I don’t think I’m BU but what the fuck do I do now

[Letyy]

Have a 7 month old with DP. Found out this week that he’s been snorting coke in the house while working from home. Initially he said it was a one off but turns out he does it when stressed. He works in banking and it is highly stressful but I’ve asked him to leave. I don’t know where to go from here. I have no other support as we moved from UK overseas for his work

It's not. My X and his bestie had been occasionally taking coke and MDMA for 25 years, about 6 times a year.

It's sadly very common in banking, media, male dominated professions and high paying salaried roles.

There are lots of stressful jobs, it is no excuse. Of course he is addicted, you should not be letting him anywhere near your baby. Your priority must be to keep your child safe.

Unfortunately this is very true. Also the people telling you to bring your baby back the UK without his permission are setting you up to lose custody of your child. Under the Hague Convention that is kidnapping

I'm confused. So are you back in the UK with the nipper currently @Letyy ?

OP if he’s taking it at home during the day , it’s not good ..
That’s a problem..
Him saying to you he only takes it when he is stressed is bullshit , don’t you know he’s going to down play it ..
Bottom line is he needs professional help ..
If you guys stand a chance he needs to go to rehab right now ..
You Can fit a lot into that little bag he gets his coke in ..
His Wife, his child, his home , his job ..
Remind him of that ..x

Chances are there would be serious consequences for his work if they found out. Do you have any proof? Speak to a lawyer about where you stand.

Your friend sounds very melodramatic OP. I am very anti drugs but I think a previous poster is right that it’s not that unusual in professional, middle class circles. I really don’t think it’s a route to harder stuff.

I’d be encouraging him to find a less stressful career/new role. Do you also plan to go back to work to share the financial burden/stress after maternity leave?

It not being unusual is no excuse, nor is the 'stressful job'. I find men like this pathetic frankly, he needs to grow up. Life has stresses, that's normal, turning to drugs is not normal, responsible, safe or acceptable. Especially when you have a young child to be a role model for.

This

It'll all be easier to deal with from the UK.

The friend is being OTT re he'll be smoking crack next week. However taking coke when you feel stressed during a working day is not just the kind of recreational use you could classify as normal.

I think if the OP gets herself back to England they can both get some perspective - if she doesn't want to stay she's in a better position and if she does want to work it out then he will have realised he needs to engage or loose his family.

Just make sure you never leave him alone with your baby!

Where is your child ordinarily resident, and where are they/you now?

I am confused.

I know a lot of people that use coke recreationally. I also have known some people with severe addictions.

1. Its really expensive.
2. It causes extreme mood swings.
3. Doing it in the work day is way past recreational use and falls into major problem and addiction, whatever he tries to say about it, doing it int he work day, daily, is a major dependancy and probablematic addiction territory. I don't know anyone that does this and hasnt come to some major issue occurring to impact their health, finances or life .
4. You can come back from any addiciton. You just need to really want to. Some people really don't want to and theres nothing anyone can say or do to make them.
5. You should really leave and tell him you will take him back if he proves he has got help to stop.
6. Some people do in fact manage to live seemingly normal lives with addiction, but in the end it will ruin everything. Maybe not now, maybe years down the line. But if you stick around you will have to live with the fact that day will come if he doesnt stop and that it will be a major event. Its playing with fire to stay.

Not good. Even if he isn't addicted, the people who he's getting it off are not people you want around. You could ring a drug recovery group or helpline for advice about it. They would have lots of experience in dealing with people taking cocaine

That’s insane… like addict level insane. Lots of people have tried it at a nightclub. To do it at home, alone, during the day, while working is serious serious addiction level. I used to hang out with a lot of causal users in my 20s… none did it alone or while working.

I’ve also never heard of someone taking coke - major stimulant - to deal with stress. It makes you MORE stressed if anything.

If your baby accidentally ingested just a tiny amount they could have seizures and die. An infant died after sucking his father’s finger that had traces on it in 2007.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/wbna25257616

The advice is really going to depend what country your in

Is it illegal over there

Do they protect women and children over there

Substitute coke for alcohol.

If someone told you that they drink alcohol on their own, whilst working from home because they were stressed, would you think they had a drink problem?

Or… 7m old gets older, learns to walk, finds ‘recreational’ Coke lying around the house during daytime working hours, overdoses.

Just because it’s the ‘acceptable’ middle class drug of choice doesn’t mean it is universally safe. Long term side effects include heart damage and impotence.

It’s quite a long way off heroin isnt it. If you did a survey of men who work in banking coke use would be insanely prolific. I don’t think you need to break up because of this, maybe actually talk to him

Taking it at a party in a social setting is just as wrong as taking cocaine at home. It's an illegal drug and it damages you. What are you thinking of? That recreational drug use is ok? It's not.

This is like the most hilarious hypothetical situation

I mean, it really isn't. Have you ever met a toddler? They get into everything. If I had had coke in my house when mine were that age, they would have found it and eaten it. We literally kept the paracetamol in a lockbox because both of mine were a) very inquisitive and b) climbers.
My SIL is an A&E paeds nurse and she says the number of small kids that come in with accidental poisoning after ingesting cleaning products / medication / vape fluid / slug pellets is shocking.

Your friend is talking nonsense.

Absolutely this. And I'd say that as someone who is not opposed to all recreational drugs in all situations. And coke is nasty stuff anyway, it brings out the worst in people in more ways than one. That's a line in the sand, right there.

I had several toddlers and they’ve never helped themselves to any of my (prescribed) medication.