To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

[LadyGreyjoy]

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

Nothing like the smug parent of an only child to pop up every now and again to point out their faux naïveté about how a situation they found easy could possibly be difficult for others 🤣

For me, @LadyGreyjoy, what made holidays harder than normal, daily life, was a mixture of not having all the boys’ toys with us - less choice sometimes meant more arguments over sharing, or meant that the one toy or book they desperately wanted at that precise moment, had been forgotten; plus being out of their normal routines - different beds, different food, eating out more often, and more travelling.

And then the demands of days out - we did make sure that we did things that were appropriate for their ages, but also wanted to do things dh and I would enjoy too - a stately home or castle with an adventure playground, and making sure we didn’t spend too long looking at the things that didn’t interest them as much - but it is definitely harder taking three young boys round a stately home than it is wrangling them at home.

I do also think it is perfectly possible for children who are fine at home to react badly to the changes in routine etc on holiday, and behave completely out of character - so a child can be a nightmare on holiday, and fine at home. We saw this when ds1 and our DIL brought our two-year-old granddaughter to stay with us - she simply did not cope at all, and was so distressed and unhappy that they had to cut the stay short and head home. They were shocked at how badly she coped.

This!

I remember my sil being like this UNTIL she had a second (male) child. 😏

Op if you only work 4 days why do you only get 2 hours a day with your child?

To me a HOLIDAY is being able to fully relax, sleep in and stay up late if I want, being able to have a cocktail in the afternoon if I want, chill with a book, explore where I want, do the things that truly interest me.

Taking my 3 to Wales means keeping the same sleep regime largely cos they won't sleep any later than normal, doing the things that they want (beach, farm, zoo, castle etc) and I'm happy doing that because I love my kids and they make nice memories. I don't afternoon drink or only lightly cos I'm responsible for them. I don't sit and read a book on the beach because they want to go in the sea and build castles and climb rocks and want me to be a part of that. So I agree it doesn't make it not worth going, but it does mean I'm just doing the same thing in a different place. As opposed to having an AI holiday with no laundry, cooking, cleaning etc, using the resort entertainment for the kids, etc. which is doing more fun stuff than usual and less work stuff than usual.

I don't agree for a minute that just doing the same parenting in a different place makes it's not a holiday or not worth bothering. I stand by that.

That may be true based on your lived experience and is also true for me (in terms of same parenting in a different place not being a reason not to go on holiday). I have one 3yo child who is fairly easy going, a partner who shares parenting responsibilities 50/50 and enough disposable income to afford AI in nice, family friendly locations.

That isn't everyone's reality though.

When I think of my friend who has two under 3 (one of whom has significant developmental delays) and is operating within a very tight budget I can totally understand why she might not think that holidays are worth bothering with. That doesn't mean she's not coping or she's not as good a parent as me because I do go on holiday with my son (which is the undertone of this thread).

Why aren’t I surprised by this.

So… maternity leave…didn’t meet another mum that you got on with at any playgroup?

I am going to guess that when you’re child starts school you’ll be starting threads about school gate cliques, perceived slights and being left out!

@SleepingStandingUp op works 6am-7pm hence why such limited time with her child on these 4 day. I’m impressed that even manages to carves out 2 hours if working 6am-7pm tbh

Doesn’t surprise me either.

I mean I had lots of friends but also found it helpful to make local friends with people who had children of the same age..

It’s a small minded approach to shut this off. But is that surprising from the OP?

Doesn't sound like 3-4 kids is achievable for you op, unfortunately.

It's certainly not awful.

I had 4 children, I have 3 now and I couldn't imagine not having them.

Of course you can do cultural things! We just spent a week doing exactly that. Family holidays are for the family, so everyone gets a say in what we do.

We gave our son a list of child friendly activities in Florence and he chose a few that we incorporated into the week. He saw a giant train set, took a gelato making class and played in the museum of illusions.

Alongside those we did palaces and art galleries for me and my husband. Our son has a little camera and we set him tasks like ‘How many lions can you find?’. His favourite challenge was searching for skulls and crossbones in churches :)

Having children doesn’t mean you’re sentenced to beach holidays for the next eighteen years 🤷🏻‍♀️ My husband and I like cities. We’re not beach people.

I've been on here for years and I don't recall seeing posts from people claiming having 3 or 4 children is awful 😅

There's ones like this where people have said it makes holidays a little more difficult but i genuinely don't recall ever seeing posts from people claiming having a large family is awful 😅

OP you are still missing the point that your holiday with ‘someone making your bed’ etc, a supportive partner and one easy going baby is not representative of the types of holidays that the ‘moaners’ you’ve seen on Mumsnet are talking about.

You created a post saying you don’t understand at all why people say it’s just parenting in a different location and not a holiday and are ignoring that being in a resort where you are doing no cooking and cleaning, no bed making, and are passing one easy going baby between two partners who are both pulling their weight is a luxury a lot of other mothers don’t have.

OP clearly said she doesn't want 3-4 kids. I also don't think having 3-4 kids is an achievement tbh

They are the best thing I've ever done in my life and I've raised them to be wonderful people. Anything else I've achieved doesn't compare.

Quite the achievement to do it 3/4 times over.

Successfully raising 3-4 children is entirely different from having 3-4 children. Regardless, op said she didn't want that many children and you've come back and said it wouldn't be 'achievable' for her. Not everyone wants that many kids!

I just think people can moan about what they want. You asked if you were being unreasonable not to understand other people's complaints. You're obviously N being U to not have experienced the difficulty - hurray for you - but I'm sure you've got enough imagination to understand why others might. The smug tone of your following posts really made me worry how you will feel when parenting does get difficult at some point OP, because it seems like venting to other mums about it is off-limits to you and parenting will, at some point, become a struggle in some way -- almost 100% guaranteed unless you have given birth to a programmable android baby. Maybe you'll change your mind about moaning mums then, I dunno.

When mumsnet first started it was SUCH a breath of fresh air to hear stories of how I wasn't weird for not feeling shiny and happy at all times as a mother. I guess those stories have entered normal discourse now but being able to say it is not less helpful I shouldn't think. You don't have to understand the exact circumstances to understand that surely.

I am so glad you are happy with your life choices LadyGreyjoy

Those mums who struggle quite enjoy meeting up with other mums to share experiences or just hang out while the kids play. And lots of us really enjoy a good moan too...

There are upsides and downsides with every situation and in the end I think we're all just doing our best.

It certainly sounds awful to me.

Apparently it's chaos, makes nice relaxing holidays unaffordable and makes holidays at all unenjoyable. So unenjoyable posters with 3-4 kids are laughing at how mums with only children have no idea how hard it is and won't be enjoying their holidays anymore if they have more!

No thanks!

I wonder if threads like these that turn into bun fights are better on chat than AIBU as in I just had a fab hols with my little one etc, does anyone else enjoy hols like this etc or do you find them a nightmare etc

Wow so the reasons to have children are now down to how holidays are impacted. Err ok.

Where has she done that?

You have ONE child. Come back when you have more then we can see how smug you are.

Well if holidays are same shit different location.. it sounds like it would be a nightmare at home too 🤷‍♀️

I have one child and genuinely one of the reasons I don't want anymore is cos our holidays and travel experiences are great. I don't see why that offends anyone?