Fear of safety for my mixed race family

[Kayakinggg]

I feel a lot of worry about the safety of the country for mixed race people. They are the most precious people in my life. They are my family. My son, my daughter and my husband are all mixed race. I don’t have a close relationship with any other family members and I have a few other friends but they are white so don’t really
Get it.

I know I am not overreacting as racism is clearly on the rise and rampant and the politicians are deeply corrupt in their tactics to turn us all against each other.

I feel guilty to be the only white one in the family. I feel so angry that when I choose to have children, race was not an issue in the UK 🇬🇧 I hate to see it but I feel like I’ve failed them to raise them here even though I didn’t know what the future held. I have this desire to make a plan to move abroad but logistically and financially o don’t think that will be possible.

I feel like everyone else (that I know) is safe and protected but my little precious family is at threat. I can’t even speak to my own parents about it as they don’t believe reform are racist.

I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare and it’s only going to get worse.

In my deepest darkest moments I fear my family being taken from me as there is a hate group towards mixed race people that is only growing. I’m scared of history repeating itself.

My feelings are worry, fear, anger, loneliness.

AIBU?!

No you are not BU to worry. But I really hope that this is not the country we live in.
May I ask your vague geographical region?
I live in London and in an area with a very high proportion of other nationalities, so I really hope it feels safer for us all to co-exist. My borough was the highest vote for Remain in mainland UK and I can't see a Reform candidate getting in any time soon. But that's my little "island" of Britain and I know it's very different in other regions.
My cousins are mixed race and live in one of the most highly ethnically diverse regions in north west England. They have at least one Reform councillor which is terrifying.
There is so much ignorance about asylum seekers and refugees driving this debate and (re)creating the bloody 1930s. I would love the government or someone to do some proper education about how our country is better because we have diverse communities that should be celebrating our strength together rather than weakness driven by division.
Anyway, enough of me blathering on. I wish we could do more to stop the hatred and protectionism that some people feel.

Where are you living?

I totally get you. Racist people have been empowered across the world and so many white people (who are not themselves racist) are happy to bury their head in the sand and not stand up for what is good and right. It’s so sad.

Has anything actually happened or are you spending to much time on the internet. The internet and the real world are two very different places.

I'm a mix of carribean background. I think these thoughts are extreme OP.

I'm English married to a Scot but we have two Autistic sons whose future we fear for thanks to Farage, The Tories Et Al.

They are the problem not the solution

I'm the white person in my family and my kids are white passing mixed race. I'm terrified when my husband takes our daughter (who is the whitest) out in case someone starts on his and thinks she's not his kid. I understand your fears.

I’m not sure the people obsessed with flags realise what impact they’re having. Please know there’s a lot of good people out there too

I am not sure where you live but I am married to a Chinese man, we have 2 mixed race children.

I do not currently fear for them but we have chosen not to visit the US for the foreseeable future for reasons you mention.

I think that it also depends on the genetic heritage mix. I think day to day racism against Chinese people appears to be significantly less than for other global majority people.

Sending lots of virtual support to you.

OP I feel for you but without me being a dick - it’s a real eye opener to read threads on here about disability- and especially disabled children. I have yet to see the same about race or mixed race unrelated to immigration.
For instance I’ve seen comments online from 30p Anderson about disability and the hordes of people agreeing is scary: and that particular issue is raw for me as I have a profoundly disabled child who relies (or technically I do) on her DLA to provide her an adaptive car and for other (but not all) of her needs.
I’m also not British but I am white and that sort of avoids some current hate.
However, a lot of what people say online is perhaps what they think but it isn’t what they’d say in public.
That doesn’t assuage any concerns I know (it helps me a bit to remind myself that most people I meet are either completely oblivious to us or are generally kind and considerate).
I understand your fear, I really do, albeit for different reasons.
I think we have to hope that the Britain you loved and had children in will return - the world is going through a strange time politically and socially and I think it will go in cycles like this every 80-100 years until something momentous changes.
While I thought COVID-19 might have had that effect it seems it’s just encouraging self-interested thinking.
Stay positive OP.

My Sri Lankan son in law worries when he is out with my dd. And in the summer he chose not to join us on a family trip because he worried about making us a target. It’s heart breaking.

this is heartbreaking! I hope the UK changes back to the warm and friendly place it was. (allowing for the few pockets of racism that have always existed)

YANBU - a woman attacked a Muslim family with their baby with some sort of spray in Worcester in October. I mean a baby?

Two British Sikh women were raped and beaten and racially abused in October in the midlands. Then there was a stun gun and metal bar attack on a woman in her 50s again in another racially motivated attack only a few days ago. The white men who raped the women were arrested but they also arrested a woman along with a man for the first attack. Sikh taxi drivers have been attacked in the midlands too.

It makes the racists feel emboldened to hear derogatory comments and language made to people of colour by people in positions of power in this country.

We went out trick or treating last night and it was a lovely night. We do live in a lovely area although things happen here as they do everywhere. I feel okay here and when I am commuting to london but wtf is going on in the midlands?

Has anyone on this thread actually been targeted/threatened or is it a case of getting worked up about something without any real basis?
Because there is a thread like this one MN on pretty much a daily basis.
I know i will get flamed for this. But why ramp up the drama?

🙄

I’m really sorry you’re feeling so worried, OP. It’s completely understandable given how things are right now. But I think it’s easy to assume everyone else is fine when a lot of people are struggling too.
Your parents don’t sound very supportive, but you might have friends who’d understand more than you think. The country’s definitely getting nastier in general, not just towards ethnic minorities, but also towards disabled people, women, and anyone on a low income with the cost of living being what it is. When we feel isolated, it’s easy to think no one could understand, but that can cut us off from the support we do have. Talking to friends might help a bit, and counselling could be worth looking into too? And if you’re in an area where racism’s really bad, you could potentially think about moving somewhere more diverse, it doesn't need to be abroad, there are plenty of parts of the UK that are extremely ethnically diverse and where your family wouldn't be in the minority.

Katy this is a forum for people to be able to discuss things which they feel about... happy, sad, fearful etc.

No one is over-egging the threat level, they are discussing how the current climate makes them feel. You trying to minimise it is awful.

Would you be doing that on a thread about domestic violence/ sexism etc?

FWIW during covid people spat at my teenager calling him out for bringing his 'filthy germs' into 'our country'

My sister feels the same, she has mixed race dc and husband and it’s extreme worried. Her husband has suffered more racism is the last few months than at any other time in his life, was born in uk and is in his 50s. It’s a shocking situation.

Intelligent response

If in doubt, resort to insults. That will shut me up.

I am sorry you are scared, it’s a horrible feeling to not feel safe.

appreciate it’s not the same thing, but my children and I are Jewish and I’ve never been so frightened. I’ve moved past being angry and am just so tired. Very, very tired of being braced for something all the time (and yes, things have happened). I don’t think my husband entirely appreciated what he was signing up for in choosing a Jewish family so he’s just been surprised a lot.

Calm down. Jesus!

Are you the type of person who makes out that people complaining of, or fearing of racism being ramped up, are being ott, because, let me guess, it has never happened to you, so it must be people being sensitive, paranoid, take your pick. Would you say the same about Jewish people, and their fears, by any chance? Your post says a lot about you. Sad.

I’m in no doubt as to what sort of person you are. My response was entirely appropriate.

I would try to be really rational about this. What are you afraid of? Real life racism has reduced hugely over the years and Britain is one of the least racist places in the world. Yes, it still exists and always will. It's a fact of life. In many UK cities, mixed race or non-white people are the majority, so it's very possible to live here and not be a minority in your local community.

If you're worried about Reform, I think that's misplaced honestly. As a party, they are anti-immigration, not racist.

I'm afraid I disagree with your first sentence. I think a significant proportion of the flaghangers know exactly what impact they're having and that they do it precisely to make people from other cultures feel unwelcome and/or fearful and to give the impression that the rightwing racists are in the ascendant.

But your second bit is spot on. A mosque in a small town near me was firebombed a few weeks ago. Hundreds of people turned out to a rally in support of the Muslim community and an appeal has raised almost £50k towards repairs. Anti racism events locally have attracted big crowds and local "Stand Up To Racism" groups are now active in every town in the district. Every day there are groups showing support for asylum seekers at the nearest hostel and large numbers of people attend at weekends.