To not allow 14 y/o go camping with friends no adults

[steadyinvolvement]

My son’s friends have been going camping together for years without adults and I’ve always said no. I’m talking in fields locally sometimes on near a local area forest where people have literally gone missing. But im the only one who doesnt allow it. I feel really bad and also like im crazy.

Today he’s asked again this time the kids are going to a field in the Lake District about 50 minutes from us, I have no idea if there would be signal and it just seems so insane to me. But out of a group of 9 boys I’m the only parent who says no!

THings are more likely to get out of control with a prolonged period of no supervision.

I have said no to similar for my son. At 15 I did some very silly things and put myself in some incredibly risky situations all whilst lying to my parents. I'm fortunate nothing terrible beyond a sprained ankle occurred but it does make me reflect on how invincible and lacking in caution teens can be, especially if drinking. We try to have open conversations and compromise e.g. You can go along but not stay out all night.

There's not a snowballs chance I'd let mine go. Good decision op

Better drowned than duffers … if not duffers, won’t drown …

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5437222-helping-drunk-14-year-old-in-field?reply=148235949

This thread posted today is the reason I'd say no. My son is sensible as hell, but I was too. I still did daft shit all the time that my mum had no idea about.

We went in a group from when we were 15/16 (would have been early 90s). BUT it was to a campsite, so I suppose that there would have been someone on-site in case of any issues. We played beach rounders, made burgers, and played cards. So very rock and roll! Maybe if there was a site with supervision, or on someone's land?

My judgement and maturity was pretty different between 14 and 16? 2 years IS a long time at thst age.

I think 16 is about right.

I always felt sorry for Bridget…🤣

I always felt sorry for Bridget…

She had her moment in Secret Water - and she was still only about five, wasn't she, younger than Roger was in S&A.

I’m shocked by the replies. This idea is so nuts there’s absolutely no way. Most people on MM wouldn’t leave there 13 year old overnight but a 14 year old can go camping 50 minutes away? No way. So much can go wrong. They’ll likely start a fire and be responsible for managing and putting it out. They’ll be camping near trees and have no method of transport or skills to cope if someone gets hurt. There’s a risk of no mobile reception - do you even know of they’re planning to go somewhere with reception? Even if it’s the plan reception can be unexpectedly lost as you enter less densely populated eras. There’s a very real chance they someone will bring alcohol which they are far too young for. They need to be aware of where to camp to avoid falling tree branches, flooding and compliance with laws. They could attract the attention of older and more dangerous men and women have the option of a locked door or any means of escape.

The idea of leaving a group of 14 year old boys on their own in the wilderness without transport or a lockable door and armed with matches to start a fire is crazy. If something goes wrong then you could be quite sure of being prosecuted for neglect as this is far outside of the norm and obviously unsafe.

The idea of leaving a group of 14 year old boys on their own in the wilderness without transport or a lockable door and armed with matches to start a fire is crazy.

Good grief. Is this a genuine post? What a lot of OTT panic.

How do you think 14yos managed in the days of coal fires and gas stoves that had to be lit with a match?

This is how we end up with so many anxious, infantilised, incompetent young people.

Quite a lot of people suffered from domestic accidents, burns and so on during those days? Take a look at some of the history of organisations like ROSPA (Royal society for the prevention of accidents) and their historical data.

Domestic accidents still caused thousands and thousands of serious injuries well into the late twentieth century — rates many many more times higher than today. Why do you think there were so many television campaigns about safety at home and matches, bleach, scalds, kettle leads, fires, chip pans, disposing of fire ashes and so on throughout the sixties, seventies and eighties?

I do think Mumsnet is another universe sometimes. Are people really not bringing their kids up to know these things?
"They will be camping near trees". Good grief, there are trees in the countryside, who'd have thunk it.
I can see how people's kids end up at uni with no idea how to boil an egg or clean a bathroom.
Fgs sign your kids up to scouts or similar if you aren't handy yourselves . Teach them how to read a map, light a fire safely, stay warm, first aid, swim, be safe around water and other basic skills. RNLI for swim safe if you are on the coast.

Are people really not bringing their kids up to know these things?

Or expecting their offspring to be able to work things out for themselves.

There was a thread once where the op's 12yo was stropping because the tights she wanted hadn't been washed. Obvious solution, one would think - she washes them herself. But several posters -

'Has she ever been shown how to wash a pair of tights, OP?'

My son and a group of his friends did the West Highland Way when they were 15. We were nervous but they had it all planned and so we agreed. They had a great time and talk about it even now. I think it depends on how sensible they are and where they will be camping.

Tbf, I'd prefer to teach things like safely building a fire or identifying a rip tide. But washing a pair of tights... they should be able to figure that one out!

And never come to any harm?

16 yes

Genuine question. If there was an accident/incident could parents be charged with child neglect/endangerment? Especially if initially you said no, too dangerous but then allowed them to go??

You have to let them take smaller risks whilst young, in order to give them the skills to evaluate and navigate bigger risks when they are older.
They don't just become fully formed and good to go at 18. I do wonder if this is how people, young men especially, end up injuring themselves or worse doing stupid things. They need to be allowed to risk burning their fingers at an earlier age.

I mean, yes it's way too young to be solo camping but you don't allow a 10 year old to go by themselves to the park?!

I’m a really chilled out parent, encourage my kids to play out, i
give them a lot of freedom as I believe this is good for them (they are 12 and 10) however there’s no way I would let either of them camp out somewhere at 14/15 on their own.
They have probably camped around 50 times over the last 10 years too so know what it’s all about but it would be a definite no from me.

Aww they want to live the Famous Five dream! I totally get that! Will they have a dog with them as I think that would make me feel better about it.

It's really cold at this time of year though, and dark for a longer period of time than in summer. I'd be saying wait till next summer if it was me.

Safer them doing that than spending a night on an unsupervised and open internet connection tbh.

I think you'd have to prove actual neglect. There's no hard and fast rules about leaving your child alone at 14 and the OP's child wouldn't be alone.
I guess neglect would be if you knew said child wasn't capable, didn't provide adequate equipment, knew the weather or terrain would be hostile. That type of thing. But the NSPCC just states leaving a child home alone under 12 isn't advisable. Personally I feel a child would be better age 14 in a field with friends, than maybe at home age 12, alone in an isolated house.

Is he used to camping?

The Lake District is very cold, wet and dark this time of year. He would need a sleeping bag suited to winter camping, down jacket, thermal layers for nightime. Make sure boys can put tents up properly on their own. Personally I'd not be keen. Unless a trusted adult was with them, or lived within a couple of miles of campsite. If your son hasn't wild camped in autumn before, I'd say no!