Who decides when a child needs a coat on?

[girlfriend44]

Waiting for the bus today. There was a child with his grandad.
The grandad wanted him to put his coat on, but he didnt want it on

An ongoing bottle ensued between the two. The mum was there as well with other children but didnt get involved.
The coat went on, then it was flung to the floor.
Grandad was met with much opposition from the child who didnt want the coat on.
Eventually grandad won, the coat went on and stayed on.
I heard the grandad say come on your not with your mum now you know, your with me,.This implied to me he was stronger than than the mum and he knew it.

It got me thinking though, who decides when a coat goes on?
Should the boy hace had the choice or was grandad right?

I’m a natural consequence person so I may say ok be cold then and they will usually end up choosing the coat.
in this situation the child was asked/ told to put their coat on by a responsible adult so they should have done.

Depends on the age of the child surely? If the child is old enough to remove their own coat I’d argue they’re probably old enough to choose. My child is 6 and I havent dictated she wears a coat for years, if she’s too hot she can take it off. I was a teacher for years and always let the KS2 kids choose if they wanted to wear their coats when I was on break duty (other teachers sent them back in to get their coats when it was their day). My 1 year old though, I decide.

The grandad was right. I’m sick of seeing inappropriately dressed children for the weather because the parents don’t want to
parent. Only in England do you see children with no coats and little girls in skirts and socks in the middle of winter. Nowhere else do a relatively large section of parents think it’s acceptable to leave the house wrapped up themselves whilst their children are not because they can’t be bothered to stand their ground.

I provide the coat. I suggest wearing it. Unless it’s dangerous not too I wouldn’t make an issue, when he is cold he will put it on.

But we both have sensory issues and coats can be an issue so it’s not worth the fight!

It’s not a battle I choose to have with DC.

Depending on their age I’d say they can carry their own coat. Might motivate them to put it on!

When my son was little he hated wearing a coat. I gave up in the end and learned to endure the open judgment from other people that my son must be a)freezing and b) that I was obviously a neglectful mother. He just didn’t like wearing a coat and he didn’t feel the cold.

He is now 27 and still hates wearing a coat. If, it is very cold he will reluctantly wear a hoodie. So the answer to your question in my case was my son decided. I hated it and still hate it though.

It depends. I was natural consequences sort of parent for ds1 &2 but ds3 needed to be told.
She was this sort not to wear a coat, get very cold, And then cry for the next three hours. So the natural consequence was I made her put ther coat on to save 3hours of having to listen to her whine.

Child decides unless mitigating circumstances. Natural consequences.

When mine were toddlers I’d make them wear coats as they otherwise didn’t notice they were getting cold. Not once they were school age. Drives me mad when you see parents sitting down wrapped up in playgrounds mithering their kids who are tearing round to put their coats on - I don’t wear a big coat to go for a run, why should kids be made to?

Depends on the age of the child. Children seem to be a lot hotter than adults as they running around so much. I know dd will shed coat, jumper and be in a t shirt as will all her friends. She's 9 and if cold will put a jumper or coat on. Old enough to decide.

What harm can not wearing a coat do?

The adult in charge. Always the adult.

Carry it or wear it, would be my options.

Not really worth getting into an argument over.

Unless it’s really raining then the child for my youngest (6) for my older child (9) it’s down to her.

I still tell my kids to wear a coat, they both have sensory issues that mean they don’t feel cold and their body temp doesn’t regulate in the same way, so even as young teenagers they’re told.

Adult insists the child takes a coat. Child decides whether to wear it.

How old was the child?
ETA: as the adult who will have to look after the child if they get sick it’s my decision how they dress. If old enough to take paracetamol etc on their own and stay home alone- they can decide.

How would i know that?

A 3 old or so looks different than a 10-11 year old

Well, a toddler clearly looks different from a 12 year old.

I heard the grandad say come on your not with your mum now you know, your with me,.This implied to me he was stronger than than the mum and he knew it

That's a bit of a leap OP!

All of my GC behave very differently with me/OH than with their parents. It's not because we are "stronger" (are you implying that he might use physical force?), it's just because they know that certain behaviour won't be tolerated by us.

Depends on the age and the temperature.

Under 7 or 8, do as they are told, you don't give them choice.
From 10 onwards, you know your kids and if they don't feel the cold or if they are just being silly.

I hate the "pick your battle", it's lazy parenting cop-out!

Obviously but you asked how old?

He wasn't a toddler older than that.
Maybe 8 to 12.

Depends on the age of the child - natural consequences etc.

When mine was a toddler I was out with him on a day when it was exactly -2 degrees and I saw parents pushing a buggy with a little girl of no more than 1 year old wearing only a T-shirt and leggings - no coat, socks, shoes, blanket - nothing. The girl was stony-faced and silent. Both parents were wearing coats, hats, scarves and gloves. I simply can’t fathom how a baby of no more than 1 year rules the roost over winter clothing, and can only presume it was neglect as they were wrapped up well themselves. I wish I had said something but I would probably have been told to p-off.

You do know being cold does not make you ill? My seven year old hasn’t worn trousers for about 2 years now - he hates them and isn’t ever cold. He’s also rarely ill but these things are not related.