To not allow 14 y/o go camping with friends no adults

[steadyinvolvement]

My son’s friends have been going camping together for years without adults and I’ve always said no. I’m talking in fields locally sometimes on near a local area forest where people have literally gone missing. But im the only one who doesnt allow it. I feel really bad and also like im crazy.

Today he’s asked again this time the kids are going to a field in the Lake District about 50 minutes from us, I have no idea if there would be signal and it just seems so insane to me. But out of a group of 9 boys I’m the only parent who says no!

Good god no way ! Exclaiming that i am sure 1 of mine did this at 14/15 but saying they were staying over at a friend's there was whispers of kids in tents in fields at the time.

I meant to say at least your son is honest with you, but i think you are right not to allow it.

Definitely not. Can they camp in your garden?

Mine did this at 16

Yes you’re right I am grateful for that. I do think they are nice boys he’s with and they wouldn’t be drinking or anything but anything could happen. Bad things happens to adults all the time.

i wouldn’t mind if they were in a garden or someone’s land or an adult was there.

it’s really crazy I feel like I’ve lost my mind. I’m not even very overprotective parent 😂

I think 16 minimum for this if no adults anywhere near. You say they have been doing this for years? So from 10/11 years old. This sounds a bit like a tale for telling to me - like my 10yo daughter telling me all her friends have mobile phones and all allowed to go out on own to park etc.

You are the parent to your child and have said no, that is all you need to worry about. I have let my 14 year old go camping with no adults and let my DS1 and DS2 do the same when they were that age. You make the decisions for your child and let others do the same.

I’ve tried this but they’ve been camping further and further away from home for years and won’t do the garden anymore so my son is always left behind.

Agree I think when he’s 16 would be ok with it.

16 feels right to me. These kids have been doing it since they were about 12.

Absolutely no way imo

Actually tbh my son went camping not very long ago and he's the same age. I wasn't super comfortable with it but they're all pretty sensible and Actually it's a pretty nice, wholesome activity. I can be quite over protective about a lot of things but I also thought I need to be careful not to deprive him of valuable experiences. Also if his friends have gone a few times it sounds like they know what they're doing.

No way, I think 14 would be considered too young to stay overnight in the house without an adult, let alone in a tent in a forest.

It might help to think about things from different angles:

eg.

If not now, then when? If not this, then what? If not with them, then with who?

It can help calibrate your thinking. So if this one, you’re thinking he's too young now. In four years time he’ll be 18 and can do it anyway. What does he need to learn life skills wise to hit the point where it would be ok. What stepping stone activities might be suitable? What check in arrangements might help?

(And tough as it is, on the going missing front, a group of teenage boys is about as low risk as it gets unless their plan is to play extreme hide and seek. A significant proportion of people who go missing in woodlands do so deliberately of their own accord rather than it being a third party).

Lake District Camping info

Seems like a regular thing people do.

Can you talk to some other parents about it?

My first motherly thought was “no way” but maybe it’s exactly the sort of thing young boys should be doing?

I used to do this as a child - I think from about age 12 with a group of friends, all girls. However, we would camp on the land of one of the group's parents so there was always a door to knock on (and no doubt a watchful eye over us) if needed.

Out in the wild I would say 14 is too young for this. Might be a bit safer on a campsite but I can't imagine any campsite would take a party of unsupervised 14 year olds.

Why would they want to camp in someone's garden when they've been out camping properly (the whole point of camping) for years?

Mine did from about that age. They were Scouts or army cadets and all sensible about the country code etc. They had to have tracker on and a plan for if help was needed. It’s a great experience and I would much rather that than going into the city.

You clearly are an overprotective parent, if all his mate's parents are fine with it and you're the only one preventing their child from joining in the fun.

The more you prevent him from doing (reasonable) things his peers are allowed to do, the sooner he'll simply stop telling you the truth about what he's doing.

Camping isn't going to become magically safer in two years time, nor is his judgement going to get significantly better. The closer they all get to 18 the more likely that booze etc will be a part of these trips.

I mean, the famous five were literally rowing out to and camping on islands at that age if not younger... 😜

My DD was always off camping, has been since about 13, she's an adult now. But I don't see what the issue is, there's a group of them, what on earth do you think is going to happen? Solo camping, no. But in a group? At what point are you going to let go?

I did this at 14 with a group of friends, all girls, in the woods. A couple of us had been camping for years with parents so we knew how to put up tent, use the stove etc. we only did 1 night though, if that makes a difference? By 16 we were doing longer but staying at campsites as we wanted showers by then. We always had a mobile phone or 2 in the group and were a sensible group of friends.

And think of all the weirdos and criminals they stumbled across in that time...

Swallows and Amazons were fine.
I wish I had been invited at that age, but I only went with Scouts. Luckily I was allowed to go out all day to wherever I wanted.
Let him go it will be good for him.

I would allow it.

We wrap teenagers in cotton wool and don’t allow them to take risks and responsibility. Then we’re surprised when, at 18, they can’t get a job or fend for themselves. They only become sensible adults if you start to treat them as adults around this age.

Both my boys were camping locally with friends at 14. I gave them a lecture about staying together, being sensible with campfires etc, and what to do in the event of an emergency. The chances of a group of 14 yo boys being attacked by a maniac in the middle of the night is so slim as to be ridiculous!