I don’t think I’m BU but what the fuck do I do now

[Letyy]

Have a 7 month old with DP. Found out this week that he’s been snorting coke in the house while working from home. Initially he said it was a one off but turns out he does it when stressed. He works in banking and it is highly stressful but I’ve asked him to leave. I don’t know where to go from here. I have no other support as we moved from UK overseas for his work

Hear hear @WishinAndHopin !! I was hoping there would be a comment about the bigger picture!

Yeah this was my main issue. I’m not by any stretch a saint but from an ethical standpoint cocaine is fairly abhorrent.

(Funny that most of mumsnet gets freaked out about a bit of accidental shoplifting from Tesco but is totally fine with funding slave labour and deforestation?)

It's common in banking but that doesn't make it any less serious. Bankers have the same physiology as the rest of us.

And yes, this as well.

You didnt think it was too horrendous?!? If hes doing it in the house hes keeping it in the house... where DC could potentially injest it.

Does he drive DC places? Watch them unsupervised? The risks of him casually destressing with coke in the house are huge

If he needs it when he’s stressed then yes, he’s addicted

That actually doesn't matter. He's using in the house of course he's going to say it's because of stress, he's not addicted etc that's the usual.

You are living with a drug addict. Leave him

Most countries, those signed up to The Hague convention, are the same. If one parent takes a child out of the country where they have lived the majority of their life to move to another country, without the other parents permission, there will be an international arrest warrant put out for them.

He's doing Coke while working. He's addicted,

Leave him, it's the only sensible choice.

I mean, it is drug habit but it’s also pretty common one among bankers etc because it keeps them awake alert and focused.
it’s NOT a road to heroin, why do you listen to that? That’s a bit ridiculous. It’s not the same as heroin.

what would you if you’d find out he was an alcoholic? Do that.

Presume you are ok to buy Primark snd such though?
or typing this from you smartphone - have you heard about child labour in cobalt mines?

selective outrage is pathetic

It seems like the word addict is tripping you up... Regardless if you want to use that word or not the situation shows he is regularly abusing cocaine and depending on it to meet a psychological need.

What I would say given the circumstances:

• he is almost certainly doing more coke more often than he will admit to you (and probably himself)
• he is probably in denial about having a problem with it
• he won't be able to give up until he has accepted he has a problem and is self motivated to stop
• be aware he may be drug-driving. This would worry me especially if he is so accustomed to taking the coke that he's doing his work etc on it- he must feel pretty confident and in control on it.
• as above, is he looking after your baby alone? He could be on coke.
• coke is very expensive (in the UK at least) and he could be spending significant amounts that he won't admit to.

Please be sure you know what the legal situation is where you are!

I don't think it has to be the end of the relationship if he gives it up and stays clean, but he needs to want to change for himself and start being honest, to himself and to you.

Yeah, this makes him some one who can’t stop by himself. First of all cocaine isnt addictive. It’s on,y addictive if you have the personality for that high. So, to me hes likes it. So you have to decide if you can live with it.

He’s sounds like a baby and I wouldn’t leave my baby with a grown baby

On a scale of cocaine use I’d say it goes from people who only take it if they’re offered in a social setting, to people who actively seek in out in a social setting, to people who buy it regularly for socialising… then there’s those who do it by themselves. Always a bad sign, but by themselves during the working day? Awful.

I know many people who take / have taken coke. Trust me when I say that he has a problem. I’d run for the hills.

From my understanding and experience of cocaine when I was much younger, when someone reaches the point of using cocaine when they are sober, alone and during the working day, they are addicted.

I’ve had a lot of friends who’ve used drugs over the years. Some ruined their health and their relationships and one OD’d and died. Your DH is using a class A drug alone by himself at home during the working day. He’s an addict 100%.

It's not a step away from heroin. For one thing, cocaine's a stimulant while heroin's a soporific.

It is possible to be addicted to coke - I worked in a different industry with a similar substance abuse profile - and, assuming users can afford their habit, the worst thing that normally happens is they start getting very bad-tempered and paranoid. I'm not downplaying that, it's unpleasant, and persistent use can lead to nasty physical problems like a collapsed nose, heart attack, brain bleeds and more.

Everyone I know through work stopped using as they got older. They just stopped; no difficult withdrawals or anything. However, everyone I knew through rehab did not stop coke. I suppose the difference could be a combination of doing it entirely by choice and being an 'addictive personality'.

Very difficult for you, OP, especially that he's been concealing it from you. Can't advise on the leaving from a foreign country, other than stressing the importance of finding out what your legal situation is as a wife and mother there.

I’ve known of two youngish people who dropped dead of heart attacks thanks to that vile stuff.

I’d be furious that it was in my house, especially with a baby around.

Stressed at work, my foot. Have a cup of tea and a biscuit then. Not a line off your kitchen worktop, Jesus.

Never trust a druggie. They lie and lie and lie.

Only menally. It’s not addictive.i he mixed ir amphetamines then it’s addictive

It’s also a very expensive drug so where’s the coming from

Bollocks.

if he is doing coke in the day time at home he has a problem. cost depends how much he is using. i can guarantee. it makes anyone who uses it a liar and a cheat and most often than not aggressive/violent. they will always down play how much they are taking, its a very hard drug to give up, are you willing to put your child at risk with him doing it at home, you say you cannot leave but i would really consider making a plan to get out should you need to ( keep it to yourself and don't leave anything traceable ie emails etc that he could see)

Are you on glue? Yes, buying illegal drugs is just like shopping at Primark. There are a lot of stupid comments on this site but this one must be in the top ten in the last 15 years.