finally comes along. She completed our family and our lives, she brings us so much joy and we dote on her.

The fact she was conceived from a donated egg has nothing to do with her being so cherished so it's really odd that you're so attached to that.

OP posts:
LeadBubbles · 05/11/2025 09:38

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 08:57

I won't be capitulating to the bullies and apologising for my point of view, no.

It's quite telling that you keep on ignoring all the points a lot of PPs have politely made about why holidays can be really, really hard sometimes. You keep on saying that people say they're not worth it because it's just parenting somewhere else, but literally no one said that.

WaryHiker · 05/11/2025 09:44

Pion33r · 04/11/2025 18:24

Um it was funded by

Monash IVF Research and Education Foundation, and Reproductive Biology Unit Sperm Fund, Melbourne IVF

so not a peer reviewed well respected university and by people with a big conflict of interest .

There is nothing else anywhere and it ignores the higher chance of Autism and ADHd which absolutely do not bring a better quality of life.

Hey! Monash University is very highly regarded. It boasts the lovely Erin Patterson as one of its alumnae.

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 09:44

LeadBubbles · 05/11/2025 09:38

It's quite telling that you keep on ignoring all the points a lot of PPs have politely made about why holidays can be really, really hard sometimes. You keep on saying that people say they're not worth it because it's just parenting somewhere else, but literally no one said that.

Edited

Many people have actually said that.

Several posters have said that they don't want to play in a kids pool all day because it's boring and their idea of a holiday is drinking cocktails in the morning and sleeping in the afternoon or the prefer to leave their kids at home and go on adventures.

OP posts:
Icecreamandcoffee · 05/11/2025 09:46

It all depends on your children's personalities, your family make up, the type of holiday you are on, your expectations for the holiday, your partner and if the holiday accommodation fits your needs.

It sounds like you have been very lucky, you were able to put your child to bed at a reasonable time and had a balcony and "adult time". Not all 18 months olds go to bed so easily. Some will fight for hours in unusual places, some will wake multiple times in the night, some will want to co-sleep whilst away. Some people find themselves sat in the dark in silence from 8pm every night because their DC don't sleep.

It sounds like you are blessed with an easy child. Some children have lovely calm personalities and are great company at 18m. They go with the flow, cope wonderfully with the change in routine and the heat. Some become absolutely feral turd goblins from 12m +, which when mixed with poor sleep and heat makes them incredibly hard work. Some children need their routine, their sleep and find the whole change of location overwhelming.

1 child on holiday with 2 parents who take fair turns and parent together, is wildly different to 2+ children. Also at 18m your child will go to bed somewhat early or nap in the day giving you a break. It is a whole different ball game with multiple children age 4 up who don't nap, don't want to go to bed early due to FOMO or overstimulation with entertainment. Are staying up every night until 10pm or 11pm and up at 6am raring to go. Bicker with each other and share a room so there is no away space, constantly ask for their tablets/ phones which don't work because the hotel Wi-Fi is only in the lobby so they constantly natter to go to the lobby. Complain they are "bored", pick over and at the food and only want pizza and chicken nuggets, but they are not the same as home ones. Mix that in with a partner who does f-all, takes themselves off, decides to sit on a sun lounger or in the bar or generally doesn't parent even when present and it becomes very stressful.

Then there is the expectation, some parents go abroad expecting it to be like their child free holidays. Then realise that holidaying with children means been at breakfast early, pool early and constantly playing, beach, finding things to do, finding something children will eat, going to the kids entertainment, dealing with tantrums/ bickering/ bored kids. There is little time to sit on a sun lounger with a book for hours sipping cocktails. You can't drink too much because a hangover with 2 kids who are on the go from the crack of dawn and overstimulated is a new circle of hell. Also despite having a kids club, the kids have decided they don't want to go or it's a bit shit and so now you have the kids full time when you were expecting a few hours child free.

If you are self catering, it can be very much parenting and been at home in another location without all the things that make life at home easy.

Basically, you are blessed with an easy going child, probably a partner who pulled their weight and the set up worked for you. Many of us are not so lucky.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 05/11/2025 09:47

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 09:31

Me too to be honest.

Me to - she sounds hugly insecure.

I'm glad you had a nice time OP.

I've had lovely hoildays with my three - but this is on MN ususally said to people who are having an awful time or just had one and are dealing with disappointment and guilt about money spent and not enjoying it.

It's not on here - though can be in RL IME - said to stop people going.

I've loved pre school years and school hoildays but I'm aware our circustances made that possible and others have different circustances that make that harder.

bumptybum · 05/11/2025 09:51

Dontlletmedownbruce · 03/11/2025 14:48

Come back when you have a 4 year old

No. That’s rubbish. Unless you make a poor holiday choice it’s STILL not the same shot different location.

no holiday I have ever been on investment over daily vacuuming, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms and sitting in shit weather.

you have a 4 year old yes but you also have barely any housework other than light tidying if it’s self catering and you have a beach or a pool or a kids club or geeen spaces or a thousand other things you don’t have at home. And you budget so you aren’t cooking three meals a day. You eat out. How is this the same as at home

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/11/2025 09:54

I suppose a lot will depend on where you go and on the dcs - and on what you want to do.
We had a brilliant beach holiday with dd1 3, and dd2 3 months. Dd1 was already a water baby, would happily spend much of the day in a nice warm pool, so dh and I would usually take turns to watch her or swim with her, and there was a garden close by with nice shady trees, where I could put dd2 in her pram to sleep.

Dh and I would swim in the sea (dd1 didn’t like swimming in the sea) and water ski, but we took not even one trip out of the hotel. It was all very relaxing.

The hotel would provide babysitters, and an early evening meal for children, so we usually used a babysitter and had an adult dinner later.

Ducklove · 05/11/2025 10:04

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Ducklove · 05/11/2025 10:05

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Poppingby · 05/11/2025 10:08

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Honestly, leave her alone now. If you are right this is going to be unbearable for her and you are bullying someone vulnerable. If you are wrong it's still upsetting. I don't agree with OP's approach but you are achieving nothing by continuing to goad her with fake sympathy.

Cherrytree86 · 05/11/2025 10:09

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 09:44

Many people have actually said that.

Several posters have said that they don't want to play in a kids pool all day because it's boring and their idea of a holiday is drinking cocktails in the morning and sleeping in the afternoon or the prefer to leave their kids at home and go on adventures.

@LadyGreyjoy

whats wrong with for example leaving the kids at grandparents to have an adventurous city break and enjoy some couples time?

Cherrytree86 · 05/11/2025 10:12

Cherrytree86 · 05/11/2025 10:09

@LadyGreyjoy

whats wrong with for example leaving the kids at grandparents to have an adventurous city break and enjoy some couples time?

@LadyGreyjoy

oh and yeah playing in the pool all day every day on holidays would be fun for a lot of adults. That’s ok, it doesn’t make them any less good parents than you.

Why can’t there be a balance? Plenty of playing in pool with the kids with the odd hour here and there with the kids in kids club and the parents enjoying some down time on the sun loungers with cocktails or whatever they want to do. On a family holiday every single member of the family deserves to have fun, not just the kids.

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 10:15

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 09:37

Oh for goodness sake. You're so obsessed with my daughter being conceived from an egg donor! It's odd.

She is so loved and cherished because I waited so long for her, and went through so much painful and invasive medical treatment to have her, because I wanted her that much. She has been longed for a lot longer and more than most children, certainly the ones that came along easily, quickly or by accident! Someone that decided they wanted a baby and then just had one has no idea of the longing for a child for years and the sheer gratitude for the blessing that they are when the miracle finally comes along. She completed our family and our lives, she brings us so much joy and we dote on her.

The fact she was conceived from a donated egg has nothing to do with her being so cherished so it's really odd that you're so attached to that.

We all wanted our children op.

I wanted children for years before I had them and longed for them and I was able to get pregnant very easily.

We all wanted our children very much, it's not less than you're want because we didn't have to wait a long a you.

Believe me it was absolute sheer gratitude that each of my children entered the world safely and they are each a blessing.

"The fact she was conceived from a donated egg has nothing to do with her being so cherished so it's really odd that you're so attached to that"

This part kind of contradicts your previous paragraphs.

I have admiration for you op as there is no way in this world I would have used an egg donor or a sperm donor.

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 10:17

Poppingby · 05/11/2025 10:08

Honestly, leave her alone now. If you are right this is going to be unbearable for her and you are bullying someone vulnerable. If you are wrong it's still upsetting. I don't agree with OP's approach but you are achieving nothing by continuing to goad her with fake sympathy.

Don't be daft.

Poppingby · 05/11/2025 10:18

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 10:17

Don't be daft.

What's daft? Just no need for this goady approach as it's basically bullying and very unpleasant to witness whatever I think of the OP's original post.

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 10:18

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LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 10:19

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I've babies are cherished because of the longing that came before and the lengths parents went through to create them, not because of the method used you daft bat 😂

OP posts:
LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 10:23

Poppingby · 05/11/2025 10:18

What's daft? Just no need for this goady approach as it's basically bullying and very unpleasant to witness whatever I think of the OP's original post.

Yes it is bullying. And they're relishing it. Says a lot about them.

OP posts:
NoMoreBrownSofas · 05/11/2025 10:31

God this is just embarrassing.

Worralorra · 05/11/2025 10:34

Anything you do with your children means you have to parent! Being on holiday should be more relaxing (even if self-catering/camping) because it’s a break from the normal.

The comment quoted in the OP, IMO shows up lazy parents for what they are: when you have a child, you don’t get to have a whole holiday where you can switch off from parenting - it goes with the territory.

So what you do is make it fun for all of you - as OP has demonstrated, she had a lovely time spending more time than normal with her LO and DH: which is exactly how it should be!

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 10:38

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 10:19

I've babies are cherished because of the longing that came before and the lengths parents went through to create them, not because of the method used you daft bat 😂

"She is so loved and cherished because I waited so long for her, and went through so much painful and invasive medical treatment to have her, because I wanted her that much."

Just reminding you said this a few messages back.

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 10:41

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 10:38

"She is so loved and cherished because I waited so long for her, and went through so much painful and invasive medical treatment to have her, because I wanted her that much."

Just reminding you said this a few messages back.

Yes? Are you struggling to understand the difference between something being special because you went to Great lengths to achieve it and something being special because it was done using a specific technique?

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 05/11/2025 10:41

LadyGreyjoy · 04/11/2025 19:11

Err, no?

It's a thread about the scaremongering of holidays with kids being pointless because you're still looking after your kids just in a different place being wrong. Are you confused?

It's so odd to call it scaremongering when that is some peoples experience? You even said below if you had to go self catering in a caravan with kids you wouldn't bother going?? In fact you haven't bothered to have a holiday for 5 years because you've needed to save up for this one specific type of holiday, which proves the point that you have no interest in doing a budget self catering holiday because you don't think you'd enjoy it!!

Quite frankly, if I could only afford a caravan that I couldn't easily fit all my kids in and had nothing to cook a proper dinner with making it super stressful like posters are claiming holidays are, I just wouldn't go.

Holidays are what you make them OP, some people feel like they are the same as home but in a different location, they still GO though and give the kids a lovely holiday to enjoy, so what if they are honest about not really enjoying them.

It's better than depriving the kids of the holiday AT ALL!!

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 10:46

LadyGreyjoy · 05/11/2025 10:41

Yes? Are you struggling to understand the difference between something being special because you went to Great lengths to achieve it and something being special because it was done using a specific technique?

lolz, nice try.