Feminism sold a lie - Women, today, are worse off than ever

[ConservativeC2]

Listening to the women I work with, it's been interesting to hear their views about feminism and they are not happy. We are all millennial age so not too young, not too old and I keep hearing that it's the millennial generation of women that have absolutely lost out the most.

I think feminism initially promoted some idea of independence, equality and choice. Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family. It was hard for everyone, but I think women were more empowered then than now.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare. So I think women now have it worse than ever - it's not just me, my female colleagues feel the same way. They've come to point in life where they want to start a family but they know they will have to come back to work.

Now it's all to do with feminism. There are other factors which has driven up the cost of living (inflation, property prices, profit extraction from multinational corporates etc).

What is to be proud of?

I’m very proud of being married, I took my marriage vows very seriously and meant them. Of course a happy marriage is something to be proud of, but that gets lost on here. It’s very in fashion to come on here slagging off your husband and blaming him for everything under the sun- that’s not how either me or my DH talk about or behave towards each other.

Unfortunately, career, travel, etc are valued more highly now that marriage and motherhood, but I still massively prefer the latter.

Again.... that is purely due to economics, not feminism.

This. 1000%

Even my mum has commented on how it’s harder these days.

Everyone is so switched on all the time - the constant emails - the pressure of social media - the disconnection - the cost of living is astronomical - the burn out - the Mums are burnt out - the Dads are burnt out - the anxiety about the future - the lack of jobs there could be for future children because of AI - the insecurity of the job market.

There may be some overlap in similar concerns over the generations, however there are unique concerns specific to 2025 in my opinion. And I’m just astonished that many on here have such little sympathy. In fact, maybe I’m not that surprised at all, it is Mumsnet after all, and most people on here seem completely devoid of any inkling of sensitivity for others. 🤷‍♀️

But the thread isn’t about pitching women against each other - every generation has unique challenges

but none of the issues facing women today that have been mentioned are because of feminism

But you are aware that feminism and economics intersect right? They do not exist separately.

See above ^

The fear mongering on here is off the chart, seriously!

OK, let’s indulge this nonsense. My DH announces tomorrow he wants a divorce:

• Our home is in both our names, so half of that is mine. It’s rocketed in value, so yeah, I’d be fine with half of that.
• Let’s say it wasn’t/he physically threw me out and changed the locks. My mum lives a few mins away and has spare rooms to instantly house myself and our children whilst I got back on my feet.
• I have an open job offer from the Head personally at my DCs school where I do all sorts of regular volunteering, so I that would be sorted pretty quickly!

£2000+ for a nursery place? No realistic mortgage on one salary?

Surely that depends on how you define "having it all"?

I genuinely feel like I have been lucky enough to "have it all" because I have enjoyed a very successful and exceptionally rewarding and enjoyable career which has given me an enormous sense of achievement as well as my financial independence. Ample flexibility from successive employers which enabled me to be a very hands-on parent, spend loads of time with my dd as she was growing up and build an incredibly close relationship with her which continues into her young adulthood. And a decent, loving husband who genuinely believes in equality and has always done his fair share at home.

I don't feel that I've missed out on anything or had to make any real compromises or sacrifices. I realise that I'm luckier than many, but I am certainly not unique.

I have taught my daughter that she can absolutely "have it all", but she needs to think very carefully about the choices that she makes in order to enable her to live the life she chooses...

My mum is constantly saying how much she loved being a mum in the 80s. She finds it unfathomable that I can’t it my children play out in the street, I’m asked to stay at birthday parties and how often my phone pings, she’s like ‘is that the school again?’ She also can’t believe how much time I spend helping with homework- we got none at primary school. She thinks I’m doing way more, and she ran a much, much bigger house than me and had more children and step-children!

They may intersect but having the right to vote or having contraceptive choices or having protection in law against DV etc can not be untwisted from the economics

And the glory days of the sahm that people hark back to was incredibly brief and for a select few.

wanting it all is the problem - no one except a very tiny minority have ever been able to have it all

All of those things are valid.
Its not feminism that's to blame.

You have choices
You do not need to live in an expensive part of England
You could downsize. We loved in a 1 bed flat until eldest was 2 so I could work part time. You can't always afford everything you WANT but you have CHOICES

I think you will find that scenario is not nonsense for lots of women who foolishly put their fate in the hands of a man.

If you're happy to live in your mums spare bedroom in the event of relationship breakdown thats great- personally Id prefer to support myself without begging.

Absolutely.
You have your own bank account right? In your own name?
You can apply for loans - in your own name without having your dad or husband sign for you? You have equal salary ?
Brilliant- thats down to feminism.

So true

Sounds a bit reductionist to me.

I agree that there's no equality yet, but I like being able to have a bank account, drive, have property and travel internationally without the approval of a man. I wouldn't give up on that.

I am so much better off than my mother, grandmother and everyone before.

1. i have an education and a career that allows me to be independent.
2. i do about half the housework. i married a decent guy. Otherwise i wouldn’t have married him. If you marry a lazy guy, it us your choice- don’t blame it on feminism
3. I have children and a career.

Life in the 50s was hard work for women, and spending money on yourself was not an option. Men could go to the pub etc, women were entirely dependent on their husband. He could beat them, give them barely any money, and women were stuck.
You have a seriously incorrect romantic idea of the past.

@Paganpentacle An open job offer for what?
Btw I was that woman who had a very wealthy husband who changed the locks. Thank God I had a career.

This.
All of it.
Some of you need to educate yourselves.

Unlike the many people who spend years ‘begging’ off their parents in various ways for years? Never learning to drive, never moving out, phoning mum and dad for lifts everywhere, demanding money, demanding on tap babysitting/childcare, sometimes for 5 days a week!

I have friends who criticise women for ‘depending’ on their husbands who in the next breath are taking advantage of both their own mother and MILs generosity- they look after their children, clean their homes, do their washing, cook their dinner and facilitate all the gym sessions, appointments, etc.

They are far more dependent that me! I was driving at 18 and moved out in my early 20s. I never ask my mum for anything.

Hypocrites much!

@ThankYouNigel You've never needed to as you married a rich man!
What is the open job offer for?

Women today make themselves worse off by making stupid decisions about who they shack up and have kids with, putting up with men being completely useless at parenting and running a home/family, martyring themselves and bowing to ‘societal pressure’ that’s completely made up in their head.