Parents hoarding money

[Antisocialg1t]

Speaking to my Dad today and he boasted he saves £2,000 / month and has well in excess of £250,000 sitting in the bank. He was lamenting not having enough places to put his money without paying tax. He also stated that in retirement he's never had it so good compared to his working life.

I can't help but feel resentment. I think this stems from the almost daily grind of raising two children (15 and 13), always wanting the best for them, and sacrificing constantly. I'm hugely motivated by the fact I strongly believe that adult life is going to be harder for them than it was for me and hugely more difficult than it was for my parent's generation. I just can't reconcile feeling how I do about my children, and knowing that my dad thinks very differently about me and my family. It has brought to mind how little he's ever done for my children / his grandchildren, despite being retired for their entire lives. It's also brought into sharp focus how much of his time he's used to save and hoard money, rather than give more of himself.

But I feel huge guilt because this has come up because of a conversation about money.

Anyone else in a similar position?

The 2014 Care Act, Section 70, allows councils to treat gifts as notional capital and recover them, if in its opinion the donor expected to need care in the foreseeable future when the gift was made.

Thanks big boy kitty for saying What a despicable post! to this

nearlylovemyusername · Yesterday 21:30

What a lovely friend you have.
She must be in her 50s? sponging from her elderly parents and expecting her Mum to pay for caring for her for a few weeks when unwell? and no pay, no care?
At this stage my friend is making plans to get back into part time employment for financial reasons. - so she's able to work part time but prefers to sponge tax payers, not only her parents? and you seem to support her?
low life

Well maybe I should give some more background on my friends mother. This lady has found the time to help out her other adult kids but moans anytime my friend asks her for the smallest help for years. She has helped out her other adult kids financially but meanwhile has made comments that my friend whose on benefits isn't that badly off.
Her mother has a good pension and savings.
A few years ago my friend was going through a lot and her mother said well you just have to put up with this. My friend is currently doing voluntary work and is very good at this.

Her mother refused to move house to one more suitable as she got older. My friend is currently looking into a few things in regards to care ect long term because she won't do something that will effect her mother getting care/help later on. As she said to me that it one thing saving money but there comes a time that you have to be willing to spend it to make life easier as you get older.

Why your friend doesn't work though? she seeming can work at least part time.

Don't you think it's something about your friend that her DM helps other kids but not her?

I stand my point - I find it disgusting when adult kids, mature in this case, expect handouts from their parents.

You don't seem to get phycological aspect of old age.

When you're of working age you can do something about money - change job, move area, work more hours, do some training and get better paid job. When you're retired and old you don't have these options, what you have if what you have, that's it. And you also don't know how long you have to stretch this for, if you're going to live two more years or 30.
When you have kids and your relationships are such that you know you'll be taken care of no matter what, it's easy to give everything away. But if you know, like that friend's mum, that you'll have to pay for care, it makes a lot of sense to keep enough so you aren't left at mercy of LA.
This also makes some difference when kids are young, have own little kids, making every effort, or when they coast through life expecting someone else to pay for them.

It's up to him.
He might need it for his old age and his care home.
Why do people always think they should tell other people how to spend their money.

I have LPA for an elderly relative, she's been in a dementia care home for ten years. It's cost well over half a million probably closed to a million but I haven't gone through the figures just know it was about £50k a year at the start and nearly £80k now and she's still going strong. Fortunately she didn't budget for 18 months or she couldn't have stayed in the excellent home that gives her such excellent care.

You think there will be no state pension in 2030? Is that for new and existing claimants?

Exactly this! 250k can disappear fast when care is needed. My grandmother is in a lovely home, also around 7k/mo, others nearby cost 12k/mo. She’s lived there for 5 years so far, and is in excellent health so we hope for many years to come. Her best friend in the home is 103 years old. Save, people!

It’s an awkward one isn’t it as to be honest ‘anyone’ around over75 say could have ‘an expectation. Of care’ at some point - which is why I think we have to bring in long term care insurance via paying in - but restrict assets to be taken -

Completely agree.
My step father constantly tells me how high interest rates were in the 1980's and how tough they had it, but still fails to acknowledge that he still managed to keep a roof over their head (wife and 3 kids) as a sole income of a greengrocer!

The world is so different now.

Exactly. And that’s why it’s beyond stupid to give your money away.

Completely agree. And also, in the current climate, do people really thing that the UK government is going to prioritise capping the cost of care to the elderly over other spending priorities? And even if they did introduce an NI surcharge to cover care, does anyone have any confidence that the funds would be ringfenced for that expenditure or, as is far more likely, be absorbed into the general tax receipts pot to spent at the whim of whichever government is in power, with care ending up in the same position it is now...

Another important factor is that, assuming you've had a reasonably comfortable life, are you really going to be happy with whatever care home the state is offering / willing to pay for, or would you rather have some choice in the matter? I know that's important to my parents and , I suspect, many others. For many, there's nothing more soul destroying that not having choices, though I accept for the tiny minority where children are in genuine need and the parents have fund but do not help that is the very position the children find themselves in. That's the exception though, not the norm - often there are choices but no will to make them... Having said that, despite being in their 80s, my parents are away again this weekend, for the second time this year, spending their money somewhere sunny. And who I am to begrudge them that :)

But every person has an expectation of care at some point in their lives. By that logic I can't even buy essentials for my young children or give them toys at Christmas.

very much so step has holiday s every 2nd month or so . Long haul , luxury.- india , safari, the like . No expense spared.

new conservatory. Etc

new cars

when ds asked for help ( just the once for some dental treatment he needed ) she said ask your mum and dad.
we were helping him at the time with a rental deposit and part of the rent as were he lives is expensive We have. A leaking consevatatory and essential jobs need doing on the house.
we continue to work as we want to support the dc - dh is 67- with house deposit s when she could help them and it would have no impact on her whatsoever.

she is only 15 years my senior, I am aware I will never have any help as ahe has longevity and just something would be nice for us or dc.
she was helped by her parents and I do not understand why you would not therefore pass that on .

I think some people here just like to provoke or scare, weirdly.

ETA I didn’t mean to quote my post.

She sounds a real charmer !! My FIL helps our son out in London a lot . He’s a hard working lad at 27 , just struggles with rent deposits at times

Swapping sophistry for common sense gives you an easy solution here.