Who decides when a child needs a coat on?

[girlfriend44]

Waiting for the bus today. There was a child with his grandad.
The grandad wanted him to put his coat on, but he didnt want it on

An ongoing bottle ensued between the two. The mum was there as well with other children but didnt get involved.
The coat went on, then it was flung to the floor.
Grandad was met with much opposition from the child who didnt want the coat on.
Eventually grandad won, the coat went on and stayed on.
I heard the grandad say come on your not with your mum now you know, your with me,.This implied to me he was stronger than than the mum and he knew it.

It got me thinking though, who decides when a coat goes on?
Should the boy hace had the choice or was grandad right?

Sorry what???? What century are you living in? Being cold doesn't give you a cold! Wow.

Honestly though, if they're old enough to voice a preference, they're fine. You'd be able to tell if they were physically shivering etc. Kids just don't feel the cold the same!

At that age, it’s up to the child. One of my children was always hot. He used to come out of school in winter saying he was boiling and he felt hot so I never insisted he wore a coat. If he was cold, he’d have put it on. Is it even that cold where you are yet?

You don’t get ill through not wearing a coat though . Or by getting cold.

Totally agree with this...it's a massive leap.

I've often used a similar expression when minding kids.

For example, "but your mum isn't here and she can let you jump on the bed if she wants, but you can't jump on the bed in my house, I don't want you to fall or get hurt" or same about earing ridiculous amounts of sweets or staying up all hours.

Kids will swear blind the mommy let's them do everything even when you know it'snot the case.

It's basically the same as "when you are in my care, you have to do as I say" but that's a bit sharp for kids

It takes a village... Mom's taking a (probably much needed) break.

Yes, if I was the boys mum, I’d have told grandad to leave my son alone.

Unless it’s dangerously cold, the child gets to decide.

And I’d be really unimpressed if my FIL/Dad was undermining me with phrases like “you’re with me now, not your mum, so do as you’re told”. There’s various things he could mean by that and none of them are acceptable.

I heard the grandad say come on your not with your mum now you know, your with me,.This implied to me he was stronger than than the mum and he knew it

What a fucking weird leap

I think when any adult has asked a child to do something they need to follow through and make sure it's done, even if they realise that perhaps didn't need the coat, he'd been told so he should.

I think Grandad's reference to mum was basically you'll do as you're told with me even if you don't for mum. Nothing about being "strong".

I think when any adult has asked a child to do something they need to follow through and make sure it's done, even if they realise that perhaps didn't need the coat, he'd been told so he should.

I completely disagree. Children shouldn’t be taught to mindlessly do whatever an adult tells them - not all adults will, unfortunately, have the child’s best interests at heart.

My daughter knew her mind from a young age and I could trust when she was cold she knew so I left her to it. My son seems to still have little awareness of thing like this at 6. He will be shivering and have blue lips and wont make the connection that he is cold (same the other way. Boiling hot and wouldn't think to take his coat off). Therefore I make these choices for him still at almost 7!

Unless it was an actual storm or dangerous weather then I've alwasy let mine choose.

My DD used to take her snowsuit off from about 2yo. I'm strict about correct footwear if we are going somewhere and I awlasy have clothes for them but I'd not distant the need for a coat. If they are cold they'll out it on.

Healthy children don't get sick from short exposure to cold weather!

Why do people always say “getting cold doesn’t make you ill”?

I vividly remember being an idiot young teenager and hurling ourself down a snow covered hill over and over with barely any clothes on. We got soaked and I was so ill the next day from it. I knew it was from that and felt like an idiot, I was so sick. If you get cold and wet enough you will be ill from it.

IIRC it's not that being cold gives you a cold, it's that the cold virus survives better at cold temperatures and also I think your body uses up energy keeping warm that it could use to fight the virus.

I generally let my primary age DC decide whether they wear their coats or not as long as they take their coats with them to school. The only thing I am really fussy about is making them wear their proper chunky trainers instead of flimsy ones when it's cold or wet.

Because it doesn't.

Being cold can weaken your immune system and make you more susceptible to illness, but it doesn't actually make you sick.

Oh look another England bashing post. Insert any other nationality and out come the screams of racism. Why is the English that are fair game and have to put up with the insults?

If they're walking and old enough to keep taking it off then it's up to them. I feel the cold but my kids never did. It was a pointless battle making them wear one when they weren't cold.

It annoyed me when my child used to tell me there was at least one teacher at primary school (possibly more I can't remember) who used to make her wear her coat at play time, even when it wasn't proper winter or anything. She's not one that feels the cold and this was even in the older years of primary.

Depends on the age but my 5 year DS has the choice to wear a coat or not. He’s still in shorts for school too (although we do have specific reasons for that) if he’s cold he’ll wear it eventually 🤷🏼‍♀️

What do you actually think will happen to the child though if they get a bit cold? And what actual difference does it make to your life?

I am on the natural consequences side. If a child is old enough to decide they don't want to wear a coat, then 🤷‍♀️ If they get cold, they'll put it on.

And that's regardless of all the children with sensory needs. My own DD really struggles with most clothes. She was still wearing a thin summer dress to school until the end of last term. I didn't actually think I would be able to get her to wear trousers again (she literally hasn't worn any since February), but I have just about managed to get her to start wearing one particular form of soft, baggy, harem trousers to school. She won't wear tights, leggings or even jogging bottoms.

if the no jacket didn't cause the pneumonia why are you now less relaxed about it?

This. Surely people know that it's only pathogens (viruses, fungi, bacteria) that make people sick?

There has been research to show that having a cold nose can make it easier for pathogens to enter, but the cold by itself can't make you ill.

We’ve just had the 3 Gdcs for 3 nights and 2 (sunny but chilly) days out. They are constantly running about and hardly ever want coats on* so I don’t insist, but take them anyway, in case, stuffed into a large bag and dh’s light backpack.

*the only time I can remember was a sunless midwinter day in riverside central London with a bitter wind blowing.

Depends how cold it is and how old the child is. I live in a country that gets properly cold, small children definitely cannot decide not to wear a coat when its -20 outside (except for brief periods of time - DD did like to run outside in her pyjamas to check if it really was cold) but if its above zero and they're older than about 6 or so, and they're not going to be outside too long then might as well let them choose. But after the first 6 years of being dressed properly for all weathers it tends to be quite deeply instilled in them to wear coats when its cold and that usually lasts until they're teens and looking cool takes over.

Perfectly natural irrationality!