AIBU for redecorating our home without telling my partner?

[SecretDecorator]

I may have gone a bit overboard. Over the past week, I’ve bought:

• Bathroom wallpaper (the walls were badly done and really needed updating)
• Bedroom wallpaper (there’s currently a horrible print on the wall that does not suit the room)
• Paint (for the doors which have coloured splashes from previous bad decorating I need to sand and repaint)
• Laminate flooring (the carpets are grim, stained with paint and threadbare)
• A writing desk (currently using our dining table as a desk so needed something smaller)
• Two bedside lamps (we only have one at the moment and it does not match anything)
• New bedding (the old stuff was very bright and childish did not look nice)

Total spent so far: over £1,000 but he would be furious if he knew the real cost.

It’s technically my own money but it is our home and my partner sees money as shared. He’s always told me to consult him if I’m spending more than £20 so yes I’ve definitely broken that rule and I’m fairly sure he would be furious if he found out.

What makes it harder is that he spends his own money without asking me but nothing like this scale! I swear I will pay the account back and not buy anything more for months.

AIBU for redecorating our home without discussing it first? How would you tell him!

AIBVU

Consult him if you spend over £20 .

Could you convince him it was done as part of one of those 24 hour DIY makeover shows you used to get? Tell him it'll be on telly next year and hope he forgets about it?

You’ve spent a shit ton of money on stuff to upgrade the house in ways your partner might not want nor agree with. Who does that? Whose house is it? Do you own it equally? You say it’s your money but that sounds like you think you can use it to ride roughshod over what he wants your home to look like. It’s a power move and it’s gross. You need explain the £20 rule though because that sounds gross too.

Yes lying. What an awesome idea. No drawbacks there.

The £20 thing is weird as fuck. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, unless you have previous for running up credit card debts or gambling.

Anyway I despise decorating so YABU.

Does he not live there?? Really shitty to do all that without telling him, and just plain weird too.

So you have to ask him if you spend money but he doesn't ask you?
There is definitely something wrong in your relationship there OP.

Actually for me it wouldn't be the money spent that would be the main issue . It would be that in a joint home their should be discussions about what decor to have.

Well you seem to be more concerned about your DP’s reaction to the cost rather than the actual redecorating but how are you planning to do it so that he won’t notice and therefore realise what you have spent?
However, your saying that you have to consult him on anything over £20 sounds extremely controlling which is more worrying.

the title says you have redecorated but it sounds like all you have done so far is purchase stuff. Who is doing the actual decorating? Presumably he is going to notice when someone starts stripping walls. What prompted the purchase without telling him first? Is it not something you have been talking about doing? The spending limit is a bit much

Well if you have to consult him on spending money but he doesn’t for you then I’d say the bathroom wallpaper is the least of your problems. The fact that you’re doing this really doesn’t indicate a healthy relationship.

That is toxic and financially controlling.
He sounds like a nasty prick.

Ooooo I’m a fan of laminate and LVT!
WTAF re asking for spends over £20!!
YANBU… he is VU

I would be writing a list of all the times he’s spent more than £20 without consulting you.

He sounds awful so I’m not going to tell you you’ve been unreasonable to spend your own money on making your surroundings more pleasant.

However I will question why you’re with someone who expects you to consult on expenditure of more than £20

Consulting him for expenditure over £20 is ridiculous - did you agree to that? Very odd.

More broadly, it’s your shared home; I’d be very upset if my partner did not consult me on how it was decorated etc. that’s really inconsiderate in my view. You don’t sound like you are operating as a team.

So many questions. Have you actually decorated? Will he realise that you have spent more than £20? Why do you have to consult him about spending more than £20? Does he have to consult you? What happens if he doesn't like it?

You can't spend more than £20 without asking his permission????

WTF did I just read?

I can see consulting a spouse on big purchases, like what you spent on decor.

But he sounds very financially controlling, especially with the double standard involved that he doesn't have to get your permission.

Financial control is the problem, not home improvements.

Sorry you can’t spend more than £20 without his say so? And he can spend what he wants. That’s financial abuse.

why are you even with him

If you have previously tried to consult him over decorating the home and he hasn’t engaged then no you’re not unreasonable.
Dh and I normally discuss wallpaper and flooring but he wouldn’t much care if I made a unilateral decision.
It’s the financial control that’s worrying.
I spend more than dh on clothes and household items, he spends far more on eating out - neither of us complain.

I’d be annoyed if my husband decorated our house workout getting my input, as it’s our shared space and I want a ‘say’ too.

However that feels irrelevant when you’re not allowed to spend your own money without consulting him. That’s financially controlling, and not a relationship you should be in.

I lied terribly to a friend once because the friendship (we were best friends and flatmates) was so stifling and controlling I genuinely didn’t see any other way. Our friendship ended

the fact that you have done this says so much about the relationship

i think this is VU!

i just rock up home with new wallpaper, paint, decor whenever i feel like it.
my DP does not care about what the house is decorated like at all, so doesnt bother at all when when these things happen. just rolls his eyes and lets me get on with it.

id never even think to consult him what i spent my money on. 20 quid or 200

I don't ask permission, I just decorate. I have photos of husband standing in the middle of a room wondering what's different.

I'd be telling him to piss off if I had to consult him on spending over 20 quid as well. He doesn't know how much money is in my bank account and me his.

@SecretDecorator I don’t see it as a big deal, yes it’s nice to get his input but chances are he won’t want to spend any money.

As other have said the £20 rule is odd and he sounds controlling.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make the house look nice and that’s all you are trying to do.

I’m always buying bedding or swapping out cushions. I don’t think my husband has ever noticed. He might notice if I change the wall colour but he would never flip out xx