Parents hoarding money

[Antisocialg1t]

Speaking to my Dad today and he boasted he saves £2,000 / month and has well in excess of £250,000 sitting in the bank. He was lamenting not having enough places to put his money without paying tax. He also stated that in retirement he's never had it so good compared to his working life.

I can't help but feel resentment. I think this stems from the almost daily grind of raising two children (15 and 13), always wanting the best for them, and sacrificing constantly. I'm hugely motivated by the fact I strongly believe that adult life is going to be harder for them than it was for me and hugely more difficult than it was for my parent's generation. I just can't reconcile feeling how I do about my children, and knowing that my dad thinks very differently about me and my family. It has brought to mind how little he's ever done for my children / his grandchildren, despite being retired for their entire lives. It's also brought into sharp focus how much of his time he's used to save and hoard money, rather than give more of himself.

But I feel huge guilt because this has come up because of a conversation about money.

Anyone else in a similar position?

That won't go far if he ends up needing care though, not sure why you're so unhappy about it OP. Would you prefer he gives you the money now, and then you end up doing the caring?

that money will look after one person in a care home for two and a half years, puts it in perspective

If you dont invest it to generate income, if they dont have a state pension, if they don't have a private pension, if you don't apply for attendance allowance.

Care is expensive but no need to scare people more than necessary.

Personally, if I do need care I’d like to be in control of when I get it and what I get, not at the mercy of someone who works for a local council. So that needs money.

We feel exactly the same.

I don't know if it's the case with your dad, but I think many people who were brought up in poverty just cannot quit the habit of saving money and not "frittering" it away. It's baked in to their consciousness and no amount of reasoning can shift it.

Why do you think we're talking about euthanasia now in a serious way

I think it's just indicative of the generational shift that's happening. Boomers simply have a lot more money than their children. They're an outlier generation- the peak of wide-reaching British wealth. We're on the decline and my generation (age 46) is the first generation to step onto the downward slope; it is galling in the extreme. We're working hard but we're never (collectively) going to attain the standard of living our parents did. I have benefited from my Boomer parent's excess income. I have property that I bought because of my mum's frugal living and generosity. She was a single mum teacher. Some people in that generation (including my mum) experienced real poverty as kids. I think that combination - slum childhood, affluent adulthood, CAN make people a) think they are self-made (they're mostly not -they are age made, as in made by the age they were born into), and b) tight for fear and memory of poverty. I get very irritated by Boomer swagger, but I do think it's a symptom of their life experiences and the decades they lived through.

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You’ve summed it up perfectly there. Boomer swagger is definitely what my dad has. Thank you for giving it a name.

I’m a boomer (just). Currently I do have a lot more disposable income than my children (early 30s) thanks to inheritance from my parents and no longer having a mortgage etc. We had our share of struggling financially when our sons were growing up thanks to stupidity high interest rates of approx 14% in the 90s and me giving up work, but we survived. My sons will in all probability be more affluent than us. They’re both have bought property and are high earners. I do think though you’re right in that your past experiences does influence your attitude to money etc. having struggled in the past were of the mindset enjoy it. There are no pockets in a shroud! My sons probably know they’ll get a good inheritance but they don’t expect it.

There's also bloody loads of them, and thanks to their high quality of life, they're lasting! I do not wish them dead! However, I do wish them humility. My parents both acknowledge their extreme privilege as a generation. But the ones that are oblivious to how kindly life has treated them in terms of housing, education, health, etc. and put their fortunate circumstances wholey down to their own savvy and graft, are so infuriating. I also have a lot to say about how professional standards from that generation to this have become a lot more exacting than they were. Life is harder and more demanding because of this. Imagine a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants teacher or socials worker in the 1970s. These people don't exist anymore. I work in maternity. The audits and reviews, the constant scrutiny... it's the same across medicine. Being a professional nowadays is a different game. I am happy to hear views contrary to this, and I realise I have gone off on a Boomer rant tangent!! Apologies. Anger issues!

Of course we’re lasting - the oldest of us are 80 and the youngest are 61. Average life expectancy is 82. I don’t expect to live as long as my Great Generation parents who were 99 and 97 when they died.

Fair point! And I hope you do last, all of you.

I hope you're never given the right to decide when your 'elderly' relation dies! They're a bit inconvenient - kill them. They're costing too much of your inheritance- kill them. Hooe you're ok with someone deciding to bump you off because they consider you no longer worth anything. Enjoy the prospect. Euthenia is a slippery slope.

Oh I hear you sista. We are singing from the same hymn sheet! Mine has no humility or understanding. He had long boozy dinners in the city, came home pissed as a fart from work on a final salary pension. I work on a modest salary as a medical professional. He does nothing but moan about the younger generation. Got to love him though 😬😬😬

My father had great enjoyment watching his grandchildren each getting a house deposit when he downsized and used his savings. He said it was the best thing he could have done as he was here to see this. Luckily they were all sensible and guided by parents.
As long as possible he will be cared for by family however we cannot guarantee this as who knows what lies ahead.

Similar scenario with FIL at 86- lovely old guy but ex BBC when they used to have long lunches with a pint, hide in toilets forever reading the paper and left at 5.30 on dot - full final salary non contrib pension , full expat package at several points- it’s so very different and he realises this as we are self employed and 27 year old son has very modest benefits, student loan etcFIL thinks the pressure and lack of benefits in so many jobs are crap and he does help our son out a lot financially as he’s in London flat sharing in a pretty decent job but very modest benefits and just under£40k fifty a pretty responsible role in tech

It’s tough hey! At least it sounds like FIL understands a little?? Mine is stubborn and convinced young people are feckless and lazy!! And guards his money like an Alsatian guards its owner!!

Yep - the aspect my FIL does get is housing as he was able to buy years ago a 3 bed semi for £31k on a £18k salary with MIL not working and built from there - they also had a pretty nice 3 bed council flat at social housing level rents for 5 years even on average wages or just above and were able to save because of that

Absolutely. Humility is precisely what is missing from a large proportion of that cohort, and compassion. A large dose of the former might finally induce a little of the latter so our laws and policies need to ensure that this happens. It’s necessary economically but frankly, it would also be good for society for the self-righteous proportion of them to be taken down a few pegs.

How do you know "that cohort" is lacking in humility?

How would you like them "taken down a few pegs"?

Boomer swagger, yes. That’s precisely it. Parading around like a an ostentation of peacocks thinking somehow their feathers are the result of them working so hard at pecking seeds that were laid out on the floor in front of them. It comes down to an enormous failure to be able to look beyond personal anecdotes and experiences and evaluate data objectively, so basically massive ignorance and refusal to engage with evidenced facts because they find their prejudices and self-justification comforting.

Many of them are actually convinced that they deserve luxurious state-subsidised lifestyles even if they could easily support themselves and even if them milking the state like this on top of their extreme privileges and opportunities compared to any other generation in history impoverishes the rest of society just because they worked when they were of working age. 🤔🧐 It’s still always the sob story and “woe is me” and personal anecdotes and total refusal to engage at all with established economic facts.

It’s not all of them, but a large proportion of that generation are the most selfish and narcissistic people in society and also very deluded about their own “achievements” when, these days, someone with the same skills and work ethic and occupation would be struggling to keep a roof over their head at all.

1. Read the thread and many others like it. Read their self-righteous comments on any forum. It’s not difficult to see that a very large proportion of them are indeed like this, and behave in a callous manner even to their own families as the thread evidences; the rest of society sees it as clear as day.

2. Fairer distribution of taxes and tax revenue so that we stop undertaxing the people who created this economic mess, and also stop funnelling over 50% of public spending onto 15% of the population, at least half of which don’t require it. Instead, we need to redirect this public spending to productive parts of the economy which will actually raise productivity and growth and therefore living standards (education, infrastructure, industrial policy) that have been starved of cash because of this specific generation having a stranglehold over fiscal policy for decades now and the vast majority of this generation voting in their own interests with no thought for the impact on wider society, to hell with their children and grandchildren’s living standards. Then trying to blame younger people for what they have done and calling them “lazy” when all of the data shows that a higher proportion of people work now, and work longer hours, and work for more years, and the tax burden is much higher, and public services are worse, life expectancy falling, PPP falling, living standards deteriorate year on year etc., while that cohorts’ supreme entitlement and belief persists that they “deserve” to be better off on average than the average net salary for full time work, with those people who are far poorer subsidising even the wealthy pensioners with welfare payments to enable them to enjoy long retirements with extra holidays when they are perfectly capable of supporting themselves without taxpayer funded welfare at a standard of living exceeding that which their children can achieve in full time work in the same occupations.

Facts matter.

What are you talking about? I can’t see where anybody has said anything about “violin lessons” or “subsidised four day weeks”?