Page 9 | Would you/have you spent hundreds on a prom dress?

Howinthehelldidthishappen · 30/10/2025 06:31

I spent £26 on vinted for my daughter. She was happy, I was happy, she looked amazing.

CoffeeCantata · 30/10/2025 07:16

I feel like an Old Testament prophet crying in the wilderness! I hate the import of this American custom. Luckily for my children it came too late, but as a teacher I saw the fuss, the wild expense and the upset it caused. At the comp where I worked we even had kids arriving by helicopter on the playing fields just to be one-up on those in the stretch limos. The head allowed this, the idiot.

To me it’s just one more way to brutally underline the difference between the haves and have-nots and commercially it exploits the insecurities of teenagers and their families’ wish to indulge them.

I’m truly shocked at the sums mentioned on here. I think it’s giving an unhealthy message to young women in particular about where their personal value lies. Sure - many teenagers like to dress up to the nines, but do that outside school and in clothes from ordinary high-street shops - not the sort of gear and budgets Hollywood stars have. It’s the ‘school-sanctioned’ bling etc that I think is dodgy.

Call me a puritan - I don’t care. But I do care about the message these overblown events are putting across.

RessicaJabbit · 30/10/2025 07:23

Hortesne · 30/10/2025 00:00

Mumsnetters are funny. They all go on about having loads of money but refuse to spend any of it on the first key social occasion their children will attend. They also all have very cheap weddings and walk down the aisle in charity shop dresses, and buy their children toothbrushes and sensible winter coats for Xmas. I sometimes wonder why they bother having all this money, if they won't even spend it on nice stuff for important events. Do they just find joy in looking at the money in their bank accounts? It's oddly puritanical.

No. They just don't fall for the SM hype that convinces you that this is an extremely important event that needs to be made into a huge expensive thing.

Spending £1000 on a party doesn't mean you love your child more than the person who spent £50.

SharonEllis · 30/10/2025 07:27

CoffeeCantata · 30/10/2025 07:16

I feel like an Old Testament prophet crying in the wilderness! I hate the import of this American custom. Luckily for my children it came too late, but as a teacher I saw the fuss, the wild expense and the upset it caused. At the comp where I worked we even had kids arriving by helicopter on the playing fields just to be one-up on those in the stretch limos. The head allowed this, the idiot.

To me it’s just one more way to brutally underline the difference between the haves and have-nots and commercially it exploits the insecurities of teenagers and their families’ wish to indulge them.

I’m truly shocked at the sums mentioned on here. I think it’s giving an unhealthy message to young women in particular about where their personal value lies. Sure - many teenagers like to dress up to the nines, but do that outside school and in clothes from ordinary high-street shops - not the sort of gear and budgets Hollywood stars have. It’s the ‘school-sanctioned’ bling etc that I think is dodgy.

Call me a puritan - I don’t care. But I do care about the message these overblown events are putting across.

Couldn't agree more. The schools should do something about curtailing the excesses. My daughter didn't go to her second prom as she just didn't feel part of the culture of it.its a communal event, not a private party so should be a bit more inclusive.

Achewyhamster · 30/10/2025 07:30

clickyteeclick · 30/10/2025 06:07

This is fascinating! Could read a whole post just about your situation with her…she sounds like Veruca Salt! 🍫

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I did put up a post once about her awful behaviour and got my arse handed to me-it was all my fault for being the bitch of a stepmother and she was the dainty and innocent angel who'd done nothing wrong

Even though I outlined her nasty behaviour (and left a lot out)-in rl I had people telling me to leave dp and leave them to it,she was that bad and he was that wet

She tried her best to break dp and I up and was almost successful

Ended with her finding some 'personal photos' on the computer and sending them to her mother,my family and my friends (im nc with my narc family but they where delighted with these pictures as they hate me and then passed them on to friends,who passed them onto friends etc,my friends alerted me to what shed done)

They ended up on the internet,but I'm the one in the wrong

Just recently,her granny (my mil) has been very ill and in hospital

It's a long story but mil has ended up in a care home for a few weeks (self funded) at a cost of 2k a week

On finding this figure out,instead of just being relived granny is in the best place and getting better,she was heard to snarl 'that's all well and good,but what about my inheritance?'

I cannot stand her

Bootsies · 30/10/2025 07:35

Dramatic · 29/10/2025 20:07

My daughter is in year 11 and a lot of her friends have already started shopping or already bought their prom dresses. Some have spent hundreds (£350-£500) and their parents have actually taken out payment plans or loans to get them....this seems insane to me? Are shops just ripping people off? Just seems like a ridiculous amount of money for a dress to be worn for a couple of hours.

When I got my 18yo her prom dress we went to an ex display shop and paid around £50 for a gorgeous dress.

this is mental. we got from from an ASOS sale for £15. I would never spend that sort of money on a prom dress for a teen.

Cerrang · 30/10/2025 07:36

We spent £80 on the dress then £25 on shoes from Linzi. She had her own jewellery. No limos etc. Her friends were the same. This is at a London private school with some exceptionally wealthy parents. Going OTT was def not the thing.

Skethylita · 30/10/2025 07:40

Hortesne · 30/10/2025 00:00

Mumsnetters are funny. They all go on about having loads of money but refuse to spend any of it on the first key social occasion their children will attend. They also all have very cheap weddings and walk down the aisle in charity shop dresses, and buy their children toothbrushes and sensible winter coats for Xmas. I sometimes wonder why they bother having all this money, if they won't even spend it on nice stuff for important events. Do they just find joy in looking at the money in their bank accounts? It's oddly puritanical.

It's a rich people mindset we should all emulate. People with money generally hang onto it and invest it, they do not spend it. It's how they accumulate wealth in the first place.

I made my daughter's prom dress from scratch. Cost me around £45 in fabric and materials, and around 3 months in time to fit it around my busy full-time job and other duties. I used my old wedding jewellery for gems. We found charity shop shoes and a charity shop clutch bag and she got driven in an old car my ex husband arranged. Make-up and hair were done at home, by her. She was well-behaved enough that prom was free for her as a school reward. So around £60 all in.

RosesAndHellebores · 30/10/2025 07:44

CoffeeCantata · 30/10/2025 07:16

I feel like an Old Testament prophet crying in the wilderness! I hate the import of this American custom. Luckily for my children it came too late, but as a teacher I saw the fuss, the wild expense and the upset it caused. At the comp where I worked we even had kids arriving by helicopter on the playing fields just to be one-up on those in the stretch limos. The head allowed this, the idiot.

To me it’s just one more way to brutally underline the difference between the haves and have-nots and commercially it exploits the insecurities of teenagers and their families’ wish to indulge them.

I’m truly shocked at the sums mentioned on here. I think it’s giving an unhealthy message to young women in particular about where their personal value lies. Sure - many teenagers like to dress up to the nines, but do that outside school and in clothes from ordinary high-street shops - not the sort of gear and budgets Hollywood stars have. It’s the ‘school-sanctioned’ bling etc that I think is dodgy.

Call me a puritan - I don’t care. But I do care about the message these overblown events are putting across.

I couldn't agree more. I also wonder if there's an inverse relationship between income and the amounts spent on frocks and limos.

DD's independent had an end of school party. Some of the DC had been at the school since they were four. It was in a marquee, parents were invited from 7 to 8.30 for drinks and a brief speech. The girls were allowed plus ones for the dancing that started at about 8.45/9 but few engaged with that. At DS's school, again there was a marquee on school grounds and a dinner, also including parents, dancing afterwards.

They dressed up but mostly it was competitive underspending. Someone wore a vintage slip, someone else wore docs, dd bought heels from the charity shop. They did their own hair and make-up and even though a couple of parents actually owned helicopters and one or two had drivers, the most extravagant mode of transport was uber.

These were girls whose parents, ten years ago, had £16k pa to spare on their education, alongside their sisters and/or brothers. Yhe end of their education heralded the start of far more exciting things to come.

Cerrang · 30/10/2025 07:50

My ‘controversial’ opinion is that OTT prom outfits, flash cars etc are as tacky as hell. And the results are no better than a more humble approach; the opposite is probably true. And in many cases it is about the parents rather then the young people involved.

vivainsomnia · 30/10/2025 07:50

My priority when my kids came close to the end of year 11 was to install in them that they need to start looking for part time work to start after gcse.

I felt they would gain more by focusing on the notion of making money and saving than spending a stupid amount of money on a one off event.

I bet none of these kids would want to spend that amount of money of it was their hard earn funds saved over months!

x2boys · 30/10/2025 08:01

RessicaJabbit · 29/10/2025 20:44

No no...the dinner dance at 16 in the school hall was a ONCE IN A LIFETIME thing. Never again will she be at a school and leave it and have a party...

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Well tbf it is for a lot of kids ,loads of schools only go up to year 11 and many kids dont go to university.

Flipthrfhxsd · 30/10/2025 08:02

My daughter did have a lot spent on hers

I will say absolutely not by me.

I think the dress was just shy of £600, and then another £150 for alterations.

I was very very annoyed at the time , as we arnt a rich family, and that could have paid for driving lessons/ quite a nice percentage of her house deposit!

her grandma bought it .

it’s a beautiful dress, but hasn’t been used since , and she has tried to sell it repeatedly but no one is interested.

absolute waste

Annoyeddd · 30/10/2025 08:02

Sounds like some DCs spend more time thinking about the prom than their GCSEs.
That was one of the times when I was glad I had boys (mostly I wasn't fussed one way or other). Just a suit - bought early for sixth form.

x2boys · 30/10/2025 08:06

WindsurfingDreams · 29/10/2025 23:13

Its just the Mumsnet chicken thing all over again. Everyone falling over themselves to profess how amazing they are because their daughter dressed in a Lidl own brand bin bag and barely dragged a brush through their hair.

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I agree ,I dont have daughters and my son didn't even go to his prom
Bit if someone wants to spend ££££,s on their daughters prom dress and can afford it i dont see the issue.

x2boys · 30/10/2025 08:12

Hortesne · 30/10/2025 00:00

Mumsnetters are funny. They all go on about having loads of money but refuse to spend any of it on the first key social occasion their children will attend. They also all have very cheap weddings and walk down the aisle in charity shop dresses, and buy their children toothbrushes and sensible winter coats for Xmas. I sometimes wonder why they bother having all this money, if they won't even spend it on nice stuff for important events. Do they just find joy in looking at the money in their bank accounts? It's oddly puritanical.

It's the same with the competitive who can spend the least on their children at Xmas
I'm not talking about people who are on a strict budget and have limited funds
But the high earners who brag that they have spent under £30;or whatever and despair of other parents spending hundreds on plastic tat ,it's always plastic tat.

Rubyupbeat · 30/10/2025 08:15

@RessicaJabbitGosh, how rude. People go into this with their eyes open, they are not mugs, it's their choice.

x2boys · 30/10/2025 08:17

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 30/10/2025 00:15

I am so glad proms weren't a thing when I was at school.
I find them utterly OTT.
Bring back Leaving Discos and trestle tables of Panda Pops.
Not bloody ball gowns and champagne flutes.
YANBU.

I'm 52 next week and left school in 1990 even we had a leaving do at a local restaurant with a sit down meal and a glass of wine .and then a disco
Ok we didn't all have our nails done or have limos ,but we all had a new outfit etc.

Cyclingmummy1 · 30/10/2025 08:19

Dramatic · 29/10/2025 23:04

Ah but I live in a very low income area, these parents who are getting in to debt are not on high incomes, this is my point

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I think it's a bigger 'event'. Several of DS's friends had black tie parties or weekends away for their 18ths so the leavers party wasn't their only chance to dress up.

Cyclingmummy1 · 30/10/2025 08:20

TheZanyZebra · 29/10/2025 21:33

until you add the cost of a "special" car rental, then it's a lot worst 😂

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I think he went on public transport; there were a few of them together 😆

CanYouHereMeRoar · 30/10/2025 08:28

15 years ago I paid about 50 quid for my high street prom dress from my PT job but mum bought me a nice pair of shoes. My friend's uncle did our make up and hair. I wasnt that fussed on designer stuff even if my mum could have afforded it.

I have a young daughter, I wouldnt begrudge paying a few quid (within reason) for a nice high street dress but I really couldnt justify buying designer brand new for one night,

C8H10N4O2 · 30/10/2025 08:35

Achewyhamster · 30/10/2025 07:30

I did put up a post once about her awful behaviour and got my arse handed to me-it was all my fault for being the bitch of a stepmother and she was the dainty and innocent angel who'd done nothing wrong

Even though I outlined her nasty behaviour (and left a lot out)-in rl I had people telling me to leave dp and leave them to it,she was that bad and he was that wet

She tried her best to break dp and I up and was almost successful

Ended with her finding some 'personal photos' on the computer and sending them to her mother,my family and my friends (im nc with my narc family but they where delighted with these pictures as they hate me and then passed them on to friends,who passed them onto friends etc,my friends alerted me to what shed done)

They ended up on the internet,but I'm the one in the wrong

Just recently,her granny (my mil) has been very ill and in hospital

It's a long story but mil has ended up in a care home for a few weeks (self funded) at a cost of 2k a week

On finding this figure out,instead of just being relived granny is in the best place and getting better,she was heard to snarl 'that's all well and good,but what about my inheritance?'

I cannot stand her

Show quote history

This is Mumsnet. The women centred support site where a mother’s place is in the wrong and a stepmother’s place is underneath the terrace (along with all the DiL/MiLs).

Verily the patriarchy is alive.

GameofPhones · 30/10/2025 08:35

Is this a resurrection of the 'Debutantes' tradition?

WindsurfingDreams · 30/10/2025 08:42

Skethylita · 30/10/2025 07:40

It's a rich people mindset we should all emulate. People with money generally hang onto it and invest it, they do not spend it. It's how they accumulate wealth in the first place.

I made my daughter's prom dress from scratch. Cost me around £45 in fabric and materials, and around 3 months in time to fit it around my busy full-time job and other duties. I used my old wedding jewellery for gems. We found charity shop shoes and a charity shop clutch bag and she got driven in an old car my ex husband arranged. Make-up and hair were done at home, by her. She was well-behaved enough that prom was free for her as a school reward. So around £60 all in.

Show quote history

Didn't Charles Dickens write a book about that? I think some bloke called Ebeneezer was amazing at hanging on to money...

To me, life is about balance, because we never know how short it will be. I am prudent and paid off the mortgage and gave decent pensions and savings, but I see know virtue in being parsimonious. My children both have health conditions that mean I never take long life for granted, so I most certainly spend on adventures and treats rather than squirreling every penny away.

These prom dresses everyone claims are so extravagant are only about the amount of one months car payment for most of the ridiculous SUVs everyone feels the need to drive even though they don't fit down the country lanes round here. I know which I would rather spend money on.

RessicaJabbit · 30/10/2025 08:46

Rubyupbeat · 30/10/2025 08:15

@RessicaJabbitGosh, how rude. People go into this with their eyes open, they are not mugs, it's their choice.

Of course they're mugs. They believe the hype that this one party is "once in a lifetime" event, is incredibly important rite of passage and that they need to spend ££££ to make it special.

Sure, it's important and a lovely thing to do. But thinking the "correct" way to celebrate is to spend £500 on a free £250 on hair and make, up another £200 on new shoes and a bag etc is just insanity. Especially getting in debt over it.

It's consumerism fuelled by Social Media making you think this is reasonable. And if you fall for it, yes, you're a mug.

Look at all the boys.... They're not spending near to £1000 on an evening out... Funny that.

Your child should be going and having a great time with their friends. Dress up, sure. But it's supposed to be fun!