Taking DD’s to Disneyland separately

[Hilowmaybeno]

My in-laws are convinced this is a totally awful plan and we’ve lost our mind so I’m looking for some opinions. We have 2 DDs. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 2.
We are thinking for DDs 5th birthday we want to take her to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days. The way it works out is DDs school close for summer on the Friday, we will do a party on the Sunday, her birthday is the Tuesday and then Thursday-Sunday (I know busy days) Disneyland Paris. I don’t think we should take DD2 with us as I want it to be a special birthday treat for DD1. Then in a couple of years when it’s DD2s 5th birthday we can do the same.
I feel especially since DD1 started school that we just don’t get very much time with her alone now, especially not with DH too and I’d love to spoil her a little for her birthday. It wouldn’t replace our main summer holiday it would be an add on so DD2 wouldn’t actually be missing out.
My in-laws think it might be fine this time but I’m asking for hell when it’s DD2’s turn and DD1 is 7.

AIBU to want to talk DDs to Disneyland on separate trips?

Just take them both and then both again when the other one comes of age.

Make it a lovely family thing.

You have clearly had a very privileged upbringing OP and it seems your DDs are enjoying similar privileges. Nothing wrong with that but you do sound pretty out of touch with what is really important. Quality time with one child I think is a lovely idea but to take one child at the age of 5 to Disneyland and not the other seems wrong to me. You don't need to take your DCs to Disneyland to spend quality time with them.
Reading between the lines, this is way more about you and what you want/need rather than your children. You said yourself that they won't really remember the event so why are you taking them? You mentioned all of the times you and your siblings went away with your parents separately and it seems like you are chasing this as if you have something missing from your childhood that you are looking for?
I agree with a pp that I have no idea why you started this thread other than a big old stealth brag. You are disagreeing with everyone anyway and the majority think you're being unreasonable. But hey ho.

@Hilowmaybeno I don’t think you can take the dynamics of 4 siblings in what sounds to be a unique childhood where I assume you spent less time with parents and the birthday time was special with how you are raising your children

because I think to think everyone else is having an odd mentality means that the effect of it runs deeper maybe than you think

I would have thought a nearly 3 year old would enjoy Disney world far more than skiing to be honest

I’m not disagreeing?

I’ve accepted and presented other options in response to people’s replies?

I suggested taking DD1 alone this time then taking both girls next time with grandparents, but was told it would be unfair for DD1 to get an extra trip.

I then said okay we take both girls both times with grandparents and split off for an afternoon of one to one time with the birthday girl, I was told it was weird to want to split off at all?

Im not sure why you think I’m disagreeing when I’ve presented two updated options in direct response to the comments?

I wouldn’t do this i would want my children to experience this together and have the memories as a family. You do you but I couldn’t dream of doing this to my children.

Personally I’d take the 5 year old now, and then the 5 and 8 year old together

Oh no, my youngest is around the same age as your youngest and it's so sad that you'd want to exclude her. A nearly 3 year old would love the magic and is definitely old enough to feel sad at being left behind 😢

Both my children are similar ages to yours and, whist I do understand wanting one-on-one time, I can't wrap my head around you wanting to exclude one of them from birthday celebrations... your children are siblings, why don't you want to celebrate as a family?

It’ll be fine now. A 2 year old won’t care.

it’ll be horrendous when dd1 is 7. It might be a teaching opportunity where you realise how upset a 7 year old can get.

Why has my big sister been twice?
Why didn’t you take me on my own when i was 5?
Why did you leave me at home when I was 2 and you went to Disneyland?
Honestly it’s a terrible idea.

Why does having special time with your eldest need to be so extravagant?
Play together, bake, go to the park, you don’t need to go to Paris to have 1:1 time. I know of parents who would go to Disney because that’d be easier for them rather than the more mundane (but fun for children) playing and just spending time together.

Please excuse my language but this sounds a bit batshit.

Of course you cannot leave the 7 year old behind when the time comes to take your second daughter. She will have to come as well. And then she gets two trips and the youngest gets only one! Do something else for DD1 5th birthday and then take them both when the youngest is 5.

That's how it works when you have more than one child. Taking them to Disneyland separately is a terrible idea (but then I think DL is a terrible idea full stop😂) And have you thought that your daughter might prefer to have her sister there?

I’ve updated and said we will all go but even if we weren’t we would still celebrate as a family, we’d have a family meal etc. on the day and a birthday party for school friends.
But I have updates to say we will all go.

This is such a weird thread. It just seems to be about you and what you want.
DD1 had two years of undivided attention. DD2 has only ever known life with DD1. You can't compare Wednesday afternoons with DD2 to what DD1 experienced.
Besides, wouldn't they miss each other?

I don’t understand why you’re struggling to get 1:1 time with your DD1. You can take it in turns on weekends surely to have 1:1 time with her while the other looks after DD2. Or you say you have lots of willing babysitters, use them. Family holiday destinations are not the place for 1:1 time when you have more than one child.

I have updated to say we will all go both times.

Of course we do other things alone with DD1, but it’s definitely much harder to fit in time for DD1 alone. With work, after school clubs, hobbies etc. We spend Sundays together all 4 of us and Saturdays DH and I rotate one of us having child free time to do our own thing in the afternoon while the other is with the children but it doesn’t leave a lot of time for one to one time with DD1.

"Because you were too little the first time we went."
"Because your older sister isn't a baby like you were back then."
"We left you with grandma and grandpa because you loved staying with them, and Disney would have been too hot and tiring for a tiny child."

Honestly, do kids really interrogate their parents about decisions the parents made years in the past? And become traumatized if they don't like the responses?

It's like all these threads where kids are "devastated" to not be invited to weddings. It would not have occurred to us to question invitations or arrangements or decisions made by adults; in fact we barely would have been aware.

"We did the best we could, darling. Sometimes older kids have accumulated more experiences. As you will, as you grow older. It didn't make sense to take a baby on that particular holiday."

It’s not quite like that though it’s like “here have a car for a year then your younger sibling will get one when you don’t have it anymore and you’ll have to watch them drive around.

i get what you’re saying about needing 1:1 time but maybe something a bit more low key to match the Wednesday afternoons.

You have very different ideas about family from me. It was always very important to me that we were a family unit. Building a strong relationship between my DDs was our priority. It doesn't seem to be the same for you. I'm curious to know why it is so important to spend time with your eldest without her sister. Don't they enjoy being together?

I think you can have 1-to-1 time with your daughter and not use Disneyland for this purpose. You could send 2yo to grandparents and literally stay at home doing things with your 5yo together i.e going to local attractions, the park, swimming, whatever. Then you get that quality time without feeling you need to directly replace experience with youngest for fairness.

Save Disneyland for a family holiday - 5yo unlikely to appreciate anyway.

I’d just wait until both were at least 5 and go then.

you might find (like we did) that once is more than enough!

Absolutely agree with your in-laws. It’s a completely different situation for the two children. A 2 year old will not feel like they are missing out nor will they remember it, they won’t have a clue what is going on. A 7 year old will be absolutely devastated to miss out on a Disney trip and will remember it forever. She will be expected to listen to how amazing it was from her 5 year old sister and look at all the pictures. It’s unbelievable awful for a 7 year old and all the explanations from you won’t make a different because it really isn’t the same as a 2 year old who doesn’t have a clue what’s going on “missing out”.

Sorry OP, I think this is mean.

My DD has just turned 3 and she definitely would have been so excited if we'd taken her to Disney a few months ago, there's no way I could leave her behind.

Also there's no way you will be able to leave a 7yo behind and tbh you probably won't want to by that point anyway, so i think if you're going to do this you may as well just think of it as DD2 is a bit young to experience it fully atm so you won't take her, but then you will take them both again for her 5th birthday.

They’ll probably be orf to different boarding schools soon anyway