Parents hoarding money

[Antisocialg1t]

Speaking to my Dad today and he boasted he saves £2,000 / month and has well in excess of £250,000 sitting in the bank. He was lamenting not having enough places to put his money without paying tax. He also stated that in retirement he's never had it so good compared to his working life.

I can't help but feel resentment. I think this stems from the almost daily grind of raising two children (15 and 13), always wanting the best for them, and sacrificing constantly. I'm hugely motivated by the fact I strongly believe that adult life is going to be harder for them than it was for me and hugely more difficult than it was for my parent's generation. I just can't reconcile feeling how I do about my children, and knowing that my dad thinks very differently about me and my family. It has brought to mind how little he's ever done for my children / his grandchildren, despite being retired for their entire lives. It's also brought into sharp focus how much of his time he's used to save and hoard money, rather than give more of himself.

But I feel huge guilt because this has come up because of a conversation about money.

Anyone else in a similar position?

This is it really. I understand not wanting to give an 18 year old £££ but it’s hard with young children now. I can’t imagine having loads of money saved and not giving bits away. It’s not an either or situation. Just gifting bits, paying for piano lessons, making life that little bit easier.

Every generation faces their own challenges a hardships, especially the women. Would you rather live in a time when you couldn't even get a mortgage because you're female? Or a life with no contraception and a husband who has the right to rape you? No one ever said life was easy, and there is always someone worse off than you, be grateful for what you have.

Double post

I think it's both. Otherwise they'd have sold up yonks ago and spent the money so they couldn't even accumulate anything. There are people that do that, in which case posters would be moaning that they threw money out the window and have not as much for old age.

I'm a good example. I am a millenial and have money because of the decisions I made, and then some luck. It has mostly meant living below my means for some years and have a strategy and understand financial markets. Bascially, I just started somewhere.

It is still possible to become well off, but unlike with boomers it wouldn't be via property for our and the younger generation.

Yeah, I was on that poster's side until she said she's counting down the days til her mother in law dies, so she can get her money!!

Um yes sadly I do know far more than I would have wished to.We help our adult children as much as we can now as my mum with her limited ressources always did when we were starting out . She was only in her late forties then anyway. She always said she’d rather have the pleasure of seeing us benefit when we needed it💕. We apply the same to our kids with great joy. Am not retired yet but carehomes can have our house and good pensions if needed , but hopefully not.

It was hard with young children in the 50s.

But feeling like you're entitled to a life style that SOME pensioners can afford, is ridiculous and it's pure jealous. Plenty of generations before had it worse and I'm sure plenty to come will too, but that doesn't mean you're owed anything or that they should give up their lifestyle so that you can have a better one.

Arguably you have a better lifestyle than most pensioners did when they were your age, you realise that, yes? Is that fair? No, but no-one ever said life was fair.

And some parents/ family will have helped out then too.

So what's different then? What is there to be resentful of?

@BoringBarbie
I'd say that their parents are teaching them how NOT to treat their own children.
Literally waiting for their relatives to die off is not a good example to give - could even be psychopathic.....

Money, which will otherwise be handed over to the taxman when you die, could fund for your grandchild's parent to take a day a week off work so that the weekend is free from chores
But, I and many others would never have expected our parents to do pay for us to do that - that is entitlement and CF on steroids....

There's also something to be said for knowing that when you do need care, your children have the time and resources to provide it for you and even if you do have the means to pay private, you won't be forced into a miserable care home with a rushed weekly visit. If they are working full time and ground down from years of making do and mending, they are hardly going to be ready to bring your shopping, prep a few meals for you, and clean the bathroom.

There are many complaints on this site about parents who don't 'future proof' their lives and expect their children to provide their care. Therefore, they cannot then be blamed for saving for their care homes.

@Antisocialg1t I don’t understand who you are expecting to find your parents later years? Are you planning to be the carer or do you think a care home is likely? Surely the money needs to be ring fenced till it is no longer needed?

Honestly what is wrong with not having singing lessons or having to live in the grottier student accommodation? It doesn't do them any favours. They aren't suffering and don't live in poverty. They learn they need to work for things. I dread to think of this generation entering the workforce and demanding a promotion for nothing.

Very interesting but in no way changes the fact that it's their money. Not their money in theory their money in fact.

could you clarify your question? I’m not resentful. I come from a family where working class generations from what I remember have helped younger family members not always financiallly as not always well off but certainly with anything they could and I am very greatful for that.

@vivainsomnia

I think it's a facetious chicken and egg situation: parents work hard prioritising saving in investment building a pot. Their children thinking they are stupid for not spending their money as they are themselves. Children resent parents, parents are well aware of resentment, envy and sense of entitlement, making them much less likely to share their wealth!

Yeah this. And I am sick to death of people blathering on about 'rich boomers' and 'entitled boomers' and 'selfish boomers' not sharing their MASSIVE WEALTH with the adult children. Because they are all sooooooooo wealthy ya know!

So much bitterness from some posters on here, who basically CBA to try and better their situation, but just cry and whine 'it's not FAIR' and spout vitriol and bile at the older generations. Many who worked for DECADES and deserve what they now have. Very few people had easy in any particular generation. Most people have had their struggles. And there is a certain type of younger Gen X, and Milennial who seem very entitled, and want shit handing to them. Even wishing for their parents or parents in law to DIE so they can get their money!!!

Whilst houses may have been easier/cheaper to buy way back then, the hourly wage was very low for some, (especially for women!) white goods were so expensive that many people couldn't afford to buy them, and had to rent them, (and also had to rent TVs and VCRs, as they cost a FORTUNE.) And most people never went abroad, and had to holiday in the UK in a caravan. Most people didn't have new cars. My dad always had a car that was 15-18 years old. Mum couldn't drive. They lived in a council house, Never owned. Never had wealth.

I bet all the people whinging about the 'boomers,' have an expensive mobile phone, every bit of tech they want - laptops, tablets, video game consoles, iphones, massive tellies, airfryers, tumble dryers, dishwashers, DVD and blu-ray player, etc, and a car less than 10 years old. But nooooooooooo, they are NEVER as well off as the 'boomers.' 🙄

Get a grip, and stop moaning, and blaming the generations before you for how 'hard up' you are, and do something to change your situation! Stop expecting handouts from parents. My 3 DC have never asked for anything, or resented the older generations. (Although DH and I would help them if they needed help of course.) Fortunately, they are not bitter and entitled like some.

nb, I am NOT a boomer, I was born late 1960s!!! So I have no skin in the game.

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Yes, there are people worse off than me, and when I come across someone or it is a friend or family member I do what I can to help.

I don't say, "Oh, well you know, 30 years ago something entirely unrelated and bad happened to me too so you should just suck it up."

Not being able to get a mortgage (which wasn't an issue if you were married anyway as 1 salary comfortably bought a house) 50 years ago makes absolutely zero difference to your ability to help your kids out now.

The tone of this thread is that of resentment towards well off pensioners (boomers) who apparently got lucky via property and should pass on their money to their adult children and grandchildren 'to help and change their lives'. It is said time and time again that this generation is the luckiest and 'how could they not give their children money to help'. As if it's something totally outrageous to do.

What I am saying that their childhoods were much less priviledged than that of their children and now grandchildren. They KNOW misery, and likely don't see today's standard of living as 'below par'. It is better than what they have known. Perhaps that is a blind spot.

Anyone in their 30s or 40s or even 50s today can still have a comfortable life as a pensioner. But it won't be via property. There are other ways to do it. People here need to look into their options. I'm guessing 99pc don't do that and just want to moan that their house will never appreciate 10x in value.

Great. If you’re loving parent and have the means then make it slightly easier for your DC. Unless you’re a mean tightwad.

Um, I definitely don't feel entitled to the lifestyle SOME pensioners can afford. Absolutely not. I hope I never would feel entitled to that sort of lifestyle. I just meant, in societal terms, children under 1 are the group most likely to experience poverty, and pensioners the group least likely to. And that's unjust, and it's a result of an unjust system, nothing to do with hard work.

No one ever said life was fair, but SOME people (including some pensioners, even very rich ones!) feel that it should, and could, be fairer.

As for giving up "their lifestyle", well, to the extent that it's subsidised by a state benefit, yeah. I would think these formerly hard working pensioners would be ashamed to be benefit scroungers. My lifestyle is fine, and I probably wouldn't be any wealthier as a result of changes like that, but the working families in poverty might be.

I do think that would be a fairer system, and the world not being fair isn't a "ah ha, gotcha, you little snowflake" matter of triumph for me, though it seems to be for you. Something tells me the unfairness tips in your favour...

It's unpleasant to hoard money while your kids and grandkids do without.

Some people do have a deep seated fear of being without cash though and come from poor backgrounds, so although it is unpleasant it may be to some degree understandable.

What's significantly more unpleasant is to throw it in peoples faces how much money you have while they are hard up.

At least if you want to hoard money then have the decency to shut up about it rather than throw it in the face of poor relatives.

Their DC already have it easier than them. The DC just can't see it. All they see is their own struggle and why does daddy not help me. Struggling is hugely subjective, you know. They probably don't think or know that you are. Or they literally don't know how to spend money. As someone who comes from nothing I know it is anxiety inducing. I still cannot spend without a wave of guilt following me around.

Have you spoken to your parent to ask why? What their motiviation is? I guess not. I don't think you are interested. You think it's mean and that is the only layer there is for you.

Doesn't ever make sense to me. The more money you have in old age, the more there is for the government to take from you. The government or the care that may be needed.

The wise ones are those who spend it on stuff they enjoy or start giving it away to their children!

There’s a Daily Mail journalist who wrote about his early cub days in Wales, when he first started working as a reporter on a local newspaper. He was in his early 20s I believe. I don’t think he went to university. And he just came from a normal Welsh family, no help or inheritance.

Anyway, as soon as he got his job, he bought a three bedroom house and a garden in a nice street for himself and his stay – at – home-wife and they began to have children. I imagine that this would’ve been in the 1970s. He was just incredulous that this would be a total impossibility today.

There definitely was poverty, especially in the 1950s and early 60s, especially in some cities. But there was a lot of relaxed living as well. Eg. nurseries were free for my mother as a single parent. My best friend at school in South London lived in a big three bedroom terrace house with a garden, 3 siblings, and their parents were on a very modest income (part-time nurse, and a shop worker).

I’m not talking about myself. My parents still work and aren’t wealthy. They help out with childcare, which is what they can do for us and it’s greatly appreciated.

Others are talking about parents with millions of pounds and COMPLAIN about how difficult this is to whilst their children struggle. I think that is awful and there is nothing I can think of that justifies that behaviour.