Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

[birthdayquandary]

I'm trying to decide if this WBU... I've namechanged as it may be outing.

I have a big birthday coming up. It is at a crap/ difficult time of year which means historically I've very rarely celebrated on the day with friends. This coming birthday it happens to be on a Saturday and I'd like to celebrate it. However, given crap time of year obvious things like hosting a party at home/ in the garden or even an evening party aren't an option.

What I'd like to do is 'host' a big lunch (up to 40ish people) in a private room at a nice hotel that does great food. Then people who want to stay over can and those who don't have time to get home (my friends live in various locations, all within about an hour of where I'm hoping to have party). I love a big, cosy lunch with friends and this is how I'd love to celebrate my birthday. However, I can't afford to pay for the whole thing. It's looking like it'd be at least £50ph for food, plus drinks and possibly a 'room charge'. I can cover some of the cost, but not all of it. Would IBU to ask people to pay £50ph to cover their food, and then I cover the booze, service charge, room charge, etc?

The only friends who've hosted big meals like this for birthdays have been able to afford to pay for the whole thing. Everyone else I know who has held a party has done an evening thing at home or out in a bar (where they either have or haven't covered all or some of the cost). I can't host the lunch at home because I don't have enough space, and also don't want to be cooking or cleaning up on my birthday.

What do you think? Is it gauche (or plain cheeky) to ask people to stump up £50 (or thereabouts)? I think it probably is, but given the particularly crap date of my birthday a lunch thing is really the only option...

If you can afford £1.5k for 50 people that’s £30 a head. Can’t you find somewhere else to host a lunch for that?

Honestly, asking friends to pay £50 each for your birthday lunch feels a bit much 🙂. Birthdays are supposed to be about celebrating with the people you care about, not turning it into a mini fundraiser. Maybe a smaller get-together or a casual spot where you can cover most of it would keep the vibe fun without anyone feeling awkward, you’ll all enjoy it more that way! 🎉

I think this too. Sorry op! X

Op, I’ve just turned 50, and trying to plan something became such a headache I decided instead to do lots of small things with close groups of friends and family.

I too wanted to do a lazy lunch and numbers (with plus ones) were in the forties. I strongly felt that I should have to foot the bill for the food and some wine at least, and it was looking like £30+ a head, going with a set menu at our local (nice) pub.

I decided I couldn’t afford it, so abandoned the idea. I considered (briefly) asking people to contribute but felt it was too cheeky; the location and company were my choices, rather like a wedding, and people, especially those coming from a distance, would probably resent having to pay for my choices. As a couple, the price would immediately double.

We have been to numerous big birthdays over the years at smart hotels and restaurants and the host has always paid the bill. I am not as wealthy as many of my friends, so I realised quite quickly that much as I would like it, I simply cannot afford it.

I don’t however think it unreasonable to suggest a small birthday meal at a restaurant, with an established group of friends that are in the habit of eating out and paying for themselves, to pay for themselves.

Where I'm from it's always the norm to pay for yourselves, this takes the pressure off people feeling obliged to return the favour and shell out a fortune every year to host and pay for a party or get together on their own birthdays.

The summer after. When it was her 50th she had a party in the grounds of a big house, it was cheaper than hiring the house, but it was fantastic! The weather was beautiful, the gardens were lovely, amd caterers put on a buffet.

So does the host send an invoice or do you settle up on the day? What if one friend's is much more expensive? Say, your event is £25 per head and hers is £40?
I would think that planning and hosting a party that you were going to charge for could get awkward..

If

Plain cheeky!

I've been to one in a village hall where everyone brought a dish. They had garden games for the kids sbd a DJ later on.That was quite fun, I remember it fondly, and about as far as I'd accept for an invitation that expected something of me..

There's no way I'd ever pay £50 for a meal, especially on someone else's terms.

She says she doesn't want the village hall. Too depressing.

£50 a head seems a bit steep. Nice hotels around our way are a set meal for about £35 pp and people buy their own drinks. Would that work? Like you say not everyone will be able to attend.

50 quid a head for lunch? I’d give that a swerve.

My dad’s birthday is during winter, and this year was a big birthday. He had an “unbirthday” in his garden during the summer. Food, birthday cake, lots of drink… we all sang happy birthday to him and he got presents. He didn’t charge anyone an entry fee or anything either. Was a great idea.

I just think it's not a party if you have to pay for it. It puts a different complexion on it.

This sounds big but far from cosy. So couples would be paying £100? I couldn't afford that and would be extremely unhappy paying it for somewhere I hadn't chosen. My birthday falls just before Christmas and has always been celebrated very satisfactorily at home (massive M&S canapé order plus loads of drink), with twenty-odd people stuffed into my house.

I'd only pay of it was my immediate family - mother/daughter/brother. I wouldn't pay to go to anyone else's birthday. Find a cheaper venue if you can't afford the hotel.

This 100%. Pick somewhere that you can afford to pay for with buffet food so people can come and go and mingle. See if you can budget for bottles of red and white wine and anything else they can order and pay for at the bar.

So you want to host your birthday party but make your guests pay for attending. Absolutely not acceptable, if you can’t pay the associated costs of a party then don’t have one.

Maybe you could change the format, hire a local hall and everybody takes a dish along, somebody is in charge of the music, drinks etc etc

For the love of god OP please tell us what date this awful day is??

Gosh you sound so dramatic and defeatist.
If you had all these specific conditions for your birthday, then you should have started saving earlier.
Normally big birthdays are planned well in advance especially if you are going to be that fussy about it. Nothing seems to live up to your expectations but you haven’t done your own part in creating what you want. People have made lots of good suggestions and you are rejecting them all because of the vision in your head. If only that vision was going to make you happy you should have started saving ages ago.

I’d never pay £50 for a meal. I don’t have that kind of money.

Cant you just arrange a small dinner for a few very close friends and maybe have a little pub meet up for the rest?

Inviting people to a private lunch in a separate room means you are asking them to pay for a limited menu/what is served thats just unreasonable. I think you need to scale down and host what the number you can afford from the full menu or say its on me but only from the set menu.

😂

I’m going to bet it’s an early January birthday. OP plan a few nice things to do around the dates so have a few nice things to look forward to.

The only time public transport doesn't run usually is Christmas and new year. That's an expensive time of year for most families so I wouldn't charge for a lunch. Why not get your DH to take you away for the weekend as a treat and then do the party in the summer?