Fear of safety for my mixed race family

[Kayakinggg]

I feel a lot of worry about the safety of the country for mixed race people. They are the most precious people in my life. They are my family. My son, my daughter and my husband are all mixed race. I don’t have a close relationship with any other family members and I have a few other friends but they are white so don’t really
Get it.

I know I am not overreacting as racism is clearly on the rise and rampant and the politicians are deeply corrupt in their tactics to turn us all against each other.

I feel guilty to be the only white one in the family. I feel so angry that when I choose to have children, race was not an issue in the UK 🇬🇧 I hate to see it but I feel like I’ve failed them to raise them here even though I didn’t know what the future held. I have this desire to make a plan to move abroad but logistically and financially o don’t think that will be possible.

I feel like everyone else (that I know) is safe and protected but my little precious family is at threat. I can’t even speak to my own parents about it as they don’t believe reform are racist.

I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare and it’s only going to get worse.

In my deepest darkest moments I fear my family being taken from me as there is a hate group towards mixed race people that is only growing. I’m scared of history repeating itself.

My feelings are worry, fear, anger, loneliness.

AIBU?!

The flag flying is not all about you.🙄

Op it is not for me to tell you not to feel afraid. If you are worried, you are worried. You know your life and area better than we do. Have you considered counselling? Can you move to a more welcoming and safe area? I don’t recognise your description where I live for example.

I also think it’s important to separate the issues, wanting some kind of control over immigration is not the same as being racist. We need to really understand the differences..

What are the racism stats where you live?

We have seen a 9% decrease in hate crimes in the last year. So in our area things have actually improved. People feel very safe here generally. If I were op I would look to move, but I suspect her problems may be anxiety rather than her family actually being targeted in any way.

Do you have a link?

This is brilliant!

But a) my reports have been dismissed as they are no longer classed as racism (when they were previously, it's now antisocial behaviour)
b) short skirt theory. If you're brown in a racist area you're asking for it. Just leave or don't look brown.

People who minimise racism and antisemitism etc are often racist and antisemitic. These sorts are increasing in number and probably affect the poll results.

Agree with PP re the fear and the reality. Fear shouldn’t be minimised as it affects people’s mental health very badly. But if we’re talking about attacks by the white majority/flag wavers in the UK on non white people the danger is extremely small.
White people have fears too. Again, not justified by statistics but now playing out across the media.
I do think white people sometimes don't understand the extra stresses felt by other people who feel they are judged by just existing. I have many family members and friends of varying ethnicities who talk about this. For feeling unwelcome black people seem to get it worst. For feeling physically scared in the UK my Jewish friend appears to have the most well founded fears.

Where do you live op?

Some people seem to think that physical violence is the only manifestation of racism we need to consider. Of course most people are unlikely to experience that. But the growing feeling of a “hostile environment” is making black and brown people feel insecure and unsettled, if not actually afraid. Not helped by the wide eyed faux naivety of the Flag Lovers. Surely that’s not we want our country to be like?

To be honest, you sound like you have white saviour syndrome, typical of the people who have shouts racist at everyone who is not for open borders.

Most people are not racist and those not wanting uncontrolled immigration are not racist. Your post is laden with the typical far left soundbites around politicians turning us against each other and all that performance rhetoric.

No one is turning anyone against anyone. It is perfectly reasonable to not want uncontrolled immigration. And that’s not racist.

I think it’s startling how often people who never gave to worry about something feel they know all about it. Until you walk in the world every single day with this extra layer of worry you have no idea what that’s like.

If I speak to people who are black or brown or have an accent and they tell me there’s a problem my only job is to listen and be supportive and examine my own behaviour to make sure I’m not making it worse. And if you speak to me and find out that I am terrified of strangers finding out I’m Jewish you should believe me too.

Yes I suspect you are a bad person if you’ve recently started flying a flag. I suspect you are racist at worst. At best you are alienating part of your community and giving racists confidence to be openly racist. And you know that. That’s what flying a flag at the moment tells people.

it’s not part of the British culture to fly flags apart from at national events for celebration. How can you not know that if you are British?

I fail to see how counselling could help OP avoid prejudice and aggression being directed at her husband and children due to their appearance.

I read this comment a few times but only came up with unfortunate responses so thank you for finding a better way.

I can’t actually work out what the goal of counselling would even be in this scenario. My daughter is starting self defence classes soon - is a good thing anyway for sure, but it’s infuriating that the trigger was being attacked for being Jewish. Why should she have to learn to be stronger so other people can be terrible?

@AblushingcrowI take it your flag has been out for years, and not just recently.

I’m with you OP. Firstly I’m black, DH is white and we have mixed race children. I was born here and the racism being emboldened by Reform and their ilk, worries me. I especially fear for my DC. When I’m out and about I have noticed the nasty looks and coldness has increased from white people. I’m quite a confident person but it does wear you down, having to steel yourself every time you go out. As a PP said, “Racism never went away. The uniform changed, they got rid of the skinheads, Dr martens and bomber jackets. Now it could be anyone. Which is why it's so unsettling.”

I am seeing a thread like this often on MN, and I “hide” it on the MN app. I don’t like it and I don’t engage in it. This time though, I will! What is the OPs point? My DGS is mixed race and he is a happy and safe little boy. We have NO fears for him whatsoever. I am black by the way and we live in Kent, Reform council and I promise you there aren’t marauding bands of racists lynching mixed race people!

I feel so angry that when I choose to have children, race was not an issue in the UK

When was this, exactly? This magical time when race wasn’t an issue?

I’m Black, and I think this post is massively overblown. I’m also noticing lots of posts like it where an OP lobs a hand wringing race grenade and then flees, never to return.

Yes, racism exists in this country. It always has. However, outside of a very few specific areas, life is still very much business as usual for minorities. We are living our lives. We are not skulking about terrified of being attacked and planning how to leave the country (and go where, exactly?). Some of these comments are insane.

Genuinely, this is not true. It has been on the increase since Brexit and a very close friend of mine was bitten in a pub in a racist incident a couple of years ago. This same friend has encountered several incidents this year since the rise of the flags and before.

Both you and @Katypp could do with listening to what is actually happening to people not just write it off as people being overly dramatic.

I agree with the idea that it’s overblown but I do think non white people are feeling vulnerable now and I experienced it a few weeks ago. I was in a shop and the server spoke to his colleague in a language I didn’t recognise and I asked him what language he was speaking and he really started to panic and was apologising and saying he was so sorry but he was explaining something complex as the staff member was new. I reassured him that I was just nosy and loved languages and wondering what it was and we had a lovey chat about all the different languages in our area but it really made me think.
similarly I am quite pro flag and was chatting to some mixed race students I work with and they were saying the issue is that when they see the flag they don’t know if it’s someone like me who is ‘this is our flag, it’s for everyone regardless of race who supports British values etc’ or this is our flag and it’s for white people.

I will wait in line for my racist incident! I am UK born. Originally from SE London. Near to Bermondsey, NF and BNP heart-lands. I have a big, mixed and messy family. My DH is white and we have black, white, mixed in our family! All but me still live in SE London. We are not,
never have and never will cower(ing) to racists.
Racism exists, get over it! What are your prejudices, OP?

There are European countries that I would find more problematic to live in than the UK, but each to there own. I know that there are non white people living in these European countries that have safe and free lives.

I am 58 years old and have never experienced abject racism that has made me fearful,
lonely or scared. And neither have my family members or any black people I know. I am not in denial and I have sympathy for those that have.

You need to get back on MN and engage in this conversation, what is your motive?

I feel sorry for you! Make sure you lock the door and batten down the hatches!

Most of the flags near me look a complete mess - a lot of the time they've got themselves wrapped around the lamposts and are generally shabby and dirty.

Anyone who thinks this is about pride in your country is having a laugh- you don't spoil your environment like this if you have any genuine loyalty to your country.

Any pretence that Reform had to not being racist died when they announced their policy of deporting people legally entitled to be here.

I think your post is offensive.
Who do you think will harm your family?

Statistically black people are most at risk from other black people.