Cost of living or prioritising the wrong things 🤔

[Sbrown32]

Firstly, this is not to offend anyone, I just find it a interesting debate that I recently came across and wanted to know others opinions on this.

Is it the cost of living or are we prioritising the wrong things?

When I came across this, the woman who was discussing this topic had some really good points (in my opinion), back in the day, we prioritised differently, we didn't have a takeaway each week (guilty of this myself tbh), food deliveries on our phone, we didn't grab a coffee on the way to work every morning, family trips out to the cinema or nights out used to be a treat not a given etc

I am pregnant with my first, and looking at ways we can cut down on spending whilst I am on MAT leave, when I really looked into my spending habits I have realised that I do a lot of these myself, I get a coffee each morning usually with a breakfast meal deal of some sort, we have a takeaway each week and we spend a lot on going out, date nights, cinema trips and going to nice places to eat etc.

I haven't decided myself if I fully agree with this or not yet so please be respectful.

I think there is more than one person type and situation

those who are financially very aware and competent and have absolutely nothing and are relying on food banks and family or end up in debts

those who are financially less competent and have so little they end up in huge debts trying to maintain a slightly better lifestyle

those who have enough to manage but want more or are very poor financial management skills and so end up in trouble

those how have enough to manage including enough financial acumen and so do just that

those who have a lot but want more, end up broke each month with no idea why

those who have a lot and save a fortune

we see all groups on here in various shapes and sizes / what you have, what financial skill you have , and what lifestyle you desire

at the moment people are all being pushed down the rankings with money getting less than it used to as wages lag the huge inflation of recent years - so people who has enough to get by with careless financial attitudes are now in the struggling heaps

Both are true. It's an apples and oranges comparison tbh, when I was growing up (I'm 44 now) there weren't coffee shops on every corner, a proliferation of takeaways etc etc. Nowadays there is, and society is used to that. So the majority of people on a full.time wage should be able to afford a coffee for example. All of those businesses employ people, who should be able to afford to live with the odd comfort.

On a similar note, my parents could afford a 5 bed detached with huge garden, by the sea, driveway, private school for 2 etc on one good professional salary. My mum was at home and able to shop, cook properly, facilitate our activities, we ran 2 cars etc etc. Nowadays she would probably be working full time to be able to afford even half of what we had, and as a family we would have much less time to shop and cook and keep organised... probably meaning more leaning on services, takeaways, convenience foods etc.

Lives are very different now. That's not to say that many people could not cut back somewhere, I'm sure many could. But these habits and changes don't happen in a vacuum. If I am working full time and running around collecting kids from a patchwork of wraparound childcare, and trying to keep on top of a busy house, stressed about money etc, I am more likely to lean on a takeaway on a Friday night even if it is counter-intuitive.

I still don’t do those things. But not doing them doesn’t allow my children to get on the housing ladder.
And it used to be you could have small treats but when you bought a house you would sacrifice to keep up with mortgage payments. You also have to remember that in my day a lot of people smoked costing a lot more than a coffee habit.

for a lot of people it is cost of living and not spending obscene amounts on expensive beauty treatments and coffee every day etc. The cost of housing, gas & electricity, food etc is so high. I don't think small treats every so often and a streaming service when you cant afford to go out is to much to want on a full time wage. The reality for some is they work to just survive, they will work until they are old and still have a shit quality of life in old age as well, I would imagine that's pretty depressing.

We live in a neighbourhood that was originally built in the 50s with most of the houses ex council houses (including ours) and very much noticeable that the older people in our community, who have been here a long time, are traditional working class.

Our NDN was an electrician until he took early retirement due to ill health. His wife was a part time cleaner and the primary carer. They have lived in their house for about 45 years, buying it when they had their first child. Its a semi detached bog standard house, but theirs is bigger as they did a significant extension about 30 years ago.

I can assure you that no electrician and part time cleaner could buy our house, never mind their house which is much more valuable now, immediately after getting married/at the point of having a first child today without notable help from somewhere. Their house is probably worth about £650-£700k. Ours about £550k. They paid £24k or something. We paid £265k 16 years ago and could only do that because I worked in the City and I had a deposit from some money I inherited.

THAT is a sign of how things have changed.

Oh yeah, frivolous me prioritising food and bills 😒 the only thing that isn't increasing is wages. Capitalist hellscape. It's supposed to get better for succeeding generations, not worse.

I’ve said this before and got shot down, but it’s true! We had opportunity for a really nice £15k holiday last year, and normally spend £5k on a holiday, but this was for 3 weeks. For 4 “adults” (big kids are expensive!).
the money needed to come from somewhere. It could have come from savings, but I didn’t want to wipe us out and don’t like using all savings for holidays incase we need it for other things.

we cut back on takeaways, school lunches, buying work lunches out, eating out unless it was with friends, we aren’t coffee drinkers, but significantly reduced lunches out and ice creams on a day out.
enormous inroads were made into the cost of our holiday by doing this and spending it into a savings account on every occasion we felt virtuous!!
so if I was sat eating a home made sandwich, a couple of digestive biscuits and a banana on a picnic on a day out I’d transfer £5-£10 a head into a savings account, where we could have either had a meal deal or a lunch in a cafe!
our bank current account didn’t really notice the difference …. But our savings account did!
we also managed to watch our weekly food shops and save around £200 is a month. Sometimes £150, sometimes £250. Again which I transferred to savings.

it’s the old saying, watch the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves!

we’ve had the odd takeaway since, and quite honestly all decided they’re pretty revolting !!
we keep fish and chips and pizza in the freezer for days when we really can’t be bothered and it’s generally quicker than getting a takeaway!

The answer is simple really. If you could afford to do these things before but can't now and your financial circumstances haven't changed, then the cost of living must have gone up.
That as well as the fact that the cost of living has actually gone up 😂.
If you've never been able to afford it then you just don't earn enough to cover these luxuries, BUT if 2 people in the household are both working good jobs, then they should be able to afford a coffee every morning, hardly much to ask for is it??

I’m so tired of this narrative that a bloody coffee or a takeaway are the reason so many of us are struggling. Everything is too expensive. Working people should be allowed to enjoy a little treat here and there without it leaving them destitute.

As a child, my mum worked part time and my dad worked full time. We had a small house in a crappy town but I went on every school trip I wanted to go on and got whatever I wanted every birthday and Christmas. We went on a family holiday every summer, too. Our fridge was always full of food and tasty snacks. My mum worked in a shop, my dad worked for a repair company.

Now, I have what is, on paper, a “good” job; a “career” job - as does my fiancé - and we’re both on more money than my parents were yet we’re worse off than they were. Wages haven’t risen in line with everything else. My food shop has gone up around £40 in the last few years, even when I just add all my saved items.

I feel like all I do is work but have very little spare money to get the things I want. I’m terrified to put the heating on. Honestly, I’m jealous of people in their 60s who are retired and free from the shackles of work. Life shouldn’t be this way.

Two people working full time shouldn’t be worrying about getting a coffee or going on a date night. It’s wrong that the rich have us thinking these are “luxuries” when really, life should be for living. Not working to survive. I’m so bored of being told we should prioritise when really, we should bloody revolt.

I have a coffee in a cafe once a week. I go on a weekly walking group run by a mental health charity. We walk to a cafe, have a chat and drink then walk back again.
It is more than a coffee for us. It is having a reason to get out the house, it is connecting with other people.
Most if us do not work and are on benefits. But making a coffee at home for us is not the same at all. It is not about the money.

That's because a TV has become incredibly cheap. As a percentage of income, what we spend on food has dropped significantly over the years (although that is offset by housing costs increasing)

In the Good Old Days, One Fourth of Income Went to Food – CEPR
https://cepr.net/publications/in-the-good-old-days-one-fourth-of-income-went-to-food/

It's one of the (many) things that you're not supposed to say these days though ... But surely a lot of us do think people prioritise stuff that's unnecessary. Trouble is, lots of folks think they're 'entitled' to have what they see others having, whether they can afford it or not.

For those saying they make their own coffee from sawdust…after they’ve sorted their savings…you absolutely do not understand the point here. The baseline has changed, and sometimes that £3 coffee that you can’t afford but you’ve found a couple of pound coins rolling around your ten year old handbag is just enough to make you feel like you’re not doing it all for nothing.

It's a fine line, I like to think we work to give ourselves these pleasures in life. Yes we need to work to live, but it's a bit depressing when it's simply to have a roof over our head and food on the table, especially when we have been used to be able to have the odd splurge. It was nice to reward myself at the end of today with my favourite Starbucks drink 😅 cost of living means we have had to generally cut back on these little luxuries, perhaps even switching from our preferred brands. It's not the end of the world but it sucks to feel that we're living this close to the breadline to have to do these things.

Anyone got a graph of increase in housing costs as a % of wages over last 30 years. I’m sure that’s the issue. I bought my first 1 bed flat in decent area when a Mortgage was 3x one (low at time) salary as normal.
Now 30 years on and our mortgage on a pretty bog standard semi would be 5x our joint salary. So 10x just one of our salaries.
Our semi has also well over doubled in price in less than 15 years. Probably 2.5x our joint salary.
So what’s left over for people is not much.
Right to buy reduced social housing massively.
As those have been sold on its at much higher prices or they are rented at higher rates.
Housing shortages fuel it

I'd say both. If we used to be able to afford these luxuries (or whatever luxury you enjoy) but now money is tight or we can't afford them then yes it's the cost of living. Wages haven't gone up to match inflation and a lot of people are used to living with their luxury's.
my mortgage has increased £80 despite the house having a better LTV ratio. My car finance was at the end, every other 'new' car was double the price I was paying, couldn't afford a cheap run around so I'm left paying £65 more to carry on with this car for another 3 years. Gas and electric going up, food tripling in price depending on the item. Husbands wage hasn't had an increase in the 3 years he had been at his job despite asking multiple times (luckily he's awaiting starting his new one which is better paid). I have fees associated with my job which are just increasing too.
im on my second lot of mat leave so I've learnt well how to budget (kinda). I buy almost everything clothing related on Vinted (il push to elsewhere but cheap if it's an occasion and I need to be able to send back quickly or buy multiple sizes etc). I'm not massive about a coffee out but I've recently gotten into the flavoured latte sachets from aldi so have one every morning. Try and take picnics where we can on family outings.
with kids a trip to soft play can easily cost £20 now as non let you even bring in drinks- so you have to pay, parking fees going up, costs of toys going up (bought an advent calendar for my eldest today and they're up 35p from last year for one of the cheapo Bluey ones)

Very very rarely buy myself any luxury tbf. All our costs are going into childcare/dog walks when I am back at work (we're both out the house long days), home maintenance and saving for a bigger home to accommodate our children. We'd love to have a holiday so much my daughter (4) constantly goes on about it, but we have other priorities right now

This is a great point!

The more essential, the more shockingly expensive. Heating, housing, food, dentistry, healthcare if not covered by NHS (as is increasingly common).

A £5 Starbucks is irrelevant if you chip a tooth and have to magic £2,000 up from somewhere.

the brand itself doesn't count. Example- when I was at school it was pen and paper, IT classes at computers. Now even some primary schools around me are requiring laptops for lessons to do work on. So that's extra money having to get one that works, definitely insurance coz well they're kids they're gonna get damaged. We live in a technology world and with that comes cost

I don’t get it, not only the buying your coffee daily, when it’s so simple to make at home!, and even then you have a machine to do it.
But, the latest I’ve seen is a coffee delivered to your door!. Like really?.
I think a huge problem stems from the fact that nobody knows how to cook, anymore.
Some cannot peel a potato, cook toast or even boil an egg, every meal is either from a carton or eaten out.
I’m 67, but my priorities were always a roof over my head, electric and gas, then food and the milkman, whatever was left then was spent on bus fares and running a car, luxury was having enough left at the end of the month for a trip out, to the Cinema or the beach.
Having a child changes your priorities, but you still have to deal with keeping yourself housed and able to eat.

I hate instant coffee. I like barista coffee from cafes. I can not recreate that at home without some machine which I can not afford.
I go to cafes for meeting friends and the whole experience.

No. It’s not easy to add things to maths lessons! Sometimes it’s tricky enough to get the whole curriculum taught in a year.

once upon a time before the 2014 curriculum came in then there was time to do cool with children but until you’ve tried trying to make a meal with 30 kids then it’s not just an add on. The school kitchens were taken away and made into overflow classrooms or nurture areas so now there is no space to bake/cook as the actual catering kitchen is now owned by the school dinner company rather than the school so you can’t use it.

plus you are assuming that staff know how to cook. Many are the same generation as you and also used to take ways and not learnt how to cook from scratch.

also you saying you are looking forward to getting back to cooking from scratch when on maternity then you don’t know what’s coming. After I had my baby, I realised just how much free time I had even though I thought I had zero time with working etc.
make the slow cooker your friend so you can eat from the pot.

Grew up very frugally tbh, mum making party dresses herself - interesting:) and certainly not spending on takeaways, coffees, teas. You ate at home! And there were no endless coffee shops.

So, now a coffee outside the home is a treat. We try to buy once. We repurpose everything we can, even old socks.

But we don't have extra money. We just have lower debt. The cost of living means we live on credit mostly. We can't afford to buy coffees at will, to buy takeaways. We don't like them anyway, it's not a treat for us.

When younger and no dc, cut back by knocking off drinking anything but tap water at home. Saved a lot and my skin was lovely:)

Growing up my parents couldn't afford weekly takeaways but really none of my friends parents had them either. There were no mobile phones, internet and my parents only got a home phone installed when my elder sister went to uni. Holidays were often just a few days trips on a coach or a trip on the train. We'd always take sandwiches and a flask of tea for adults and orange squash for children. If Mum got a ladder in her tights she'd sew it up. Nobody bought takeaway coffees. We'd have an ice cream at the beach and that was a huge treat. We always had enough food though, home cookedeals from scratch every day. We went to Brownies, gymnastics club and swimming club every week. No foreign holidays but about every third year a week in Cornwall or South Devon in a caravan. Small gift s for birthdays and Xmas with one main present and a stocking. I never felt deprived because I had the same more or less as my friends had. Certainly no meals out but an occasional cinema trip on a Saturday morning. No TV subscriptions just BBC 1 and 2, ITV then Channel 4 was added. Now so many things seem essential because everyone else has them. I look back fondly in childhood and we really did take pleasure in more simple things like Mum baking cakes or going to the park with Dad playing football.

I suppose it depends what you see as "essentials". I get my hair cut about twice a year, no other beauty treatments. To me that is more than enough? We have a takeaway once a month at the very most and do one cheapish date night a month (something like the cinema). Eat out very, very rarely. No subscriptions at all.
But I don't see this as living frugally at all? I don't feel we're missing out on anything.

I never felt deprived because I had the same more or less as my friends had.

I think that’s the real key here. Now people can see what everyone else has - or claims to have - on social media and there is far more visible inequality.