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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

366 replies

paintbynumberss · 30/10/2025 23:28

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

OP posts:

Tourmalines · 31/10/2025 04:27

Jesus, entitled much ? You said when she buys her own two different varieties of juice she looks what’s on OFFER before she picks one , so that means she’s quite a thrifty shopper for herself .She also bought you bread ,chicken ,and salad. She also knows that you buy own brand juice because you like it . Gratitude called, it wants its basic human decency back.

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:31

Starzinsky · 30/10/2025 23:43

She bought you what you normally have, quite considerate she noticed the type you usually choose, and really ungrateful of you to complain. Maybe next time she should just leave you to stave to avoid the risk of offending you.

People keep saying she brought you thd juice you usually have, but thd mum knows she us in a tight budget so clearly buys the cheapest one she can afford. She could have brought her a nicer one

Highlighta · 31/10/2025 04:36

No ways this is a geniune issue.

No-one is openly this ungrateful.

daisychain01 · 31/10/2025 04:37

Never let a good deed go unpunished.

deararethymountains · 31/10/2025 04:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 04:45

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:31

People keep saying she brought you thd juice you usually have, but thd mum knows she us in a tight budget so clearly buys the cheapest one she can afford. She could have brought her a nicer one

Show quote history

OP literally can't taste the difference, she said so in her first post.

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:45

GetThatToadOutOfMyHole · 31/10/2025 00:58

I think this post sums it up perfectly and actually shows compassion and understanding rather than being scathing over someone’s financial situation. I wonder if any of these people criticising OP for needing her mums help donate to a food bank? Would you just donate the cheapest food because that’s all people struggling deserve?

I understand how OP feels. I left home very young and struggled financially, I used to sometimes ask my mum if I could take some food from her freezer that had been there for months.
My dad always complained and made me feel like a scrounger but then would pay for my sisters driving lessons and a car! He used to say he was planning on eating the microwave meal that had been there for 6 months but it would end up in the bin.

Every now and then my mum would bring me a bag of food I loved to work (I was working 60 hour weeks to support myself) from booths or M&S just so I had a few “luxury items”.
I felt embarrassed and undeserving of the food from the freezer but when my mum brought me the bags of food to work I felt like I was loved and being cared for.

I’m a bit disappointed so many people couldn’t understand why OP felt the way she did and needed to make her feel ashamed for her financial situation in a cost of living crisis.

This attitude shows what we have become in this country and it saddens me.

Show quote history

Exactly nasty people on here. I bet they don't eat and drink the cheapest own brand things!

Devilrocknroller · 31/10/2025 04:47

No one else is responsible for your financial situation except you…. Get buying you food was nice and not something she had to do. Criticising the brand is awful and unreasonable. Who cares if she can afford holidays for herself and has money…. It’s her life and her money to do with as she wants? You’re an adult….

unleashthebook · 31/10/2025 04:52

YABU. She bought you what you normally drink. There was probably also an element of “if I buy the expensive stuff, she will think I’m rubbing her face in it”.

Why are you in this sort of financial situation? Is it just down to low income/high rent or poor budgeting? I can’t imagine having my own adult dc barely surviving nearby whilst I’m living the life of riley tbh, unless it’s just down to their own poor money management.

Weirdest · 31/10/2025 04:56

Honestly I think you’re being silly.

She could afford to get you more for less by going for Asda own brand? Maybe that’s idk, more food than what she could have got for the same price elsewhere.

At the moment that food shop was all about survival and getting you enough to get you through the day, not to give you a treat of M&S buys. You’re paid now so can buy yourself M&S…

I can’t lie, I’d find it insulting if I bought someone emergency groceries and they were critical of the groceries being from Asda as opposed to M&S. Ultimately your food shop was an unexpected expense, maybe she doesn’t have the ability to pay for 2 separate households to dine with M&S that week. Plus it’s not really a special occasion where a treat from M&S might be needed, at the moment you needed practical support.

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:57

unleashthebook · 31/10/2025 04:52

YABU. She bought you what you normally drink. There was probably also an element of “if I buy the expensive stuff, she will think I’m rubbing her face in it”.

How would buying her daughter a nice drink look like rubbing her face in it? Surely it would just look like treating her daughter?

anamynous · 31/10/2025 05:01

YABVU. Also your mum needs to be blamed equally for raising such an ungrateful and jealous child( your comment on her holiday). Why do you think she owes it to you forever?

Umy15r03lcha1 · 31/10/2025 05:01

Why are you even bothering with juice, it's just sugar water. Drink water/ eat an orange.

Ashersmom · 31/10/2025 05:11

YABU. Who thinks juice is a necessity for one day for a start? You really needed a bail out with nothing at all? She helped you out with food/drink that you yourself buy and you're so incensed you come online to bitch, really?

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 05:17

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:57

How would buying her daughter a nice drink look like rubbing her face in it? Surely it would just look like treating her daughter?

Show quote history

What exactly do you mean by a 'nice drink'?

Here's the OP's own words:
I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself.
It tastes the same to me.
I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice.

Is the branding on the bottle really so important to you? You see it as a treat to spend more money for the same thing in a different package? Weird.

BananaMilkshake77 · 31/10/2025 05:18

You are being an ungrateful brat TBH

Okthenguys · 31/10/2025 05:18

OP - I don’t think the issue is about the brand of groceries she (very kindly) bought you. Someone with no food in their pantry would only be grateful for any help and wouldn’t be analyzing and critiquing the brand of food they’d recieved. I think the real issue is you feel resentment that your mother apparently has lots of money and is very comfortable, but doesn’t help you as much as you think she should (or as much as you believe you’re entitled to). It’s clearly a bigger issue but remember you have no “right” to her money or indeed how she chooses to spend it. Work out why you’re so short before each paycheck and make the changes necessary to afford the brand of groceries you want, rather than relying on handouts which clearly don’t meet your standards.

Tourmalines · 31/10/2025 05:20

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 05:17

What exactly do you mean by a 'nice drink'?

Here's the OP's own words:
I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself.
It tastes the same to me.
I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice.

Is the branding on the bottle really so important to you? You see it as a treat to spend more money for the same thing in a different package? Weird.

Show quote history

Exactly. She doesn’t see the point on spending more on juice than you have too ,unless it’s her mum . Her mum should spend more

ConcordeSkyHigh · 31/10/2025 05:23

To be honest no this is probably a savvy decision on her part. If she buys you luxury what do you have in life to strive for. If it were my parent they'd probably do the same. They might chuck in a treat along the way but the thoughtfulness of picking up some bits would be enough for me.

I think the past issues in the relationship with your mum are clouding your thinking here.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 05:27

In case anyone was wondering, I looked up the ingredients. (Yes I am bored.)

Asda Tangy and Smooth - orange juice
Innocent smooth - orange juice
Copella smooth - orange juice

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 31/10/2025 05:27

I would’ve been grateful for her kindness. My advice is don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Min75 · 31/10/2025 05:28

She knows what you buy and she's bought you those same things. She is a very loving mum to help you out. I would be so grateful. I don't think she would go to M&S for you, as that's not your usual place to shop. If it was the case that you shopped at M&S, I am sure she would have got the stuff from there. Please see it as it is and be grateful for the support. Our parents aren't obliged to help us in this way, but the fact that she chooses to help is a godsend. It's only when we no longer have them in our lives that we truly appreciate the help and support we received.

Mothership4two · 31/10/2025 05:28

It's not nasty to feel OP was being unreasonable and ungrateful to quibble over a carton of juice when her mum has bought her some shopping that OP asked for. Especially when she bought the brand that OP usually drinks and that OP has said she can't see the point of spending more on (probably something her mum is aware of). And out of the bag of shopping that was given to her the one thing that seems to have put OP's nose out of joint is some juice.

To ask someone for help and then get sniffy about that help is p*ss poor behaviour in my book.

CockSpadget · 31/10/2025 05:28

NortieTortie · 31/10/2025 01:12

Previous comments are a bit baffling. Is it just me that thinks buying a bag of groceries for your struggling adult child isn't particularly going above & beyond?? Surely any decent parent would do the same if they had the means?

Anyway, I think it's worth considering that it simply didn't occur to her. She may well have just bought something she'd seen you drink before and knows you like. I can understand why it hurt your feelings though, especially if you're already feeling low.

Completely agree. All the “she’s done a lovely thing for you” rhetoric, no, she’s done something, that to me is just being a parent.
@Citygrl7 also completely agree, that’s how I am with my kids, and they in turn are the same.

Nestingbirds · 31/10/2025 05:29

Really incredibly entitled reaction to an act of kindness. You are not a child anymore op, she isn’t obliged to buy you anything, much less expensive shopping items.

You sound resentful of her comfort, but it’s up to you to get a better paid job or work 2/3 jobs as I did when young and find your own way through life.

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