To date a man with four kids by two women?

[Carlott4]

I’ve met someone I really like, but he has four kids by two women. Both were long term relationships. Would you go there?

Not a chance, unless they were aged 20+. I actually don't think you'd be able to pay me enough to get involved. It might be all well and good at the moment, until it's not. My friend was in a similar situation, it ended badly and now she's devastated, kicked out of the house and all her family are less than sympathetic doing the told you so routine.

Honestly why bother. I couldn’t be arsed with that at all - I’d rather be single.

I would and did. I have a very small family (just my two adult children and me, no extended family) and I wanted stepchildren.

My partner of five years (living together for two years) has four children aged between 23 and 30 with two exes, both nice women.

I am not a fan of forced blending of minor children though, tbh. So if his children are young, I’d date him but not move in together. I’d also be wary of any “psycho ex” narrative because I’d bet they’re not psychos.

Absolutely not. He learnt nothing from the first relationship. Did he even marry any of them?! Unless he’s wealthy AF and is going to send all four to private boarding school then don’t waste your valuable time.

He’s going to have no money to spend on you or any of your children (if you have them) and you will end up subsidising his life and his children’s lives.

That’s why some merge together, I.e the women make allowances, because otherwise by doing things separately, they knew they would be on their own/left with their kids from previous.
And then I see those who might have wanted more kids, but certainly had another to make them more of a family, and for the man to be more on board, I would hate to have to do that.
But true that most men will not take on your kids, but quite happy, like the other comment I posted, to ask if they can have theirs over at yours 😆🤦‍♀️ because they don’t have a suitable home.

Yes some don’t fully move in, I.e the man or find somewhere to live together because of several reasons, and ties like job and school for the woman and her kids.
But from what I have seen, the man then gets the best of both worlds, by part staying/living at the woman’s, and partly wherever else he lives.
Then using her place to do everything else(have his kids from previous there, and whatever else) but no rent to pay, because oh yeah lol, they don’t live together and the benefits pay it, makes me so mad.

Nope.

@Carlott4 Yet, there are huge numbers of single men who have never previously been married and who do not have children.

No way. All that baggage!

Why should she need to find a man without children?
Surely it depends on both of their circumstances.

If both he and OP are in their 50s/60s and OP has 2/3 grown up kids and his kids are grown up too - then what’s the issue?

If they’re both early 20s and OP doesn’t like kids then it’s a problem.

We are born with a specific biological sex, not a gender. Gender is something else.

Would I start a relationship with one person who brings 6 others to the mix, 6 unknown variables, 4 of whom should always come before me? No I wouldn't. In laws are a gamble enough never mind 4 kids 2 exes. And then maybe down the line their partners and some grandkids too...

Nope. He's looking for a babysitter

Haven't even read your post but my answer is a firm no.

All if this . Plus, just imagine Christmas day/ summer holidays/ graduations/ weddings / future grandchildren. You would most likely be very useful for extra money/ childcare blah blah but waaaaaaay down the list of priorities when it came to anything you wanted

Why on earth would you?

Absolutely bloody no way.

Why???

4 kids? No,I don't think I would. Depending on their age,I think you would either find yourself being expected to look after them on a regular basis,or he would (rightly) always put them first and you would be left behind.

Haha, go to the thread where the step mum “cant take this anymore”.
Date the guy, but dont ever move in until the kids are in their 20s

Nope, not for me, but I wouldn’t date a man with young kids either.

if you are poor, desperate, sex obsessed or very very lonely, yes. Even then - be careful, don't marry him

Desperate as destitute - sometimes we need somewhere to live and money is an object and there is not a council to help us, like in my country

God no. Stay clear op.

A friend of mine dated a man with 5 children by 4 different women. He blamed all his exes for the fact he had 5 children!! Of course he could have used a condom, but didn't. I was horrified and tried to talk her out of dating him. 5 children with 4 different women, regardless how long the relationships have been, doesn't scream Mr Responsible. As it turned out, I was correct, and he was even worse than I originally thought leasing to a Clare's Laws request, by my friend. No, don't date this man, 4 children is a lot. That's 2 exes involved, and 2 lots of child support and contact. It's messy.