Parents hoarding money

[Antisocialg1t]

Speaking to my Dad today and he boasted he saves £2,000 / month and has well in excess of £250,000 sitting in the bank. He was lamenting not having enough places to put his money without paying tax. He also stated that in retirement he's never had it so good compared to his working life.

I can't help but feel resentment. I think this stems from the almost daily grind of raising two children (15 and 13), always wanting the best for them, and sacrificing constantly. I'm hugely motivated by the fact I strongly believe that adult life is going to be harder for them than it was for me and hugely more difficult than it was for my parent's generation. I just can't reconcile feeling how I do about my children, and knowing that my dad thinks very differently about me and my family. It has brought to mind how little he's ever done for my children / his grandchildren, despite being retired for their entire lives. It's also brought into sharp focus how much of his time he's used to save and hoard money, rather than give more of himself.

But I feel huge guilt because this has come up because of a conversation about money.

Anyone else in a similar position?

Your attitude sums up what’s wrong with the country.

"Men behave as they are accustomed" - Sir Francis Bacon, "Essays".

My FIL is the same. £3k a month income and he sits in his living room in gloves and a coat because he’s too tight to put the heating on. Gives his grandkids £20 for Christmas. Not being ungrateful for that, it’s obviously better than nothing, but it’s so sad that he’s probably sitting on nearly a million pound and he’s blummin miserable! Refuses to spend anything other than essential bills. Madness and his grandkids have no memories of nice days out or experiences with him. He’ll end up giving it all away in care fees instead of enjoying it. Terribly sad and frustrating… but it’s his money so what do you do??

I hope this was directed at @ThisOldThang. I have rarely seen such vile comments here and that is saying something.

My dad actually did help out his grandchildren with key costs like uni living so on the whole I can’t fault him but he could be tiresome with his ‘look how much I am saving and I don’t know what to spend my savings on’ type comments. In the end, every time he started I’d suggest setting up a savings account for each of his grandchildren and paying into it regularly. If he carried on regardless I’d discuss how to go about setting them up, ask if he wanted help to do it, good providers of the service etc etc. He soon learned to drop it. Just irritating.

“He’ll end up giving it all away in care fees instead of enjoying it. ”
But surely that is THE single most sensible thing he could possibly do with HIS money, and no doubt it gives him peace of mind to know that he is providing for his care in the future. What could any reasonable person have against this approach????
Setting aside money to pay for childcare would I’m fairly sure, be seen by everyone as a very good idea so why do people on this thread have such a weird attitude to elderly care???

To be fair, I think that’s what the vast majority of parents, be they Gen X, Boomers or the Silent generation have always done. But as the state simultaneously takes more but provides less some of those relying on fixed incomes are, probably correctly, becoming more cautious. Stopping work does change a lot of people’s outlook on money. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone. There’s no ability to earn more. And yes, there are still people, like the OP, who have parents who are either cautious or selfish or just insecure, and that impacts their children. But I still think rather than dwell on what you can’t change looking forward and focusing on what you can change is a healthier outlook.

And, looking on the bright side, as people have fewer children then inheritances get split fewer ways than they did or will for boomers and my generation :)

Same

mygrandad ended up being in a care home for over 10 years and that was 15 years ago and his was only £4000 a month.

we had to sell everything he owned to pay for it but I’m so glad because we couldn’t of done it without that.

There is a lot of focus on the OP being after her dad’s cash. I think it’s more the gloating they have an issue with , and it’s hard to hear that when you yourself are struggling.

Well, all of these elderly people clearly want to pay away 40pc in IHT, which is a high level of generosity to the community of the UK.

You do realise that most people are wealthier when they retire, don't you? By then, they will probably have a lump sum from their pension and maybe a couple of inheritances along the way, coupled with no mortgage to pay.
Some on MN seem to forget their parents will most likely have gone through everything their children are going through now to get to where they are today. I have no idea when this expectation that young families should be as comfortable as pensioners came to be, but it's completely ridiculous.

It’s not uncommon, in fact I’d say his view is really quite common. I don’t have an amazing relationship with my parents, but least because they were stingey throughout my childhood. Seeing them now Beth comfortable when they could have indulged us more makes me annoyed. Everything I do is for my children.

Older people grew up in relative poverty or at least a much more challenging lifestyle. Some may have money now but there is always the fear they will lose the money.

Younger people have a much more relaxed attitude to money. Grew up with the view that if they make a financial mistake someone will bail them out and of course there is the welfare system to faal back on.

This is one of the things I find astounding
That a 30 year old doesn't realise a 65 year old will have had an extra 35 years of saving and working but they think they should be entitled to have the same .

I am approaching retirement. I have funded my my kids through Uni and I have also funded £50k each for deposits. I also fund some nights out and some other expenditure. They are now in their early 20s. Generally though, I think my kids need to stand on their own two feet. I have friends who are still funding dentist, phone and other bills for their kids in their 40s. In some cases these kids are in professional jobs. Roughly for retirement I should need £36k net a year to live comfortably. I also might need some care support, so logically the bulk of my finances will be retirement focused. I see an increasing trend for DCs to see the savings of their parents as theirs and their parents being blockers in getting access to it.

It’s great, isn’t it. Someone who is able to pay for their own care in old age.

Are you offering to look after him and not have the state pay for it, if he starts spending money on your children now?

It’s on amounts over £1 million per couple. And the dead person doesn’t pay it, their estate does.

Well, that's the idea isn't it. You wouldn't want to run out of money when you're 90 years old with with another 10 years left to live.

This website has a drawdown calculator which takes financial shocks such as the Wall Street Crash into account.

https://www.2020financial.co.uk/pension-drawdown-calculator

With a balanced portfolio, the safe amount to withdraw for a 40 year retirement is 2.3%.

If you took 4%, you'd have a 45% chance of running out of money.

Interestingly, if you put it all into shares in a perpetual trust that paid your descendents 1% a year, it could be £34 billion in 100 years time. I think I'd like to do that...

I forgot to attach the screenshots.

It's not your money, correct, but the state pension he gets IS your money, it comes out of your taxes.
Any reasonable government would have the balls to say "why should he continue to get a state pension from today's put upon taxpayers." but instead they buy his votes with generous universal pensioner benefits.
A barrister friend of mine earns seven figures and gloats about his free bus pass.

Well, I don't think he's planning for the future, unless he's going to spend loads before he dies, otherwise he's going to be giving it to the government in inheritance tax or whoever he leaves it to will have to pay it. My father was similar, I had to borrow money from him once to get Xmas presents and he wrote down how much he'd let me have and the dates and amounts as I re-paid it. I intended to re-pay it, it was only £300, I was a single parent, but to see it wrote down in a book, I never asked him for a penny after that. But, that's the way some parents are.

If there is no private money for a care home. Social work will fund. Unfortunately the care home system gives the same care to privately funded clients and people who have not saved for old age.
so is it worth saving or spending ?

Yes and no! Many of the best care homes now won't take any council funded residents at all and need to know you have enough funds to stay for a significant time ( which is literally hundreds of thousands)...If you have enough assets that you can pay privately for a bit but then you will need transition into council funded care then you usually need a home (usually less desirable) that accepts both forms of funding. So yes you may pay more whilst funding privately but this will ultimately enable you to stay there and not move somewhere else (possibly even worse) when council funding kicks in.

If he's earning 7 figures he must pay some lovely amount of tax. Of course it's satisfying for him to see himself getting something for it, even if it's just a bus pass.

And for circa 50 years, today’s pensioners paid for those before them.