To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

You are mixing up different things here. People can be supportive of transpeople without believing that they have changed sex or should have access to opposite sex spaces.

I object to being called a TERF though many would call me that. I loathe the way that it is being used as a slur and a stick to beat women with.
Biological reality is that you cannot change sex - Fact. Don’t like it rough! There’s lots of things in life that we don’t like but that I am afraid is life. I don’t think we should be allowing this nonsense to go unchecked. It’s dangerous.
I am a woman who was given a ton of hormones throughout my life - not because I thought I was a man but due to gynaecological issues. Those hormones ultimately gave me cancer and could well have killed me. Those same drugs are being given to children. In a decade or two we likely will see a big increase in people who have been given these hormones at a young age developing cancer. And some may well loose their lives as a result.

Much more likely that she’ll go “Mum I am so sorry for being an obnoxious sod, of course you were right all along.”

Just a mum who couldn't give a flying one about what her daughter thinks. Got it. Poor girl.

I never gave any detail on their views. For what it's worth, a number of the people in their 50s and 60s I'm referring to actively campaign for trans rights.

Depends what you define as ‘anti-trans’. Not believing you can change sex is anti-trans to some. I also support trans people (I’m in my 40’s) in their right not to be discriminated against (they have the same rights as I do). I don’t support males in women’s sports and spaces. Nice men, bad men, the ones who think they are women men. The trans activists mostly appear to be angry masked men and younger women.

Not understanding why women need and deserve sex based spaces does come from a place of privilege, and in my opinion, that includes those in captured unis who haven’t been out into the ‘real world’ outside of this. Nothing to do with trying to feel superior.

What rights don’t they have?

OK. Personally I find the kind of parenting where mums are terrified of their daughters pathetic, but you do you and I will do me.

Good grief, controlling much? Why do people think they have to convert their parents?

I had vastly different politics and beliefs to many of the older people in my family when I was a student. I thought they were outdated and occasionally argued with them, but I didn’t think I had to covert them to my view or I would somehow crumble to bits, or that they MUST agree with me.

What rights don't trans people have?

Sure you are. You know that biological sex exists, you know you cannot change sex, you know that there are times when sex matters. That’s TERFhood.

And if you aren’t a TERF, then which of those three statements do you reject. Are you saying that biological sex doesn’t exist; or that it is possible to change sex; or that there are no occasions where it matters? And are you prepared to discuss people that might want to discuss you reply in more detail.

Wow an angry TERF. Shocking

Rest assured I reserve that tone for trolls. I would never belittle my daughter’s sincerely held views.

Why are you asking me? I'm not campaigning with them; I'm just correcting the implication that the only people who are trans rights activists are uni students who haven't "outgrown" it yet.

People of all different ages have different opinions. Shocker.

Yes, but if you take away the ones like Helen Webberly who have been making themselves very wealthy on the backs of Trans identified people, then it’s a much sparser group, isn’t it.

You're "sure" that you know what this person you've never met really thinks are you? Based on an extremely vague comment you heard second hand?
Are you actually "sure" you can hear a third hand conversation between your gay daughter and her gay professor and know better than both of them what they really think?
I think you're delighted to have something to be offended about because actually your daughter (and you tbf) seem to have tried really hard not to let this get between you. But your other daughter stirred the pot and now you're "triggered" and loving it. 🙄

What makes you think she's a trans exclusionary radical feminist just because she doesn't believe humans can change sex? Nothing in her post says she excludes trans men (born female ) from feminism nor that she is a radical feminist.

Where did I say I was a TRA?

What do you think the people you referenced activism is based on then?

Not in my experience, but whatever helps you sleep better at night.

@Dahliadaily comment at 12:23

"For the record, I’m proud of my views and don’t object to being called a TERF"

What does the exclusionary part of TERF mean? I do agree with what you’ve said about sex above, but I wouldn’t consider myself a TERF because of the E and I’m not out to exclude trans women.

Why does it matter? I was correcting an assertion about their ages; that doesn't make me their spokesperson.

How about you just answer the question instead of making passive aggressive remarks? It’s a valid question.

You stated you knew people in their 50’s and 60’s who campaign for trans rights. Merely asking you what are these rights that they’re apparently campaigning for?

That also wasn’t the implication. Like I said, plenty of older angry men (and women) who don’t want women to have their own spaces too.