Would you/have you spent hundreds on a prom dress?

[Dramatic]

My daughter is in year 11 and a lot of her friends have already started shopping or already bought their prom dresses. Some have spent hundreds (£350-£500) and their parents have actually taken out payment plans or loans to get them....this seems insane to me? Are shops just ripping people off? Just seems like a ridiculous amount of money for a dress to be worn for a couple of hours.

When I got my 18yo her prom dress we went to an ex display shop and paid around £50 for a gorgeous dress.

No, I understood the point you were making I just don't agree.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a party or getting dressed up. I've got two first class degrees, volunteer regularly and love reading about all sorts of things - politics,. philosophy, science. I also love a party and a bit of glamour. It's not and either /or thing. And enjoying having your nails and hair done isn't some kind of moral failing.

DD's outfit was expensive (about £300 including tailoring), but absolutely gorgeous.

Her dad's family are from India, so we went to a saree shop and got an amazing lehenga outfit with heavy embroidery. It was tailored to fit, but there is leeway to have it re-tailored if she changes size, so she can wear it in the future for posh occasions (I expect it will be her uni ballgown).

I don't mind shelling out for nice sarees and similar outfits for her, which are very adjustable and which will never go out of style (imo). I wish traditional British occasionwear was equally flexible. I would have been much less willing to pay that amount for a ballgown which (at 16) may well not fit her for that many years.

Its just the Mumsnet chicken thing all over again. Everyone falling over themselves to profess how amazing they are because their daughter dressed in a Lidl own brand bin bag and barely dragged a brush through their hair.

It's not huge for everyone though, hence the thread. And it also appears that it's often people who don't have a lot who spend a lot, which is a bit mad.

DDs was £35.99 in the sale, no alteration cost as it fitted perfectly but I can sew so it wouldn't have cost anyway. Hair and make up was £65, shoes were about £12 in the sale, bag £10, I did her tan and nails £5, underwear was about £5, jewellery was £8.50. Total cost was £140.51 precisely.

I spent about £80 on my prom dress (sixth form leavers’ party - we didn’t call it prom) in 1996.

Google tells me that’s about £240 now. Difference was it was my own money that I earned working part time - no way would my mum have either wanted to or be able to spend that. I wore it again at university balls.

I doubt either of my DDs will want a dress, but I will buy them a decent trouser suit if they want (or a dress), but my budget would be up to £150 I think (my own wedding dress was around that in 2007!).

I don’t think people should go into debt for it, but if it is their money they can spend it how they like.

DD's was £500 not including shoes, bag, nails, tan, makeup, hair, prom ticket etc! Sold it after for £100 🙄 couldn't find a nice second hand one at the time.

A bit over 100. She did re wear it for a couple of weddings, so it got re-use.

For yr11 prom the girls wore 1960s “cocktail” dresses which had belonged to their grandmother. On DM they were early 60s knee length, for taller DGC they were 60s mini dresses in glamorous fabrics/embellishments and were perfect. The fabrics were better quality than anything in the shops. They and their friends did their own hair, make up etc and had a lot of fun together. The boys were more expensive - hire of black tie - I wasn’t buying the suits until the end of growing was in sight.

For yr13 dresses came from Asos or similar - £50-60 from memory.

Both yr11 and yr13 dresses were worn many times.

I remember some girls’ parents spending a fortune, oddly it seemed to be those who had little spare cash. I don’t know if they took out loans.

It's one of those things you can make as pricey or as inexpensive as you like really. Personally I think it's a bit ridiculous to spend large sums of money on prom but then I am sure some people think that I spend my money on daft things. Everyone values different things.
You definitely don't have to spend huge amounts for your DC to have a good time. None of mine, or their friends, seemed to take it particularly seriously especially not in Year 11 as they were all going back for 6th form anyway.Looking at the pictures there were a few who had obviously gone to a great deal of trouble but most of them were smart but wearing the kind of things you get in high street shops rather than from specialist suppliers. I agree with the PP who said that it probably matters more to pupils who aren't going back to the same school though.
Prom also not an official school event at my DC's former school. The staff tend to turn a blind eye to any planning that they see going on in school time but they don’t encourage it and they certainly don't get involved and nor do quite a lot of the kids. So it's probably not such a big deal as it is in schools where it is an official leavers' event and virtually everyone goes. In those circumstances I think that perhaps schools do have some responsibility not to exaggerate the importance on Prom and to discourage excessive spending. On one hand I agree that it is up to individual families how they spend their disposable income, but on the other I think it's wrong if parents feel under pressure to spend money that they don't have. If it is a school sanctioned event and there's an expectation that the vast majority of pupils will attend then particularly in the current economic climate I think schools should perhaps play it down a bit and try to keep things affordable for all.

DD’s prom dress was around £300, but everything else was on a budget. Shoes were £5, she had her bag for Christmas along with some earrings. She did her own makeup, her friend did her hair (was doing hairdressing, did it as part of an assessment) and one of my friends drove her in her camper van.
Ds suit, shirt, tie, cuff links and shoes probably cost similar but have been worn more often since. He went with a friend whose relative had a classic car, so another freebie.

Mumsnetters are funny. They all go on about having loads of money but refuse to spend any of it on the first key social occasion their children will attend. They also all have very cheap weddings and walk down the aisle in charity shop dresses, and buy their children toothbrushes and sensible winter coats for Xmas. I sometimes wonder why they bother having all this money, if they won't even spend it on nice stuff for important events. Do they just find joy in looking at the money in their bank accounts? It's oddly puritanical.

I’m very lucky that my dd is very into vintage stuff so she found a lovely vintage dress for a reasonable price on line - I think it was on depop, which she’s a fan of.

I did buy her an expensive pair of shoes (about £100) though.

To be fair she’s also worn both again because one of her hobbies had a black tie type party (not very strictly black tie I don’t think but the dress fitted the bill well)

I don’t have lots of money, but perhaps some MNetters do because they are so careful?

My weakness is holidays and days out rather than stuff though.

Hahaha. No.

Some people have more money than sense.

Mine was $800, it was a wonderful experience shopping for it and it was a beautiful dress. Still is, I’ve kept it! I’m very grateful to my parents, it was very meaningful.

I am so glad proms weren't a thing when I was at school.
I find them utterly OTT.
Bring back Leaving Discos and trestle tables of Panda Pops.
Not bloody ball gowns and champagne flutes.
YANBU.

Absolutely not. We git DD’s dress online from JJs. I needed to get it hemmed (£15) but in total it was under £100. It was beautiful but she’s only worn it once. If your DD doesn’t mind second hand my DD bought a gorgeous lace over silk over tulle backless dress off Vinted for £15 in perfect condition - fit her like a glove (she wore it to a ball at her uni).

We have never spent more than £50-100 on aproms. We have spent less by buying second hand, borrowing and thinking creatively.

Tbh i's simply madness to spend hundreds of £ for a teenage event.
Especially when low income families are pressured into this nonsensens and yes, they are.
What has happened to our society?

I have a fs who had his prom last year. A suit from Next cost £120 but he now has a nice suit.
I think a lot of people are out of touch on here from what i saw when dropping him off/ talking to parents of girls.
Most had fake tans, nearly all had hair & make up done professionally and many had also had a practise run of hair and make ip. On top of that nails, jewellery and accessories, and then the actual dress. We had lots of posts on fb of 'I chose my dress' as in the way brides do, onviously from a prom dress shop.
OK you dont NEED to do ALL of that but many seemed to have done it!
i came away thankful Ive had 2 boys to sort out!

No.
My first had a sale dress that was perfect for her.
My next was a covid year 11.
My last didn't want to go so we had a family spa day instead.

This is my understanding too. It's a real reverse snobbery thing around here (Cheshire). The expensive ones just remind me of that show about the travelling community getting married that was on in the late 1990s.

I have bags of formal dresses - long and cocktail which are timeless. Hope DD picks one of those when the time comes and we can call it vintage 🤣. Hair appt I have no issues with.

This is fascinating! Could read a whole post just about your situation with her…she sounds like Veruca Salt! 🍫

I was about to say about out hospice shop that does this. I wonder of you are local to me @Cakeandusername?

Anyway, this is where DD is planning yo her dress in a few years time. DS was Y11 last year, and wore a navy 3 piece suit from Next, with a collarless white shirt and AF1s - most of his friend group wore trainers on reaction to not being allowed to at school (also DS has giant feet, which few people other than Nike accomodate).

Eight families chipped in for a limo each way for our promers- cost about £35/head, and they gathered at one house and had a little party that afternoon.

Absolutely not! No need to spend a penny on hair or nails. My dd looked lovely in a £40 dress from H&M dressed up with some jewellery. Did her own hair. We bought her a new pair of shoes which she has worn since. Resist this nonsense!