Who decides when a child needs a coat on?

[girlfriend44]

Waiting for the bus today. There was a child with his grandad.
The grandad wanted him to put his coat on, but he didnt want it on

An ongoing bottle ensued between the two. The mum was there as well with other children but didnt get involved.
The coat went on, then it was flung to the floor.
Grandad was met with much opposition from the child who didnt want the coat on.
Eventually grandad won, the coat went on and stayed on.
I heard the grandad say come on your not with your mum now you know, your with me,.This implied to me he was stronger than than the mum and he knew it.

It got me thinking though, who decides when a coat goes on?
Should the boy hace had the choice or was grandad right?

Both mine have sensory issues with coats.
They have a choice - deal with the issues of wearing a coat, or deal with the issues of being cold. They are old enough to choose whichever is the least difficult option that day

You clearly haven't had a hot blooded, sensory child.

I was once sworn at in the street because my then 7yo was wearing shorts on a cold winter's day. DS was perfectly happy. He'd have made it very clear to the world if he was uncomfortable! He didn't deserve to hear swear words directed at his mum from an idiot who ironically hadn't covered his skinhead with a hat
From about 4 after a couple of years of constant battles I accepted that my role was to provide the garments, advise and have them accessible, but I gave up the fighting and we were all happier for it. He hasn't owned casual trousers for about a decade now.

On thermal imaging cameras, DS glows hotter than the rest of the family. He is objectively warmer and needs fewer layers. He's also sensitive to getting overheated and goes faint easily from it

Now he's a teenager, it's more acceptable to the world that he only wear t-shirts and shorts 95% of the time. I remember being his age and needing far fewer layers than I do now. We all feel heat/ cold differently and should dress to our needs not an arbitary formula.

You don’t catch a cold from getting cold. While the immune system gets a bit suppressed from being cold, it’s only a virus or bacteria that will actually make you ill.

DS is very rarely ill despite the shorts and t-shirts.

At that age they are plenty old enough to decide if they need a coat on or not.

My kids wear coats when I tell them to now. In the past i gave them the choice told them its cold they disagreed chose not to wear it and then ruined many outings whinging how cold they where constantly

I always send my child to school wearing his coat, but I know that he hasn't been wearing it during break times as he gets too hot, whereas for me it feels really cold some days. Age is relevant here too.

Gosh, 8 to 12 - totally their own decision whether to wear a coat but the alternative is to carry it/ knot it round their waist.

You can’t force a child that age to wear their coat. But equally too old to be flinging it on the floor.

It seems really odd that they grandad was having this battle whilst the actual parent said stood there too.

It just feels like an unnecessary battle to me. It’s England, it’s warm enough that I’ve been out all day with a fairly thin jumper and jeans on, so the child probably didn’t want a coat on as they were about to get onto a bus.

My view is that coats (or whatever the item or clothing is) are available for the child and they can have the autonomy to put it on. There are some exceptions but in general it’s an easy way to start teaching independence.

Yep mum let grandad get on with it.

being cold does not cause illness. https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/cold-weather-doesnt-cause-colds-heres-what-does

I would have just let them carry it, if they get cold enough, they will put it on I’m sure!

I hardly ever wear a coat. I hate the feeling of being bulked up (autistic, it’s a sensory thing).

I also just don’t get cold easily. I’ve had the windows and doors open today to my husbands horror!

Yes definitely some children will need to be made to wear one!

but in general (for me) under about 3 ME 3+ them. But depends on the child, the situation etc

If the Mum in the OP would have let the child not wear it, she should have spoken up. Some people (like me!) over heat very easily & it's horrible. Far far worse than being a bit chilly.

As far as I know I'm not Autistic ( but I have my suspicions!!) but I hate being bulked up too!! & over heat easily!!

also had the windows & door open today (but no DH to complain🤣🤣)

I insist if it’s raining and they’ll be stuck in the same wet clothes for hours which will ruin the day but I don’t have to insist very hard because they do understand why they’re being told to put it on. Otherwise not. If they’re cold they’ll want to wear it. If they’re not cold then they don’t need it. Seems weird that the grandad was trying to insist before getting on a bus…
Obviously that applies to children and not babies/young toddlers without reasoning or any sense. When DD was around 1 I had to buy her a coat that had fold over mittens on the sleeves because she would not keep them on and at the time we lived in Chicago so it was properly arctic and she couldn’t go without.

Free choice is great until you have 3+ kids on a cold day, all refusing to wear coats, so you either trudge along carrying everyone's coats or you take them at their word and leave coats at home/in the car, then you have 3+ kids moaning they're freezing cold. Been there, not fun

My son has a friend who's mum was ALWAYS getting stick from strangers about how her daughter should be wearing a coat/gloves/hat/tights etc and she found it really hard when people didn't believe that she wasn't cold. Now she's in her late teens and she walked past my house this morning in a vest and short shorts, happy as Larry.

Unless there are other issues at play, I will never understand why a parent would insist that their child ignores their own feelings and dress according to someone else's.

I used to be one for letting kids feel the cold and make the decision themselves, but then one of mine got pneumonia (not because of no jacket!) and I didn’t feel so relaxed about it any more.

It’s about safety

If a child can be without their coat and not get ridiculously cold, let the child decide. If it isn’t safe, the adult insists

Will it's one of those that everyone differs on really isn't it

I had/have a stubborn child
I let her decide
It's one where you pick your battle with certain children (in my opinion)
But I'm sure when she was toddler people probably did judge when they saw her without a coat on in the cold!
But I didn't care to be honest

I can’t wear jumpers either, I can wear cardigans if they’re not done up though!

I let child decide. I will say I live in an Eastern European country and it's baffling. Kids have hats and coats on even if hot day but in month of Feb. I let my 5 year old take his hat off at school and a letter was sent home to ask other parents if children could make such a decision. They also don't drink drinks from the fridge in winter....as in you go to a restaurant and will be asked do you want a cold drink

A baby or toddler ,I decide. Once old enough to take coat off they decide,natural consequences!

Let the child decide.

My 5 year old will still insist he's fine while literally shivering, so sometimes I insist on the coat. (I.e. if he's been ill or it's particularly cold).
I'll usually suggest he wears a coat if I'm wearing one, but if the decision could go either way wouldn't force the issue.

Common sense, surely?