To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

Except — the explanations are all about why radical feminism is actually a left-wing form of thought, and explain why women are interested in it — about which, you claim to want to know?

Right. “I want to know why women are interested in radical feminism, but I’m not here for the explanations”.

YABU, even if I think the professor is wrong in his views.

Your daughter is an adult and should be treated as a whole person in her own right, the professor doesn't need to consider your, your views or your feelings frankly.

She is at Uni now and will meet people with views that agree with hers, agree with yours and disagree with both of you. That is a normal and healthy part of adulthood.

Re-reading your OP, especially the part where you talk about her struggling in freshers week and only coping with your support, I wonder if this is actually the completely normal feelings mothers (and fathers) get as their children grow up and come to rely on themselves and other people as much as, or more, than they rely on their parents?

Of course, by wrapping that issue up with the Trans issue you're guaranteed to get a wall of support on MN.

I personally feel that 'radical' feminism was a term coined by misogynists or women that were handmaiden-like. I go by MERF (Male exclusionary) but I'm not comfortable really with that. Because it suggests that there is something 'radical' about female rights and female only spaces.

I come of age in the late 90s/early 00s. Back then, there was no suggestion that males, even transvestites, should be in female spaces. It simply was not a thing. And if a crossdresser/transvestite/transgenderwoman was found in the ladies? We had the power back then to call the police. The offender would be carted off and charged with either voyeurism or indecent exposure. And the men in the neighbourhood would beat 7 shades of shit out of him and he'd never dare enter there again.

Now, if a male entered and we called the cops we women would be charged. It's strange that 'trans' exclusionary 'radical' feminism was created by those that previously would never have dared on threat of charges or a thrashing to enter female only spaces. I believe that 'radical' feminism was created to make females feel guilty about our boundaries. Back when I grew up it was not 'radical' to have women only spaces. Everyone respected that. Now, defending those spaces is considered 'radical'. The patriarchy has effectively disabled womens only defence. By claiming female only spaces and their defence of to be 'radical'. It's the patriarchy writ large. And far too many well-meaning women and girls have been socialised to put male feelings first and feel guilty about their instincts and the rights that women who went before them fought for.

@ThatBlackCat You are completely misunderstanding both the origin and meaning of “radical” feminism — and there are even posts just above explaining it which you could have taken the time to read.

I think the thing is that a lot of women have been drawn to "gender critical" thinking without having been deliberate or active feminists beforehand, and so there's quite a lack or depth of knowledge about feminist history, past activism, and theory.

I blame the "girl power" liberal/choice feminism of the 90s ... We took our collective eye off the ball.

I don't think it's accurate to say people have been 'drawn to' anything.

Gender critical thinking was absolutely the norm across the board until about 6/7 years ago.

Then they tried to persuade us that 'transwomen are women' and people can be 'born in the wrong body' 🙄

But you are a TERF...?

And it must be difficult for your dd to hear you talk in such opposing terms to an issue she deals with every day.

What do you think is so 'difficul and 'opposing' about DD hearing that humans can't change sex?

It’s radical feminism because radical feminism is the belief that biological sex is the root of female oppression. It’s pretty obvious why really.

Liberal feminism is closer to men’s rights activism as men benefit more from the “sex work is work”, “porn is empowering”, “transwomen are women” bullshit that is not feminism at all in my opinion.

damn you need to climb down off that high horse! Can you not see that the vast majority of trans women are bravely dealing with challenges (such as your attitudes) that make their lives so much harder than the non-trans population. Sure, there may be the odd one to two guys who pop on a skirt to invade the sacred lady zones, but most are sacrificing a life of not dealing with judgy self righteousness. I really doubt that they are making that sacrifice in order to get a glimpse of us getting changed into our swimmers..

"Difficul"?

If you're coming to come on the attack, at least spell correctly. 😂

Agreed. The term TERF was spat at women who just haven’t fallen for the TWAW nonsense, rather then them identifying as radical feminists. Which is why gender critical is preferred.

Do you…do you know what a typo is?🙈

Getting people on typos is just the best isn't it? Means you win everything. 🫠

Care to answer the question?

You’re confusing two separate groups here who are coming at the trans argument from different viewpoints.

There’s left wing gender critical views which is mostly women wanting our rights back from the men that are colonising them and then there’s also what I’ve heard termed gender conservatives which are a completely separate group.

You mean you can’t.

Well there's a surprise 🫠

Well if you like. I just thought it was more interesting than 1000 posts saying "you're right" or "the professor was right". Not to worry!

Okay, olive branch extended, genuine question.

Could someone please, please explain to me what they think is so objectionable about a woman saying, humans can't change sex, therefore men shouldn't have access to women's single sex spaces, sports and services?

In the USA
the left / progressive view is that men can be women and denying that is bigotry
the right / conservative view is that women should be at home having babies and cooking for their husbands

In the UK
many left wing women have been left utterly homeless by the TWAW
attitudes of the SNP, the Green Party and the Lib Dems
right wing women had a glimmer of hope with Badenoch
but not with Reform (Farage talking to Michal Husain)
Labour hung Rosie Duffield out to dry and have packed the Women and Equalities committee with TWAW types
luckily we have West Streeting in the middle
now just to get the EHRC guidance over the line
and sanity will be in sight

Sure, you can totes answer, like all the many other posters who share their pearls of “wisdom” then “can’t be bothered”.

Also, the win of not being gullible and not fawning over misogynistic men while utterly beclowning myself to the world by pretending to think they are women is enough for me. Every single time.

I don't think it matters whether men want to go into womens spaces specifically to perv or for any other reason (but for many it clearly is sexually motivated) . It's an unreasonable request. And when women have objected, politely or impolitey, they have been attacked, discriminated against, fired, and demonised. That's a feature of trans activism, the demands seem very polite - until someone says no.

This is extremely naive, and polls show most women don’t actually want to share female spaces with these men, thanks.