AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

I wouldn't do this but also wouldn't be bothered by her using a spay or two from each bottle.

In my spare room I keep a lot of books. These aren't provided for guests, it's just overflow from the rest of the house but unsurprisingly, people staying often pick one up, and they are welcome to do so. I don't clear out all the books before someone stays because I don't mind if they read something.

What I don't keep in there is an expensive first edition I own that would be devalued by being thumbed through. Even if I kept it in a special cabinet that I wouldn't open myself were I in someone else's home... I can still see how a guest might accidentally assume it's there to be read, so I wouldn't risk it.

I think wearing someone's clothes or shoes is a completely different thing and obviously harder to get confused about than books/toiletries/perfumes.

So I'm not like a lot of trainer freaks in that I actually wear all of mine (albeit after treating them with sprays that repel liquids/dirt, especially if I'm walking down a country road with no pavements!)...she was saying there were a few in my collection that she'd had her eye on and I did say to feel free to try any of them on. I figured she'd try them on in the room mind!

My partner thought it was hilarious because he knows how precious I am about them, her partner looked a bit mortified but we did all laugh it off in the end and I've sold her a few pairs since. Still blows my mind! 😅

And you exclaimed, 'A shoe rack?' in the tone of Lady Bracknell's theatrical incredulity in the famous 'A handbag?' in The Importance of Being Earnest:
“Jack: Actually, I was found.
Lady Bracknell: Found?
Jack: Uh, yes, I was in... a handbag.
Lady Bracknell: A handbag?
Jack: Yes, it was..

And which should always be ringingly pronounced as ‘A HENDBEG???’

Great comparison.

Yeh, but she did bother to start up a thread about her... starting all this CF nonsense!

I think it’s weird you put perfumes in a glass display. What sort of perfumes are they? Collector bottles?

I think both @Iloveleaveinconditioner and her guest are unreasonable.

I think @BreakingWaves post nails it, about why the OP has only herself to blame.

However, I also think the guest was rude to use what were obviously expensive perfumes - although they were on display as if they're trophies, which is weird ...

But then I don't keep anything personal in my guest rooms - they are for guests, and anything I put in them, or in the guest bathroom, is for guests' use!

If they were in the guest room I would also have assumed you wouldn’t be worried about people using them. Anything you want to keep to yourself I would put in your own room next time.

I was quite miffed when a friend who was staying with me for a week to do a course, went in my bathroom cabinet and used around half a packet of my make up remover wipes, and think I'd be even less happier if anyone used my perfume at £100 a bottle. She sounds like a CF.

Indeed. It's also not very good for perfume to be in direct light. Mine are all jumbled in a drawer, in my bedroom, not in either of the spare rooms!

As long as she didn't empty the bottles,no problem.

I wouldn't use someone else's perfume without asking but she was only there for 4 days, it's hardly going to deplete your perfume levels that much. I wouldn't get that worked up about it.

I'm assuming OP doesn't run a guest house.
Why would anyone think that they were there for anyone's use?
Does everyone lock up the things they have on display because guests would help themselves??
What kind of guests are all these people saying if it's in the guest room it's fair game??

I wouldn’t use someone’s perfume without asking but if I really didn’t want someone using my perfume I would have put it away. I’ve got a few that I wouldn’t want someone to use because they are so expensive to replace.

If it was in your guest room, I’d expect it to be used. I have a few pairs of those slippers you get in hotels that I have in my guest room, fully expecting guests to use. My upstairs shower room, which is where any guests that stay use, I have shower gel and shampoo, deodorant, which I hope my guests feel happy to use .

If you left showergel / soap in the ensuite would you expect it to be used?

I think it's he same thing with the perfume - it looks like it's there to be used.

I wouldn’t use someone’s perfume without asking, but I would be tempted to have a sniff at the bottle if it was one I didn’t know. I would quite happily ask the hostess if I wanted to test it, and I’d imagine most would be flattered and say yes. I’d think it a bit cheeky if someone just helped themselves, but would probably just shrug it off because I know some people are like that. I can understand why you were a little taken aback though

Look, you say they’re lovely and you really get one so she’s obviously a friend. It wouldn’t bother me at all if a friend felt comfortable enough to borrow a spray of perfume. You have 15 bottles I think you said, and she stayed for 4 days so she probably had what 8 sprays in total? This is not a big deal for someone you consider a friend and she obviously sees you as one.
it will take years to get through all that perfume.

the bigger question is, do you actually consider her a good friend and were they good house guests otherwise? Or was she a CF in other ways too? Because if that’s the case your view of the perfume spraying is going to be coloured.

did they bring a gift, wine, treat you to dinner etc? Or do they reciprocate in other ways?

I think a lot of posters here sound ill mannered. I stay with a friend a couple of times a year (and yes I always invite her back but she has not taken me up on in, I always take gifts plus treat her to dinner out). I sleep in one of her spare rooms. She has lots and lots of expensive cosmetics in there. I wouldn't dream of touching them, they are obviously hers and just where she stores them.

Very cheeky. She should have just asked. Out of interest what perfumes are they?

Also OP this is really really outing with loads of specific details so if your friend is on MN you can probably kiss goodbye to the friendship unless she might see the funny side and laugh it off...?

She was wrong- just because something is on display in someone else’s you don’t just help yourself. I am guessing all those saying it was fine would do the same thing themselves.

Keep.your perfume in the original boxes in a cupboard or drawer, they should keep for years and nobody else can use them, Just display empty bottles of you like the look of them