Parents hoarding money

[Antisocialg1t]

Speaking to my Dad today and he boasted he saves £2,000 / month and has well in excess of £250,000 sitting in the bank. He was lamenting not having enough places to put his money without paying tax. He also stated that in retirement he's never had it so good compared to his working life.

I can't help but feel resentment. I think this stems from the almost daily grind of raising two children (15 and 13), always wanting the best for them, and sacrificing constantly. I'm hugely motivated by the fact I strongly believe that adult life is going to be harder for them than it was for me and hugely more difficult than it was for my parent's generation. I just can't reconcile feeling how I do about my children, and knowing that my dad thinks very differently about me and my family. It has brought to mind how little he's ever done for my children / his grandchildren, despite being retired for their entire lives. It's also brought into sharp focus how much of his time he's used to save and hoard money, rather than give more of himself.

But I feel huge guilt because this has come up because of a conversation about money.

Anyone else in a similar position?

Why is it a waste? Would you have been able to care for her in the same way?

I dont understand this thinking where spending money on care is seen as a waste amd that it should be given ro help kids and grandkids. By paying for care she isnt burdening you with all the stress that care can bring.

I don't want my children to have to care for me. I should be making sure I am planning my finances to cover care should I need it and moreso cos I want to get the best care I can.

You also dont know if your kids would care dor you, they could be living miles away, different country etc.

We are entitled the right to reply!!

What an absolutely appalling post.

@WhatFamily Sometimes the only thing that keeps us connected to family is blood. Again, I am sorry and I am sorry your children may end up on their own. I know these comments here must be grating, although I do think your circumstances are particularly unfortunate.

Your situation sound extreme and I feel for you. But much of the whinging up thread is expecting grandparents to spend their money on luxury and frankly frivolous items like music lessons and babysitting, rather than save it for their own care costs in the future.

Exactly. Most people don't go into care homes and if they do the average stay in a care home is less than 2 years.

Many people will have houses that will cover that cost.

They are FACTS and you are just blaming the people adversely impacted by these conditions. The 'evil boomers' are extremely fortunate. It's not because of skill, judgement or how hard they worked and young people now are significantly disadvantaged

The past is very important as previous Government policies have affected today’s woes.
Living where I do, I have never had an MP representing my political views.
Its really very simplistic to think that all older voters agreed with unhelpful Government policies.

And none of that is relevant to you because it's NOT YOUR FUCKING MONEY.

I made a comment about people cherry picking the good parts of the past and then making out like everything was so much better for them, and you've decided to twist that into something else and then get mad about it. Crack on, but Im not interested in playing the role you've cast me in.

They are fortunate IN SOME WAYS, as are your generation.

The past is pointless. I would put my energy into taking control of my situation and future.

I will have a good private pension, thank you.

But will also enjoy myself, now and early in retirement when travel is much easier, as insurance and car hire becomes an issue at 75+. And you never know what is around the corner for any of us. Several of my friends, family and neighbours have not made it to retirement age.

This is the dismissal of what younger people are telling you though, which is the problem.

You’re not listening to the economic facts set out clearly in earlier posts which mean that, even in situations not as “extreme” as mine/ my children’s, a large proportion of the older generation refuse to accept that if they were starting out today there is absolutely no way they’d achieve their level of wealth/ living standards by working how they did in the jobs they did.

Their children generally work much harder, for a lower standard of living, yet are often disparaged by their parents for “just not trying hard enough”. Their parents assert they “earned everything they have through hard work” when this is plainly not the case: there is absolutely no way in most cases that with the same occupations/ amount of work they’d have a hope of achieving anything like the lifestyle/ early retirements/ financial comfort that they now enjoy. And frankly, they should take some responsibility for the things they voted for and the society they have left for their descendants which will leave the vast majority of them with a lower standard of living.

In such circumstances, any kind, loving and decent people would acknowledge and recognise these indisputable economic facts be doing everything they could financially and practically to help their children and grandchildren as much as possible, unless their children happened to be outliers who have become more wealthy than they were at a similar age (and no I’m not talking about coffee shop trips or the fact that foreign travel has become cheaper, but the number of hours the parents have to work to have a hope of the same kind of career/ house/ pensions).

Yes, my particular case is extreme. But no, this doesn’t justify a similarly selfish attitude apparent in an unfortunately large proportion of the current generation of retirees who seem to have minimal concept of family.

And so that is what older people are doing if they have sufficient means. They are taking control of their lives to ensure their family don’t have to.

Indeed!

I didn't say anyone wasn't.

The things which enabled Boomers to accrue wealth are relevant to this conversation.

The things which weren't so good for Boomers, such as gender inequality, are not relevant to this conversation because they did not impact on their ability to become the richest generation in history.

We can have a separate thread about how we have a worrying trend of young women thinking they want to be "Trad Wives". It's very relevant to discuss how their mothers grew up and what it really looked like, in THAT conversation.

I’m sure you can understand that my concern and fear about my vulnerable children being orphaned while still minors - or having to go into care if I become too unwell to look after them because I’ve been continuing to try to work full time when this would not be necessary with some financial help from our family who could very easily afford to provide this - extends a little beyond “grating”.

Care home fees. That'll barely touch the sides.

No, just typical hyperbole from self-important people who have no concept of family.

It’s perfectly possible to behave like a compassionate and decent human being towards your family without pretending that any expectation that parents who can afford to do this actually do so, means that their children with they were dead.

Quite the opposite: the point is rather than they should do this during life, if they were decent people.

This mostly applies to the 'middle class'. But the middle can't see this - they just feel entitled for things to always go upwards.

It's doesn't apply to those benefiting from social mobility. From the black girl on the council estate that will become the first of the family to go to uni. She won't moan 'but my student loan repayment is so much more' or 'why am I not being gifted a deposit'. She'll move into a totally new world and unlike her parents she may actually begin to save for a deposit, which was totally out of reach for them. And I suspect she'd just get on with it, because for her it's a massive opportunity and improvement.

I'm sorry I didn't choose the appropriate word. You sound angry, rightfully so, but I won't be a target for that.

As a housewife 🤣

I think you probably underestimate how hard he had it as a child, or as a parent when you were young. This is why people stay in Travelodges and buy yellow sticker food - they had it rough for years, and money in the bank is an insurance against hard times again. It's easier to not spend then it is to earn.

I am (relatively) OK now as a pensioner but I remember telling a neighbour once that it was the 6th of the month and I only had £20 in the bank to last the rest of the month. Also going for days at a time on pasta and black pepper. Knowing if I borrowed, I wouldn't be able to pay it back. Credit cards maxed out. But life got easier when the DC got older and I could work more.

Now I put money away every month. I do help my DC financially ( invest for them, etc) but I don't want to just hand them cash - they are adults who have to take responsibility for their own lives and decisions. I remember feeling insulted when my mum brought food round! But I did eat at her place.

No. I stood on my own two feet from when I was a teenager. I lived alone from 16, actually in significant poverty.

I built everything for myself. I improved things year after year and was pleased with the standard of living I’d built with no help at all. I would have continued to do so, if the circumstances described had not closed off all possible avenues to improve things in any way.

However, when circumstances mean a child and grandchildren are in a very precarious situation and desperately in need of help and a parent has become very wealthy and is very easily able to help if they chose to with no impact on their own life or financial security at all then it is supremely selfish not to do so, and calling people who would expect that from family “entitled” is disgraceful.

There are many slightly less extreme but comparable circumstances set out by other posters on this thread. It is a fact that many current retirees are sitting on piles of gold like Smaug and watching their families suffer needlessly, and some even seeming to take pleasure in feeling superior for it.

Homes were exactly that in ‘the old days’
They were not purchased as an investment.
Many people lived in the same house all of their lives.
House prices escalated in the 80s, no one gained. If you sold your house at a profit the replacement was just as expensive.
The Mortgage rate was 16% at one stage.
It’s quite amusing the way some posters think older people were so wonderfully wealthy.
So in 2025, older people should, if possible work out how much they need for care. This includes Dentistry, Optometrist, Chiropody, all Medical matters. The NHS doesn’t work for everyone. My 72 year old family member is currently on a trolley in A/E & has been there for 48 hours. Private medicine is costly. £20,000 for a replacement hip operation to avoid being in agony for 1/2 years.
The OP DF may seem as if he has a lot of savings, but that money would disappear in a flash if his health deteriorated.
Hopefully OP doesn’t wish her DF to be in pain or die prematurely?!
If saving or hoarding cash for these eventualities is seen as bad then so be it.