I got my dream job but…

[Rearing2go]

As the title says, I got my dream job but house plans have fallen through and now I will be unemployed.

Im in a ldr with Bf, he rents off family at a cheaper price. Our plan was I move to his country (few hours away) ready to pack everything up everything is planned. Fm doesn’t want me to move into house with no reasoning just only family renting.

House rent is unbelievable dear , I don’t know if I can leave now but I’m unemployed as I’ve quit job and can’t take back. This has put a strain on relationship.

Aibu to give up support system and take job and we find a place but struggle (not sit comfortably now)
Or should I stay with support system and finally go it alone (houses are cheaper here) but still do ldr which is hard but works

I also think it was a dream job to me if I was moving to Ireland ( they are only in Ireland) but now that I’m not going to give my life up north just for my bf I’m actually ok letting go of it because I will be getting onto property ladder (I’ve been saving for few years because it was always my plan) bf won’t be moving in with me and that’s his choice (I never asked anyway because I’d rather go alone)

Im a lot more cautious regarding our relationship and we have had a long long talk and I’m now sorting things out for me.
We have a good relationship, so I don’t want to throw it away, even though all this is bf’s fault which he has took accountability for, and me staying up north means I can go very very low contact with family.

I know a lot of people thinks I should dump him but I don’t want his dm to win and they have a difficult relationship but she has never been involved in our relationship only now because of her house she rents to bf.

I’ve lost my job I don’t want to lose a good relationship as well, I know I can keep it but be so independent on myself that I need any helping hands

You sound very positive, just be glad there are no kids in the mix.

Don't make it a battle re 'I don't want his mum to win'. The 'pick me dance' never ends well - and it's usually with another woman, not with his mother! Make good choices for yourself, not for anyone else.

Go watch some videos about women doing DIY and decorating to their taste!

Definitely stay up north and move forward.
His toxic family won't change, don't move near them.

I know what your saying, I’m not great with my words but what I mean is , I know what kind of woman she is but she’s never had any say in our relationship until I was to “move in” and her say was, it’s my house she isn’t moving in.
My bf isn’t perfect but he treats me so well, and tbh I’ve never been in good relationships where I’ve felt loved and cared for and safe, that’s why I don’t want to throw away a good thing.
I also know that I want to be completely dependent on myself, I hate asking for anything and help, it’s hard for me to do, and I’m just never out for a free hand out.
and thank you for the tips it would be good to improve my skill set 😊

its all I can be atm

I completely agree, and you can’t change anyone just be cautious of them, at least now I can have little to no contact with the dm and let bf carry on having contact with her without me getting involved in anyway, a win win

Your relationship is already difficult, so in that situation I would stay put, last thing you need is to be in a different country and be separated from your partner
it doesn’t sound like your partner is keen on you moving in with him

He might make you "feel safe" @Rearing2go - when absolutely nothing difficult is being asked of him.

But with him are actually the exact opposite of safe.

Imagine for a moment you were in danger. Say for example, danger of becoming suddenly both homeless and jobless, and he was the only one who could step up to stop that happening? If you were safe with him he would protect you wouldn't he?

Would he step in to keep you safe, housed and employed? Or would he not actually keep you safe, but prioritise his own comfort and that of aomeone else.

Hmm, I wonder if in this situation he still make uou "feel safe" ?🤔

I think you may know the answer to this one already 🙁