To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

Many biologists would disagree

It clearly is factual. Males cannot be females. Transwomen are male and always will be, there is nothing that can make them female. Likewise Transmen are female.

It's difficult territory because no one actually believes that sex isn"t real, but for many people (especially among the young) it feels essential that they do so.

They're not upset over the differing views, they're upset because the discussion will reveal that they themselves don't believe what they're saying. And that they must therefore be "bigoted" too.

My DD thinks it's nice to pretend and "be kind" but doesn't seem bothered about forcing herself to believe. Hence anything I say triggers an eye roll rather than upset.

No. No they wouldn’t.

She's dead. I am old, and couldn't give a shit about your trendy rules policing my language.

I don't blame you.
I have an acquaintance who runs her own business. Cancelled for saying she doesn't believe in ' pregnant people' after nearly dying in childbirth. Vilified online..Lost a ton of business for saying something that a majority likely believe.

Do you have a source for this?

Females who say they are male are delusional too. No one really talks about transmen though as everyone knows they are female and don’t pose as much of a risk to men and women as men do, and as such are usually at the bottom of the importance pile like the rest of us.

You can believe what you like.
I believe that trans women are men. I have zero issue with them choosing to dress as a women and to use a female name but the biological reality is that they are men.
Yes, they deserve safe spaces but so do women. If you don’t understand why it’s important for women to have access to single sex spaces then consider yourself very privileged.

I’d bet my last mars bar they wouldn’t.

See I would say they were, but we're all different. Its trying to exclude a minority in both instances, imo.

Why do you feel entitled to Orwellian level of control over other peoples language?

Do people who knew that individual not have the right to use their own preferred descriptors?
And whatever you think about misgendering, you’ll have to accept that people politely disagree with you.

Not really. It means a radical feminism - one who believes in abolishing patriarchal systems from the root and who doesn't include trans women in their vision of a matriarchal future.

I think the radical feminist element has been utterly co-opted by those who disapprove of transgender people, particularly male to female people (for want of a better term) and who definitely don't walk the walk when it comes to making the kind of life choices and changes that radical feminism entails.

I would read to much into it. There's likely an element of chinese whispers / lost in translation and, as always, context is everything. What was the covering the lead up to this? Was your DD asking for help or just dropping it into conversation?

Your other DD is a shit stirrer and causing a problem that doesnt need to be there.

Science based beliefs actually, and the fact that trans people have always existed through history. I hate the way such a small group have been vilified and tarred with somehow being sexual predators, when they just want to go about their day in the way their brain and body is telling them to live, not to destroy their mental health hiding who they are so strangers like you can feel comfortable by erasing them and pretending they don’t exist.

Of course you can be upset, but in the end her perspective of you and whatever she shares about you and your relationship is none of your business.

he responded in very neutral way I think.
im not sure why you are hurt, given you say yourself you are a TERF.

Yeah this is what I think. The prof could have been a TERF and made the same comment

I sympathise.

My SGD attended a Russell Group uni. Her best friend was a trans identified woman who had an elective double mastectomy at the age of 20.

When her mother expressed her concern (to the SGD) about such a drastic step, the reply was "Oh MUM! You're sooooooo transphobic!" (The SGD had taken an elective in Gender Studies in first year.)

She's now a graduate living with her mum and - so far as I'm aware - there's no animosity.

I don’t want to pretend they don’t exist nor do I think they are sexual predators. But they still aren’t the sex they wish they were which is tough shit on them but doesn’t give them the right to use opposite sex spaces.

Hold up Caplin, where do I say any of that?

In 1890, the X and Y chromosomes were discovered. It was found that the men who were tested had 46 chromosomes, including an X and a Y, while women who were tested also had 46 chromosomes, including 2 X chromosomes.
So obviously the conclusion was that the Y chromosome defined masculinity. A reasonable conclusion.
Fast forward 50 years... and it was found that some men had 47 chromosomes, including 2 X's and a Y, while some women had 45, including only one X. Still no problem with the "Y chromosome defines masculinity" idea.
Then... it was found that fully 1 in 300 men weren't 46,XY. Some women were.
Oops.
After DNA was discovered in the 50s, it was found that the SrY gene, usually found on the Y chromosome, sometimes was missing. And sometimes had been translocated to another chromosome, hence 46,XX men and 46,XY women. So SrY defined masculinity.
Then.. it was found out that some men didn’t have an SrY chromosome, not anywhere. Some women did. Other genes were involved. Worse, other factors, such as Androgen Insensitivity made 46,XY people female, and Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia masculinized 46,XX people.
Then in the 70s, other syndromes, such as 5alpha-reductase-2 deficiency were identified, which caused babies to look like one sex at birth, then the other at puberty. Worse, in some places 1 in 50 infants had this natural sex change, it was not rare there.
Science 1974 Dec 27; 186 (4170): 1213-5
In an isolated village of the southwestern Dominican Republic, 2% of the live births were in the 1970's, guevedoces....These children appeared to be girls at birth, but at puberty these 'girls' sprout muscles, testes, and a penis. For the rest of their lives they are men in nearly all respects.
In the 90s, it was found that hormonal hiccups in the womb caused some parts of the body to develop as one sex, othersbas the other, regardless of genetics.
Male–to–female transsexuals have female neuron numbers in a limbic nucleus. Kruiver et al J Clin Endocrinol Metab (2000) 85:2034–2041
The present findings of somatostatin neuronal sex differences in the BSTc and its sex reversal in the transsexual brain clearly support the paradigm that in transsexuals sexual differentiation of the brain and genitals may go into opposite directions
It's a matter of timing during foetal development. Sometimes a boy is born looking like a girl, sometimes a girl is born looking like a boy, regardless of chromosomes.
This is complex stuff. We don't teach the Theory of General Relativity in grade school, Newtonian physics or at most Special Relativity (far simpler) is enough. Similarly, "XX is female, XY is male" is good enough unless you do medicine or biology in college.
It's only really relevant when talking about Trans or Intersex people, just as Relativistic effects only become relevant in the domain of the very big, very small, or very very fast, close to 186,000 miles a second.
People do not need psychiatric help when they think that things get heavier, more massive, as they go faster... while lengths contract. People do not need help when they think their sex is something different from their genetics.
Intersex people exist. Trans people exist. They are unusual, so trying to apply the usual approximations is as silly as trying to apply Newtonian physics to things moving close to or at light speed. Legislating such things is as insane as legally ruling that Pi=3... as has been done in the past.

It's a shame you don’t feel that way about biological women. The group of people who have actually been marginalised and treated appallingly throughout history.

Who cares what your DAUGHTERS think? Are you identifying as a "feminist"? Jesus. 😬

Hysterical reaction to a modest comment of support. No wonder she has issues with you