Parents hoarding money

[Antisocialg1t]

Speaking to my Dad today and he boasted he saves £2,000 / month and has well in excess of £250,000 sitting in the bank. He was lamenting not having enough places to put his money without paying tax. He also stated that in retirement he's never had it so good compared to his working life.

I can't help but feel resentment. I think this stems from the almost daily grind of raising two children (15 and 13), always wanting the best for them, and sacrificing constantly. I'm hugely motivated by the fact I strongly believe that adult life is going to be harder for them than it was for me and hugely more difficult than it was for my parent's generation. I just can't reconcile feeling how I do about my children, and knowing that my dad thinks very differently about me and my family. It has brought to mind how little he's ever done for my children / his grandchildren, despite being retired for their entire lives. It's also brought into sharp focus how much of his time he's used to save and hoard money, rather than give more of himself.

But I feel huge guilt because this has come up because of a conversation about money.

Anyone else in a similar position?

That’s not true. As a cohort a generation can have higher prevalence of certain characteristics on average than the general population, and significantly so, without some nutty claim that it applies to every person in that generation, which is not what the PP was saying. Some of that generation not being like that does not in any way disprove this at a cohort level.

Highly unlikely to be “fair” unless he has properly index-linked his calculations in the spreadsheet. Somehow I doubt it: usually these types of misers have no actual clue about the value of anything, understanding the difference between nominal and real-terms value, opportunity cost, discounting, compounding, etc.

How do you know? I give you the WASPI women. Need I say more?

Unlikely he will have done any of those things…and that’s the rub!

They most certainly have NOT had a comfortable life from the start, growing up in the aftermath of the second world war. Many if not most of us grew up without central heating for a start, with telephones and then colour tvs appearing much later along the way. We bought scruffy falling down houses which we did up after work, sat on secondhand sofas if we were lucky (otherwise, orange boxes), and scrimped and saved for a carpet eventually. I washed up in the bathroom sink for eighteen months because I didn't have a kitchen at one point. As for getting a mortgage as a single woman, well that wasn't so easy either.

What we didn't have to contend with was ruinous rates of stamp duty, so the market was more fluid and we could work our way up the ladder, but easy? Absolutely not.

ETA @RubySquid I think I may have misreadf your post, the "they" was a bit ambiguous. Apologies if so. 😊

Not sure being humble ever got women anywhere.

Sounds sensible to me. Those who've ponced the most get less inheritance to even it out so the siblings who didnt come with the begging bowl don't miss out

I think we have differing timescales lol. What you are describing is my parents generation I was thinking more of many of my kids generations, those in 30s mainly. ( born late 80s/90s)

My In-laws always say they are incredibly grateful to have lived in their time period. They are 92 and 88 insist on paying for family meals, pay for anyone’s parking etc when doing errands on their behalf, gifting max possible to grandchildren (having wished they had started earlier), basically using every opportunity to make a dent in their money. They refuse to claim attendance allowance because they don’t financially need it. They are really worried about climate change and future wars.

They know that they have benefited from the increase in asset prices since 1980s but they struggled when they were young. It’s all relative. They saved hard to pay for old people’s home which it looks like they will not need but that may change as they didn’t want to be a burden.

As a society we are now driven by consumerism. Do we need a new bathroom / kitchen every 10 years or so? Do we actually need a newer car every 4 years? Etc etc. our need for material things has driven up demand and therefore prices.

The UK population has soared and people are living longer (some with horrendous conditions such as Alzheimer’s/ Parkinson’s)

But that was the trend in the 80s. Boozy lunches were an acceptable thing. Times and attitudes have changed. The world has become more competitive.

My dad was an alcoholic for the best part of 50 years, drank everything he earned. He eventually gave it up 15 years ago when he ended up in a coma. Now he has saved over 100 grand since then, his reason is so that when he dies my mam will be somewhat comfortable and not struggle. There's 4 siblings and we're all fine with that. Wouldn't think for a minute that he should pay towards our weddings/buying homes/putting our kids through college etc..

Every month when premium bond time arrives I am planning how I can help my AC and their families.

Can't identify at all with your father's attitude.

Remember when change happens it will impact you eventually.

This is what my in-laws do. Any win means they buy something for the grandchildren. My DH and brother have an agreement with their parents that spending money goes to grandchildren who are all late 20s as they need it the most.

My parents on the other hand just about get by. There is no stack of money there and they do need pension credit.

Gifting max possible? There is no limit to what you can gift.

Facts matter, especially about the economics, but your statements about the motivations, narcissism and general evil of people who just happen to be born into that generation seem to be based far more on anecdote, which is exactly what you accuse them of.

Not a boomer btw.

@WhatFamily I do partly agree and I very much feel far too many directives are very much to appease the over 60s who vote more ( and I’m 63) however I will also say the idea that all young people are hard working productive people working all hours isn’t exactly the case either - it’s a more nuanced picture - I run a business myself and a good many younger people I’ve employed expected it all on their terms and to put it bluntly were often somewhat flakey - my son is 27 and a hard working lad in IT hardware and client services, he says exactly the same about many 22 to 30 year old his company employs, sick at the drop of a hat, can’t take any criticism , can’t cope with client sites or working within an office. Yep life’s harder for younger people but there are plenty who don’t help themselves by being unreliable or going off travelling at the drop of a hat when companies have invested time and effort in training - it’s not everyone by a long stretch but lots of it goes on - so yep I do think many older people are somewhat I’m all right Jack but there are plenty of younger people not putting in the consistency or legwork to maybe put themselves in a bit better position , flexibility is a biggie for lots of them, wanting to work from home without much of a track record, not start before 10 etc -

I would save your breath. They don't want to hear anything that doesn't fit into their narrative that no generstion has ever had it tougher than them

Compassion?
Reading your posts - are you actually serious??

it’s annoying that he rubs your nose in it, but perhaps ask yourself, would you be happy to care for him if and when he becomes frail? If not, it makes sense for him to have a financial cushion.

This is my daughter’s experience. She is twenty and says many of her peers are snowflakes.

I agree that it is a nuanced picture regardless of age.

I completely agree that facts matter.

What are the sources for the facts behind your statements here?

Edit: what are the sources for the ‘facts’ or rather the sweeping statements you made about boomers in the post I quoted, @WhatFamily ?