AIBU to not let DS go out with friends unless he specifies where

[NimbleMintOrca]

Whenever DS16 asks whether he can go out with his friends I ask who is he going out with and where exactly he's going. DS often tells me who he's going with but for some reason refuses to say where exactly he's going. At most he'll give a vague answer, e.g. London. AIBU to not let DS go out unless he says where he's gone? Should I be asking DS what his plans are whilst he's with his friends?

Respect is DD telling me that she is going into the city centre with friends, will get the bus so doesn't need a lift, and will be home for dinner.

Controlling is expecting her to tell me exactly what bits of the city centre she is going to (which she potentially doesn't know until she gets there as they will play it by ear what shops they go to, if they go and get any food, or if they find it too busy and go and sit in a nearby park and chat instead).

Controlling is also requiring her to update me if she gets the bus to a friend's house nearby prior to coming home as that doesn't materially alter the plan.

Chances are DD will tell me exactly what she's done when she gets home as we do actually talk to each other, but I don't need an in depth account of it in advance or as she goes along.

We just talk, laugh, share stuff. Sorry if that upsets you and the other poster who responded similar. Not sure why you just made up the next bit and added a laughing emoji.

No-one has said every single detail.

DD would tell me she is off to Covent Garden or Camden with A, E and A, and what time roughly they'll be back. Then if their plans change or the trains are messed up or something she would call.

I'd say the same if I was going out "I'm going out for dinner with my writing group mates to J's house, I'm sharing a cab back with S and should be back about 10.30pm."

It's just knowing when someone will be back in the same house, whether they will want dinner! It's not difficult or controlling. We also have pets and need to think about things like who is going to be around to walk the dog, feed the cats etc.

Exactly.

I don't find it mindlessly boring to hear that DD2 is going to Covent Garden with a certain set of mates and that they'll be back around 5pm.

I really hope you are just bored on half term and will be back at school next week.

I find tracking a mobile quite controlling, personally. We don't do that and just talk to one another instead. Try it sometime.

We have pets too, but I still don't feel the need to ask DH where he's going, who he's going with and when he'll be home. If he's out, I'll sort the animals - if I'm out, he will. It's really not a big deal if the cats are fed late or if the dog doesn't get walked at a certain time.

As for when I'll be home - most of the time I don't even know that myself. He can sort his own dinner (as I do when he's out).

you do realise it's possible to have an opinion and laugh without being "upset" or "offended"?

Are you personally upset every time someone disagrees with you, or are you trying to wind people up by saying it? Genuinely wondering, it's such a non-event on this thread, why the drama?

Why on earth do you think I would be upset?

what? go to the police station and talk to them and give them all your plans just in case?

Because they would be the ones tracking your phone when you get kidnapped or something 😂

I was talking about your husband being bored with hearing the full description of your random day with all the details, but you know that don't you? 😉

DS1 is now in his 20s and there was no tracking software available when he was in his teens.

In my view it is totally inappropriate, controlling and is actually feeding and encouraging anxiety in parents.

I said the POLICE would track my mobile if something happened to me.

Why are you so obsessed with the idea that I don't talk to my DH? It's very bizarre.

telling a 16 year old that he's not allowed to go out unless you know exactly what they are doing, and to call you if they ever make plans or change plans IS nothing but controlling. And shit parenting.
Why don't you trust your kids?

Telling your husband that you went to the supermarket, then the dry cleaner, then had a natter with next door neighbour, then heard about the latest gossip when queuing at the post office is boring.

Sure.

but the tone and frequency of your responses on this thread suggest that it’s triggered you. Hyperbole, insults to anyone who parents differently, capitals, emojis, bold font, unnecessary exclamation marks, repetition, the drama (belonging only to you), all indicators that this thread is rattling you for some reason. I’m happy if my apology was unnecessary and it hasn’t.

I wouldn't know as I don't do that, it's something you hallucinated when doubling down on your increasingly hyperbolic comments.

Also a few kids from DD2's school have been mugged when out in shopping centres or in London. Sadly it's not that uncommon to have police involvement with teenagers for one reason or another which may be not their fault at all.

My mum had a heart attack at 53, I am 50 now. She was ok but it's a higher risk in my age group for menopausal women. My grandad went for a walk to the bookies and never came back as he was run over on a local street. My uncle went to watch a football match in his 40s and never came back as he died of a heart attack. Shit things do happen from time to time and it's a common courtesy to at least let people know your plans so they know when to worry.

MN posters track their own husbands and love being tracked themselves - just to be sure they don't get lost between the supermarket and the house.
There are several thread explaining the benefits of tracking your husband at all time, including what time switching on the oven or something 😂

I find it frightening but each to their own.

Whatever you do, don’t do this.

Except no-one has said that. Only you.

frequence and hyperboles you said? The irony!

ok.. I leave you to your own posts my dear. You are here to start a fight, you need to find someone else.

You can insist he tells you and I can understand why you want to know where he is going I would too. But he might just tell you anything you can't guarantee he is telling the truth.
Why do you think he doesn't want to tell you?

Tbf, they can rebel FAR sooner than 18.

hardest time of my time with ds was 15-17.

freedom is essential to them, has to be appropriate tho so a lot of conversations about honestly and good behaviour. There are times you can let them have their long lead and others when you can’t and talking to them about it is very helpful in managing this phase

We do all share location in this house tho. Even now because we have a dog and need to know if someone is going to be driving through the gates so we can make sure dog is in

At 16 surely he is old enough to go out without being tracked! If he isn't then what has been the problem with your parenting or has he an issue with behaviour?

Yes another thread descends into two posters going round in circles with a daft argument and OP hasn’t returned 🙄