To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

[paintbynumberss]

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

Totally agree @CatchCatpost after post of people calling the OP ungrateful, spoilt, a brat, a spoilt brat, entitled, a beggar who needs to budget, drink water, get a better job.

I wonder whether they all have so much contempt for they own DC it’s so weird.

So what about the chicken, bread and salad? You’ve only mentioned juice as own brand?

So I think this may be a complex you have based on your own history with your mum. I personally wouldn't be offended at all if my mum bought me own brand juice, especially if it's what I would buy. But I would be a bit wtf if I was in this position and she brought round things I know she would never eat and she knew I would never it. But as you said, it sounds like she has bought you what you would buy for yourself.

I would have bought the brands my DD usually would buy for herself, I'd also top up her bank account with whatever I could afford to spare.

Ungrateful. She got you what she knows you like.

Would those DC show as much contempt for their mothers though?

When I had pennies left in my bank account the day before payday I would go to Kwik Save back in the day, I would never have let my mum know I was down to pennies. The fact is her mum bought her items to tide her over till payday (the next day). There is obviously negative history going on with OP and her view of her mother because if not, she would have just been grateful for the help.

Sounds like your mother made a special trip to your home to bring you a bag of food. On the way she stopped off somewhere to get fresh food. Maybe it wasnt the place she usually shopped but unless she deliberately drove past that place and went somewhere else to buy cheaper items you are being very very unreasonable. She could have done a bank transfer of a few pounds and let you shop yourself, maybe you'd have felt a bit better with that. But she came round to see how you were and make sure you had what you needed.

No good deed goes unpunished!

Maybe if it was a one-off but how long is this sort of thing expected to continue? I know someone who is married, in her 40s yet always broke and she constantly whines about her mum having a comfortable life while she and her husband buy yellow sticker food. It’s entirely self-inflicted- both of them are insisting on working at the fringes (hourly paid work) of a competitive career that they are not cut out to do or they would have got a permanent job in it years ago. If they accepted reality and got modestly paid office jobs (they both have multiple degrees and PhDs) they’d have a combined income of 70k or so and would be absolutely fine. Yet all I hear is “boomer greed” and how it’s disgraceful to let your adult child live in poverty while you drive a BMW.

She maybe thinks she won't help you learn to budget by bailing you out with high end food. (Juice is a treat in this house, I buy it when we have visitors.)
How did she know that your money had run out?

Your mum did a nice thing for you, and BTW, juice isn't a 'basic'. Nothing to whinge about.

I think u should be grateful !
she may have more than you but that doesn’t mean she has to buy u branded stuff !
you a grown arse adult stop being so petty !
And budget so u don’t get in this situation again !

She shops in M&S but went out of her way to go to Asda to buy you what you normally buy for yourself and she's the bad guy?

To be honest I think in the cold light of day you'll read this back and realise it was childish of you. I can understand though when your in heightened sensitivities you do notice little details.

Where you're so skint, if she'd bought you the expensive versions you may have well ended up complaining that she should have bought you the cheap versions and given you the rest of the money, or bought a few more items to make the money stretch further.

I don't think she can win here.

Juice is just sugar and empty calories anyway, OP.

I think what you meant to say, was thanks mum 👍🏻

Are you having to pay her back for this shop? If you are, maybe she didn't get the expensive stuff because she thought you couldn't afford to pay that much back? Obviously if you're struggling with finances so much then an expensive little food shop would be a bit extravagant

I wonder if any of these people criticising OP for needing her mums help donate to a food bank? Would you just donate the cheapest food because that’s all people struggling deserve?

Yes, but not because 'it's all they deserve'. I donate the own brand stuff, because with the money I have available, that way I can help five people with own brand orange juice, rather than one person with Innocent orange juice.

YABU. beggars can’t be choosers as they say. Be grateful you have a mum who is willing to help you out in this situation.

Food banks are available for supplies if you aren’t happy OP?

Exactly. The pile on is crazy. Personally as a mum i would be in the same shops I buy for myself, and buying my kids the same as what I get myself. Op said she cant taste the difference between the cheaper brands, she didnt say she doesn't like the others. Mum sounds like shes being a bit tight.

I do get you Op, kind of, however, it made me think of MIL who is a multi millionaire, and in the same circumstances she would let you starve. Even if you had a month till pay day, no help would be offered. Everything for her is the best of the best, several long haul holidays a year, business class only - you get the drift. No help given to children ever, even though one of her adult children is broke. Your Mum seems a lot kinder.

Plus many weeks buying the own brand stuff is the only way WE can survive. We try to donate nicer food at Christmas etc but most people are just doing what they can, not inventing an hierarchy of who's worthy of what food in their head!

And just to add, if this was my adult child, I would be offering to send them a few hundred quid a month to bridge the gap.

If I had £1.21 and no food, I would be grateful for some warm bottled water and a loaf of bread. I certainly wouldn’t notice what brand anything is. Your mom can afford to drink branded juice, you can’t afford any juice at all at the moment. Be grateful.