Parents hoarding money

[Antisocialg1t]

Speaking to my Dad today and he boasted he saves £2,000 / month and has well in excess of £250,000 sitting in the bank. He was lamenting not having enough places to put his money without paying tax. He also stated that in retirement he's never had it so good compared to his working life.

I can't help but feel resentment. I think this stems from the almost daily grind of raising two children (15 and 13), always wanting the best for them, and sacrificing constantly. I'm hugely motivated by the fact I strongly believe that adult life is going to be harder for them than it was for me and hugely more difficult than it was for my parent's generation. I just can't reconcile feeling how I do about my children, and knowing that my dad thinks very differently about me and my family. It has brought to mind how little he's ever done for my children / his grandchildren, despite being retired for their entire lives. It's also brought into sharp focus how much of his time he's used to save and hoard money, rather than give more of himself.

But I feel huge guilt because this has come up because of a conversation about money.

Anyone else in a similar position?

Yes, this is absolutely the case. It’s a well-established economic fact and the Boomers who continue to deny it are deluding themselves.

Some student accommodation is barely habitable. Mould on the walls, freezing cold all year around, exposed wiring, holes in the plasterwork. Would you want to live there for 3 years? I do think that students should live on a budget, it makes them appreciate adult life and a job more, but it shouldn't be living in absolute poverty.

As for singing lessons, or dancing lessons, or whatever other interests they have, those things are now almost a pre-requisite for further education. It always has been for some areas- my brother needed to prove he had a hobby which used his fine motor skills before he could get a place for dentistry, Grade 8 violin sufficed.

So many routes are now highly competitive with multiple students with top grades fighting for each place. It's often the extra-curriculars which separates them out. That's assuming that they don't decide to make a career of it. Look at Taylor Swift- she would never have got where she is if her parents hadn't been committed to helping her succeed, whatever it took, throughout her childhood, and she's followed up on that by working incredibly hard.

Aside from the fact that having passions and interests makes a childhood more enjoyable, builds confidence, and creates social opportunities.

Mmm personally I think younger people have been given a hard deal generally compared to people who are now 55 years old onwardish. Uni fees housing shortage etc. It cant be blamed on boomers its just the way things are but intergenerational solidarity might help a little.

Well then it speaks volumes about you that you can't think anything other than 'awful'. I don't actually think those that don't help are trying to be mean. There is likely some other preoccupation going on.

Oh I see,so when we look a the bad things previous generations experienced, it doesn't count or matter, but when we look at the good parts they experienced, such as cheaper property, then it matters so much that they owe it to younger generations to sacrifice themselves now? Interesting.

Look, you can spend you life being angry and bitter than others got dealt a better hand than you did, or you can suck it up and focus on improving your own circumstances and understand that pensioners are fully entitled to save for their future just like you are.

Much better to learn a trade or do an apprenticecheap. These are options too. It's a financial decision, but people just feel entitled to do a uni degree. You often don't need one. If you are good you can work your way up. If you want to work in e profession, then uni is a financial decision.

Ok. 👌🏻

Yep. Much better to work hard and support yourself, and not expect handouts from parents, and in-laws, and count the days down until they die, so you can get an inheritance. 🙄

I know several people like this in real life too. Just waiting and waiting for the boomer parents to die so they can get their mitts on the money. I really hope these boomers live another 35 years!

I didn't say it didn't count. I said it didn't impact on their prosperity NOW, in 2025, which is what we're talking about.

If my friend has had her wallet stolen right before we go out for dinner, I am going to help her report it to the police and the bank, pay for her meal, make sure she has some cash to tide her over until she can get a new bank card and see her home safely.

I'm not going to say, "Well, my dog died in tragic circumstances 15 years ago, and that was a lot harder than losing a wallet, so I hardly see why I should help you out now!"

Because the two things are entirely unrelated and my dog dying has no impact on my circumstances today. Doesn't mean that my friend doesn't still express sympathy when my dog comes up in conversation.

But it has shaped them as people and their beliefs.

100% this. ^

No you can't. 😂

Yes, going into a trade is a great option, IF you have the ability. I would be a dreadful tradesperson, I can barely paint a wall well. I'm just not the practical sort. The idea that everyone can just become a tradesperson because it's well paid is so demeaning to tradespeople. I am sure my plasterer would agree when I say that he would not be much good at my job and I would be terrible at his, because we have abilities in completely different areas.

Suggesting that you can "work your way up" without a degree in more academic careers makes you sound out of touch. Even the most basic entry level jobs in those careers now require a degree.

I also think the 1960s up to the late 1980s were an unusual time in British history. Most ordinary people could relatively easily afford housing, and the welfare estate was probably at its height. It is no accident that because of the large amounts of money slushing around the swinging 1960s counterculture took off, and that’s one reason we have the “imbalance”. that we have now. My mother was beyond livid when she had to pay for her TV licence and stopped getting her heating allowance last year. She is very comfortably off, but in her mind pensioners are still little old ladies living in bare attics eating tinned sardines every day for sustenance - and so therefore deserve to be subsidised by young workers on minimum wage. It makes no sense … 🤷‍♀️

Their beliefs that they shouldn't help out their kids? Righto.

I'm a millennial and I remember saying around aged 17 to my best friend at school, wouldn't be brilliant if we could achieve a lifestyle like one our parents have. Both of our parents are very comfortable, middle class and living in the Home Counties, with assets, well paid careers etc. Very hard working and well deserved rewards of those labours, and I think they thoroughly deserve good lives and retirements.

My friend just chuckled at my sentiment, and wisely said we'd probably never be on a par with what their lives were. Her sage words were true.

Society here is very fluid. Children leave home set up lives far from their parents so truly struggle. Childcare benefit being missing to start with.

I compare this to friends in Italy who still have a village to raise their children in. Nonna being one generation with children and grandchildren all living in annexes to the original home. I've only seen this once where I live on a family farm.

But the OP didn't say she literally had no money and needed to feed her kids or something like that, most of the things mentioned on here are luxuries, like a fucking week off paid for by parents - something that they never will have had either. That's pure entitlement If we were talking about people living in poverty whilst their parents are millionaires, I'd agree, but we're not.

I do think some people find it incredulous to believe that a guy on a job that today would pay around £60k with a non working wife could afford in the early 70s a nice semi in Chiswick etc ( an old guy I know) with no inheritance or bonuses in the equation. No university costs and no contribution to final salary pension scheme , plus paid overtime with no expectations of maybe time off in lieu if you are lucky - we work for ourselves so it’s different but I can see from
my sons job ( hes27) - nice company and ok job but there’s no way he can afford to buy in London or suburbs, even on shared ownership the mortgage plus service charge, plus rent aspect would take well over half his wage on a 1 or 2 bed flat - if he moved out of London housing a bit cheaper but still not cheaper and then a fortune on commuting and so many paying their student loans too . It’s very hard for younger folk today unless they come from money, have inheritance or have the aptitude and connections to be a banker/lawyer etc - even as a medic they wouldn’t be that comfortably off - no wonder so many of them are demotivated and end up with unrealistic views that we can make everything ok simply by taxing the rich a lot more

I do think some people find it incredulous to believe that a guy on a job that today would pay around £60k with a non working wife could afford in the early 70s a nice semi in Chiswick etc ( an old guy I know) with no inheritance or bonuses in the equation. No university costs and no contribution to final salary pension scheme , plus paid overtime with no expectations of maybe time off in lieu if you are lucky - we work for ourselves so it’s different but I can see from
my sons job ( hes27) - nice company and ok job but there’s no way he can afford to buy in London or suburbs, even on shared ownership the mortgage plus service charge, plus rent aspect would take well over half his wage on a 1 or 2 bed flat - if he moved out of London housing a bit cheaper but still not cheaper and then a fortune on commuting and so many paying their student loans too . It’s very hard for younger folk today unless they come from money, have inheritance or have the aptitude and connections to be a banker/lawyer etc - even as a medic they wouldn’t be that comfortably off - no wonder so many of them are demotivated and end up with unrealistic views that we can make everything ok simply by taxing the rich

I do think some people find it incredulous to believe that a guy on a job that today would pay around £60k with a non working wife could afford in the early 70s a nice semi in Chiswick etc ( an old guy I know) with no inheritance or bonuses in the equation. No university costs and no contribution to final salary pension scheme , plus paid overtime with no expectations of maybe time off in lieu if you are lucky - we work for ourselves so it’s different but I can see from
my sons job ( hes27) - nice company and ok job but there’s no way he can afford to buy in London or suburbs, even on shared ownership the mortgage plus service charge, plus rent aspect would take well over half his wage on a 1 or 2 bed flat - if he moved out of London housing a bit cheaper but still not cheaper and then a fortune on commuting and so many paying their student loans too . It’s very hard for younger folk today unless they come from money, have inheritance or have the aptitude and connections to be a banker/lawyer etc - even as a medic they wouldn’t be that comfortably off - no wonder so many of them are demotivated and end up with unrealistic views that we can make everything ok simply by taxing the rich a lot more

I do think some people find it incredulous to believe that a guy on a job that today would pay around £60k with a non working wife could afford in the early 70s a nice semi in Chiswick etc ( an old guy I know) with no inheritance or bonuses in the equation. No university costs and no contribution to final salary pension scheme , plus paid overtime with no expectations of maybe time off in lieu if you are lucky - we work for ourselves so it’s different but I can see from
my sons job ( hes27) - nice company and ok job but there’s no way he can afford to buy in London or suburbs, even on shared ownership the mortgage plus service charge, plus rent aspect would take well over half his wage on a 1 or 2 bed flat - if he moved out of London housing a bit cheaper but still not cheaper and then a fortune on commuting and so many paying their student loans too . It’s very hard for younger folk today unless they come from money, have inheritance or have the aptitude and connections to be a banker/lawyer etc - even as a medic they wouldn’t be that comfortably off - no wonder so many of them are demotivated and end up with unrealistic views that we can make everything ok simply by taxing the rich

I do think some people find it incredulous to believe that a guy on a job that today would pay around £60k with a non working wife could afford in the early 70s a nice semi in Chiswick etc ( an old guy I know) with no inheritance or bonuses in the equation. No university costs and no contribution to final salary pension scheme , plus paid overtime with no expectations of maybe time off in lieu if you are lucky - we work for ourselves so it’s different but I can see from
my sons job ( hes27) - nice company and ok job but there’s no way he can afford to buy in London or suburbs, even on shared ownership the mortgage plus service charge, plus rent aspect would take well over half his wage on a 1 or 2 bed flat - if he moved out of London housing a bit cheaper but still not cheaper and then a fortune on commuting and so many paying their student loans too . It’s very hard for younger folk today unless they come from money, have inheritance or have the aptitude and connections to be a banker/lawyer etc - even as a medic they wouldn’t be that comfortably off - no wonder so many of them are demotivated and end up with unrealistic views that we can make everything ok simply by taxing the rich a lot more

Apologies for multiple posts - that’s what comes with a shit wifi connection where I am!!

They are options. You are, of course, free to completely dismiss them and refuse to make a financial decision. But don't be back moaning 'my kid has studied politics and can only get 30k entry salary and they have only given them a 2pc rise after one year', whilst the mechanic or social media influencer makes loads.

I would teach them to become financially savvy.

I suppose "welfare state at its height" depends on your perspective.

There wasn't much of an NHS in the 60s. Medical treatment has come on hugely and got vastly more expensive since the 60s. If you got any serious disease then you basically died. Nowadays there are lots of different treatments, but they are often costly.