To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

[LadyGreyjoy]

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

Oh OP it's very easy with one little one, it's not so easy with two or more, especially if you have age gaps and different interests, and especially if they are neurodivergent or disabled (or both in our case).
I used to think like you when mine were small, it's much more challenging now one has a health condition and they are older (and they are ND).

Maybe save the smugness?

Surely it’s obvious that different people have different experiences? I’ve had three holidays with my 18 month old; one was lovely, one he had tonsillitis and we came home early and one the weather was so hot I worried about him being outside, he didn’t sleep properly and had a dodgy tummy that had me changing nappies ALL day.

Yep… you don’t know. You said it.

I love my DCs more than anything but staying in a hotel alone for the night is a level of relaxation that is unmatched! The only real time as a parent you can switch off and just sleep without thinking about small people waking you up at night.

Come back when she is three and you will understand.

To be fair OP, 18 months isn’t really in the thick of it as far as toddlers are concerned. My eldest was an angel until 3, I used to smugly wonder what people were talking about with the terrible twos. Anyway he’s been very hard work ever since, in different ways. My youngest is 2.5 and in the throes of the terrible twos, I’d genuinely have thought people on social media were exaggerating until I’d seen it myself. He also has never slept well.

While in principle I agree with you about the whole just wait thing being annoying - you are on a parenting forum asking a question about parenting and people are simply sharing their experiences. A mum of an 18 month old is nowhere near as experienced as a mum of older children / teenagers, especially one with multiple kids. I get it though, I thought I knew everything and had it all cracked when I just had one your daughter’s age.

Our DC1 first went camping when she was about 10 months; DC2 was about 3 months on his first trip. Your 18 month-old is more than old enough to enjoy camping! If you’re worried about temperature, you could go somewhere in mid France Spring/Summer. Not cold at night and hopefully not too hot in the daytime. French campsites tend to have great facilities, pools and often activity clubs for kids too. Maybe not the clubs for an 18 month-old but as she gets older she might be interested. To be fair, neither of my children have ever wanted to do kids club on a holiday which was fine by me, I like their company on holiday most of the time (although we have had some less enjoyable holidays over the years!)

I think we can all think that we are the best parents at different stages . But it is so dependent on the child / location . With my first we had a really lovely overseas holiday when DC was under a year . Great bargain , all inclusive . We had people coming up to us and praising our parenting skills . Were quite smug - thinking what great parents we were . …
6 months later - we thought we would repeat the experience . Nightmare our DC was fully mobile , the resort wasn’t ideal for that - we even got into trouble by the hotel staff for the noise our DC was making !!!
Throw more children into the mix , more difficult . Was also too pricey for hotel rooms and booked cottages instead. I know we were really lucky as not everyone can afford holidays . But do agree that it does become childcare in a different location . It does get better when they get bigger and can be more independent and play together .

Also enjoyed having more space than a hotel room .

@LadyGreyjoy re camping, we first went when she was 16 weeks old, and have been a couple of times a year since, earliest is usually May and latest end of September and we’ve never had an issue with falling temperatures at night. This year was the first year she was out of her Mounts slumber sack (bit like a sleeping bag onesie 😂) and in a child’s sleeping bag on a air mattress and she LOVED it.

Not everyone’s two or three year old is a nightmare though. My boy had his moments (and still does at very nearly five) but overall he’s very well behaved and holidaying with him is great. His sister is a little more highly strung so jury is out on whether she’ll be a terror as a two year old.

If I’m staying somewhere other than my house, eating new food and seeing new places then it’s a holiday regardless of how the children are behaving.

My sister would have agreed with you - her first was a charming little angel who just fitted in with whatever was going on. She was very smug and a bit critical of others that weren’t enjoying toddler hood as much as her.
The second one, well, not quite so easy. In fact she got a “child whisperer” in to see what was wrong with them, nothing was the verdict, just not to be compared to the placid first born.

Mine were awful toddlers, but lovely teens, so swings and roundabouts really. Everything good and bad is just a stage with little kids, it wont last!

I think when people are struggling, it can be hard to listen to how great it is for someone else. Hence the comments.
Your 18 month old is great, lots of people's are. But lots of people struggle.

Even after all the comments on this thread, do you still not understand that different people have different experiences on holiday?

If I’m staying somewhere other than my house, eating new food and seeing new places then it’s a holiday regardless of how the children are behaving.
This. It depends what you want from a holiday of course but I agree with this. It might not be particularly relaxing in the main but if I'm getting to see towns and natural wonders and museums I wouldn't otherwise and not at work then it's always worth it and it's a good holiday.

I bet you wouldn’t express this bafflement at a coffee with nursery mums op or a playgroup!

You can’t do museums and cultural stuff when you’re on holiday with small kids! Not fair on them, they’d rather be splashing about in a kids pool or beach - so that’s what you should each and every day, all day every day on holiday. Family holidays are for the kids at the end of the day.

I think it is always a struggle going overseas with a child who is still in nappies. Partly because of the amount of stuff you have to pack and get from place to place. Unless you're not the default parent! If you're not the one handling tantrums, early starts, bedtime routine, nappy change in a plane toilet, feeding child, getting up in the night... maybe it's more fun!

I don't regret our holidays, but I don't have many happy memories either. Nor do small children. They're rarely interested in the photos either!

If you go all inclusive, or with helpful family, and book all the extras like valet parking, car hire etc it takes away some of the strain. I think age 2-4 is the hardest age, as you have to watch them like a hawk!

My first born- angel all the time anywhere,

My second - first holiday at 14 months, darling angel, 2nd holiday at 3 - shit show, traumatised 😂

Of course you can. We have done and will continue to do. It's a balance. We spend more time at the pool than we would have done previously but not all day every day.

I don't agree at all that family holidays are all about the kids. They are for the whole family.

I don't do coffee with mums from anywhere, I find mum groups insufferable. Too much moaning!

I also don't want to hang out with people I have nothing in common with other than having a child when I have actual friends I've known for years and enjoy spending time with.

You don't need to tell me how hard it is to see people happy when you're struggling. Five years of infertility and endless pregnancy announcements taught me that.

Not once did I ever make snide comments to those women like "just you wait until they're two and they're a nightmare!" Just to piss on their joy. I guess some people are just more spiteful than others.

I understand some kids are an absolute nightmare on holiday, but they sound like the same kids who are an absolute nightmare at home and it was to be expected. I don't agree for a minute that just doing the same parenting in a different place makes it's not a holiday or not worth bothering. I stand by that.

And as for the 3-4 kids comments, these seem to come up whenever anyone mentions healthy eating, after school activities, going on holiday, paying uni fees etc. It's always the same, people pop up with wait until you've got 4 kids, then you'll see that these things aren't really doable! It just makes it sound like people are having more kids than they can cope with really then using that as a stick to beat people with who chose to have fewer kids so they didn't have to compromise on those things.

When we went on holiday to Bluestone, it was very much “same shit, different location” scenario as I was the one cooking and cleaning.

But when we went on a cruise, it was absolutely amazing because I did no meal planning, cooking or cleaning.

Obviously they are completely different holidays, which is the point you seem to be missing.

But, don’t let that detract from you clearly being a far superior parent to most, which is what you’re really trying to say…

Since when is voicing the realities of parenting 3-4 children on holiday not coping?

I used to get snide comments from my pregnancy announcements as I fell pregnant very easily and had 3 children one after the other. You can't win.

And there is far more to parenting than being able to afford holidays. Holidays aren’t the first thing that come to mind when I evaluate my parents and childhood. The fact that they struggled to do expensive holidays but gave us experiences on the budget they had and made us value the small things is a big bonus in my eyes. They showed they loved us and parented amazingly in so many other ways.

Op’s idea of priorities as regards parenting is not necessarily one her child will value years down the line.

I commented upthread saying an 18 month old on holiday isnt comparable to 3-4 children

I only have 2 children myself 😅

I don't think people are using it as a stick to beat other people with 😅 their just stating facts? It is harder for people with larger families on holidays/life. Kids who bicker, fussy eaters, different perspectives on fun activities ect

You write a lot about how good your life seems to be...... somthing must be missing for you to feel the need to come on here and make a thread about your holiday 😅

I suspect you are not as happy as you make our or you wouldn't be trying to compare yourself to families with completely different set ups