To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

[paintbynumberss]

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

Wow!

Thank goodness some people have been along to not be such dicks. I feel you, OP. I'm not sure if your mum meant it that way, it could have been that she was buying you what she's seen you have before, but I can see how it would have landed. And why it would have hurt.

Previous comments are a bit baffling. Is it just me that thinks buying a bag of groceries for your struggling adult child isn't particularly going above & beyond?? Surely any decent parent would do the same if they had the means?

Anyway, I think it's worth considering that it simply didn't occur to her. She may well have just bought something she'd seen you drink before and knows you like. I can understand why it hurt your feelings though, especially if you're already feeling low.

You presumably asked her for help OP (otherwise how would she have known) and now you are nitpicking about that help. Just say thank you

Could be really considerate - she's getting what you usually get, so if you have friends round you don't have to admit your mum got your shopping for you.

Could be she begrudges having to do it for some reason.

Lots of options in between.

But really it comes down to don't look a gift horse. She went to the trouble of bringing you food. Thanks mum.

you had no food or money to buy stuff

she buys you a bag of stuff that you usually have and she’s in the wrong

wow

you are ungrateful

Your poor Mum, I hope she never finds out that you posted that.

If you get paid today, you could have probably shopped yesterday and been fine because the money wouldn't clear before your pay goes in anyway

Being as you said you buy the cheaper juice because it tastes the same, I suspect if she's brought you the branded juice you'd have been here saying "AIBU that my mother brought me expensive juice when she could have brought cheaper juice and spent the extra money on more for me?"

And for the PP asking about food banks - yes I do donate, and often it is Supermarket Own Brand (not the cheapest/basic range) because I can't afford to spend that much to donate expensive items which are more than I would normally buy myself anyway

@MintDog
It's stranger that you come from a well off family but you're struggling?

Not the point of the thread, I know, but isn't this quite common nowadays? Especially if you take into account the differences that are simply to do with the parents being at a different life stage, mortgage paid off etc.

Really no, and if you were properly on the bones of your arse (which some of us have properly been) then you wouldn't quibble about the brands and accept the help.

If you only had £1.21 to pay day left then the answer is thank you.

I'm going to ignore the race to be bottom comments. If you have nothing in the cupboards you are at the bottom.

I think most people here echo my sentiments. We don’t know the history between you so based solely on what you’ve said, she did you a favour she didn’t (shouldn’t?) have to.

As an aside, you’ve stated you had £1.21 left today, you are single and living alone. Clearly you work as you mention payday. Then you end by saying you want children and you’d want to give them the best. So I say this with kindness. Don’t have any until you have figured out how to get by without needing your mum to step in at the end of the month. And I hope when the time comes, you’ll teach your kids to be grateful when someone steps in to help, whether or not that help has a brand name all over it.

Did you expect more

She bought you what you usually buy yourself, and that's not good enough?

What is they say? It's easy to spend other people's money.

Sorry but how spoilt can one be?

Next month let her know you won't accept anything else than oysters and caviar.

YABVU

I wouldn't read too much into it. If I were buying you some food to help you out, I might grab what I know you drink because I know you like it. I wouldn't necessarily risk buying something I prefer. It might not be to your taste.

It was nice of your Mum to help you out. Juice is a luxury item rather than necessary basic, so she wasn't just getting you emergency items.

Im with you OP it’s weird! If she only shops in M&S but for you went out of her way to go to Asda she’s definitely making a conscious decision to not get you anything too nice. Like If my child needed some groceries I’d just pick them up when I was getting my own... I wouldn’t be angry obviously but it would make me suspect that she might have some beef with me that I’m not aware of yet.

YABU

OP, get a grip of yourself.

Your mum has bought things she noticed you buy, and you’re here whining because it’s not the correct high end brand?

How about, gratitude and self reflection.

I’ve been in your situation in the past, in that, I had run out of money at the end of the month, and I sure as hell was so grateful for any help received - it wouldn’t have occurred to me to complain about brands.
Also, juice is not essential. Your mum tried to do a nice thing, and you’re being sulky and ungrateful.

Just when, as parents, do we not go above and beyond for our children?

Who hasn't surprised them with an extra wee shop whilst they're struggling at uni. And not just the basics/essentials ranges either, including a few wee "luxuries"!

I suspect @paintbynumberss that this wasn't too much of a surprise, sadly.

So no, you are definitely not being unreasonable to be hurt, all those posters castigating you, can just gtf, imho ofc 😊

And what if you didn't need to buy your own groceries on that same day your kid needed some in a hurry?

When I buy food for my son I go to the supermarket closest to him. If that's not good enough, he's welcome to decline in future.

Good thing you didn’t enable voting on this! 🤣

Your DM did something kind to help you out and all you can do is complain about brands! Honestly, the brand of juice would have been the last thing I was thinking of. Maybe try and develop some gratitude.

I’m frankly horrified at all of these replies. OP, you’re fully normal for feeling that, if your mum buys higher end for herself , that it’s slightly askew she’d buy lesser for you. Given that you explained there’s a history there. That part of it is what you need to look into. I’m biased because I had an amazing (albeit totally enmeshed mother) that would virtually go hungry before she gave me the best of everything. So in my mind, that’s what mothers do - and honestly, what I would do too even for a friend: I’d buy them something nicer than I would myself. Doesn’t mean your mum doesn’t love you or care - she loves you an awful lot clearly to bring things round. But you’re fully in you’re right to feel all the feels and don’t all of these comments from others let you think otherwise x

Just to clarify: it’s not about the brand, it’s about what’s behind it. I get where OP is coming from.