AIBU for redecorating our home without telling my partner?

[SecretDecorator]

I may have gone a bit overboard. Over the past week, I’ve bought:

• Bathroom wallpaper (the walls were badly done and really needed updating)
• Bedroom wallpaper (there’s currently a horrible print on the wall that does not suit the room)
• Paint (for the doors which have coloured splashes from previous bad decorating I need to sand and repaint)
• Laminate flooring (the carpets are grim, stained with paint and threadbare)
• A writing desk (currently using our dining table as a desk so needed something smaller)
• Two bedside lamps (we only have one at the moment and it does not match anything)
• New bedding (the old stuff was very bright and childish did not look nice)

Total spent so far: over £1,000 but he would be furious if he knew the real cost.

It’s technically my own money but it is our home and my partner sees money as shared. He’s always told me to consult him if I’m spending more than £20 so yes I’ve definitely broken that rule and I’m fairly sure he would be furious if he found out.

What makes it harder is that he spends his own money without asking me but nothing like this scale! I swear I will pay the account back and not buy anything more for months.

AIBU for redecorating our home without discussing it first? How would you tell him!

So have you told him the 20 quid rule is done with?

He just needs to deal with it

My husband also doesn't really care aboyt the wallpaper or the pattern of the curtains, so to be honest I don't really consult him about those but I certainly would discuss any significant expenditure and would also expect him to do likewise.

But have you got his agreement that you both understand expecting to consult on spending above £20 was ridiculous in the first place?

He’s always told me to consult him if I’m spending more than £20 so yes I’ve definitely broken that rule and I’m fairly sure he would be furious if he found out

And what did you say in return? I would have died laughing at him, and just played it as a funny joke. Because that is abusive. No one would agree to this.

That £20 rule is insane.

Do you share all your bank accounts? Do you earn the same?

Sounds like an odd relationship.

God no not being unreasonable - I’m always buying stuff for the house. I consult him if I’m not sure on something or I can’t decide but for the most part he doesn’t really mind/ care. I’d consult for a big purchase like a sofa or dining table but not for lamps

You’re completely fucking unreasonable to do this without consultation but then I read you are expected to consult him if you spend over £20! Therefore, I would have done as you have.

What kind of life is it where you have to consult ( means have permission) to spend above £20? It would be 🖕🏻. Enjoy your wallpaper.

@SecretDecorator
Are you seriously going to put up wallpaper in your bathroom? My parents did that (in the 70s) and had carpet in the bathroom too.

my husabnd would never engage and our home became a dump and I had a catastrophic mental breakdwon

I had a mental breakdwon partly due to the state of our house and my husabnd wouldnt engage with anything to do with decorating or house repairs I wish id been like you and just doen it

He is financially controlling. Tell him you’ll spend what you want from your own money. Hardly like you’re being reckless buying designer handbags etc.