To not want to cook a full foreign Christmas spread for people I’ve only met once?

[KatieBenoiteee]

My partner is from another country. His only relative in this country is a cousin who lives with her partner and his brother. In the 3 years we’ve been together I only met her once as she always cancelled meet-ups last minute.

We did meet a few weeks ago, the partner and brother came with and we all went out. They were pleasant enough but spoke their own language a lot (which is understandable but at times I was excluded) and the cousin’s partner made a condescending comment about my job.

My partner has now invited them all to ours for Christmas dinner and I’m dreading it. We’re trying to save for a house and I had already declined to go to my family for Christmas to take away pressure of buying presents etc and I thought we’d have a cosy day. I’ve never cooked a Christmas dinner before so I was going to order some sort of M&S package which has all the necessary ingredients with trimmings etc and was going to bung that in the oven and maybe make a pudding. I had a nice image of us having a cosy day together and watching films etc.

Now he’s invited them he’s expecting me to put on a whole spread of their traditional Christmas dishes. I don’t have a bloody clue where to start and can’t find any English recipes. I’ll also have to make up sleeping areas for them etc etc. I’ve only got Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day off and it will be constant work. I’ve got visions of me slaving away in the kitchen whilst they are all eating (and probably criticising the inevitably crap food between themselves) and getting drunk. I will be completely lost cooking their food, it will be several different dishes he is expecting and I will be overwhelmed. Not to mention I’m 5 weeks pregnant so might be feeling tired etc by Christmas.

AIBU to tell them no and we either visit them or we have Christmas just us? He says I’m being miserable but he has absolutely no intention of helping with cooking as it hates it. In his country they are quite traditional and they will all show up to the house expecting me to have cooked and I’m feeling a lot of pressure. His argument is we’ve had a British Christmas every year at my parents which is fair enough and I’m completely supportive if he wants a Christmas eating his own culture etc, and I’d be delighted to join. But I can’t be expected to do the bloody cooking for it

Yes lovey, no problem but I've yet to hear persistent moaning and cataloguing by the ones cutting the lawn and doing the DIY. The adults see these tasks as things that need doing and get on with it, they don't waste time in SM complaining about how little time they have.

Maybe because they don't need doing two or three times a day?

She posted this four hours after I made my comment!

??

No she posted two days before your comment

posted 02/11/2025 23:24

Hi there Katie so glad you sorted things out with your DH sounds good to me.I think sometimes men are completely oblivious to practically everything and need some guidance.Anyway good luck to you both and your baby and I'm sure now you will have a lovely Xmas with the family.x

Sounds like a good solution- well done.

Of course why ever not! Op"s relatives will find fault with it. I know because a similar thing has happened to me. No matter how hard she will try it will never be the same as the food they remember from their childhood ect. I am saving her the trouble and she should stick to what she knows and is confident with. I am very happy to be saying this too!

But you’re not actually having to do the cooking OP.

Sure, he wants you to, but he can’t chain you to the stove. Tell him that it’s interesting he’s invited them for traditional Christmas dinner because there isn’t one that you are aware of. But if he’s wants to plan and cook one, you’re looking forward to enjoying it.

Seems pretty simple: tell him you also "hate" cooking when it's a large complex meal with lots of things you're not used to making, so if he wants to eat, he can do it.

And maybe think about whether you want to raise a child with this man. Leaving might be easier if you do it before your child gets used to having him around.

Not being unreasonable

But I'd be talking to a divorce lawyer ASAP because this tosser is living in the 18th century